Return and megapost?
Been ages since I’ve visited SMD, but I still see some familiar movie nerds.
Alright, so I’ve watched a lot of movies since I was here last, but I’ll just include the ones I have a strong opinion about.
Blade Runner Final Cut – Rewatched before 2049. It’s been said in here I see, but I agree that it can be a hard movie to watch and like due to the slow pace and some unnecessary scenes. Especially some of the scenes with Deckard and Rachel. But even if it’s slow, when it hits the right notes it hits them harder than a left leg from prime crocop.
Blade Runner 2049 – For met his was 3 hours of «Please don’t be over», visually amazing, great performances from everyone and with incredibly relevant questions. I loved the side-plot with K and Joi, best romance with an A.I since Her.
Kingsman – Did a rewatch of this as well before the sequel. Taron Egerton has everything a future star should have. Still a great movie.
Kingsman 2 – Some meaningless deaths (JB, Roxy, Merlin), too much reliance on CGI and the spin effects during the action scenes and a lack of Channing Tatum. Other than that it’s the same stupid and over the top shit I love. Seeing a person be ground into hamburger meat, cooked and eaten within the first 10 minutes really set the bar.
Get Out – I don’t even. The feelings I had while watching this movie ranged from, this is creepy as hell to this is pretty dumb. I still liked it though.
Baywatch – I normally find Zac Effron to be hilarious as the stupid pretty boy, but everything in this movie felt kinda off, including the humor. It didn’t help that The Rock’s characters was incredibly unlikeable.
Ghost in the Shell – Visually appealing, everything else seems as wooden as the characters in a Michael Bay movie.
Logan – I guess this has already been masturbated to on this forum for a long time, so I’ll try not to turn this bukkake into a murder. But this movie is without a doubt the best comic book movie I’ve seen, and just an overall pleasure to watch. It’s gritty, violent, tense and well-acted. I loved it!
Wonder Woman – Better than I expected, not too on the nose with the feminism. Sadly it’s overshadowed by an incredibly shitty final fight between WW and Ares.
Spider-Man Homecoming – Tom Holland is a great Peter Parker and Spider-Man, as opposed to the other actors who could only portray one each. I felt the Spider-Man CGI physics during action scenes felt very poor for a marvel movie, but it’s all saved by a great villain and a plot where the world isn’t at stake. Then to be soured in the end with the MJ reveal, you don’t have to fucking diversify everything! Let MJ be that hot redhead from the source material, and if you want diversity, make a new goddamn character.
John Wick 2 – OK, so I liked the first a lot. And this one has the same incredible action sequences, but after seeing bad guy #58 get shot in the head in an awesome way it kinda loses the magic. Also, is assassin the only job in this universe?
Baby Driver – I tried really hard to like this movie, and even though it had some strong points (Music, performances) it was too chaotic and all over the place. One of this year’s bigger disappointments for me.
GotG2 – Like the first movie, just more. I’m a sucker for funny and over the top movies, and both Rocket Racoon and Draxx had me in stitches.
Kong: Skull Island – Apart from some bland and uninteresting characters this was a great time in the theaters. Some good cinematography and great action scenes. Just skip past the first half hour of horrible character introduction.
Alien: Covenant – What the fuck?
King Arthur – Guy Ritchie, please go back to making good movies like Snatch, Lock Stock and Rock’n’Rolla.
The Mummy – Now this is an average movie if I’ve ever seen one, nothing is worthy of hate or praise.
The Dark Tower – Fuck everything about this movie! Fuck the casting of Roland! Fuck the idea of just mashing every book together and not even skim the surface of what made the books great! Fuck the action sequences! Fuck that most of the plot was in NYC! Just fuck it to death..
Split – Not sure why this turd got good reviews, but since it’s the introduction for the Unbreakable sequel I give this movie 5 out of 5 stars!
also, LMAO @ Handmaid's Tale winning an emmy. Seriously one of the worst shows I've ever seen. It was well-produced, I enjoyed the aesthetic, but I couldn't make it through 2 episodes. It was 'awful and dumb', like, not in the sense that the production was awful, but the tone was like, "THIS PLACE IS HORRIBLE AND EVERYONE WANTS TO DIE... except for a few moments where we talk like teenagers to make it awful in a different way." like 90% awful, 10% dumb.
And it just had nothing to offer besides the plainness of the environment being not a good place. I felt like I learned everything the show wanted to teach in less than 1 episode and there was nothing more to it. I honestly couldn't watch it.
This piece of shit winning over Westworld makes me question my sanity. It's just 10 hours of face closeups of Elisabeth Moss overacting grief and insecurity. I assume the creators intended the struggle of me watching through the season to be an analogy of her struggles, because I felt as empty and dystopian in the end as these so-called characters. So when there's no character development or payoff in the end, why should I even bother?
After my Seagalathon, I shifted to JCVD. I've always felt like a heretic, but I can't help it: This guy's movies fucking suck. Most of them are just plain awful and the ones that aren't awful are so clearly subpar products. The cheese makes (some of) them tolerable, and some are even enjoyable, but the only legitimately good movies from his prime are Bloodsport, Death Warrant, and Hard Target. And, even with those three, only in Bloodsport are the fight scenes anything to write home about. His cinematic fighting style has never done anything for me and I absolutely can't stand watching him get the ever-loving shit kicked out of him in every single fucking fight and then just doing a few jumping spin kicks. Of all the big-time martial arts stars, he makes by far the worst movies and by far the worst fight scenes. I rewatched Double Impact and Timecop, which are above-average JCVD fare, but quit after powering through Nowhere to Run and Desert Heat.
Man, I love JCVD, I think I've seen every movie of his pre-2010 like 20 times each. I assume you've seen JCVD as well. Nowhere to Run is a hard watch indeed. Did you see Wrong Bet(Lionheart)? Universal Soldier? Sudden Death? Street Fighter? Timecop?
And fuck you for not liking Hard Target, that's easily his best movie! How often have you seen someone knock out a snake before with a straight right? Directed by John Woo, with Lance Henriksen as the bad guy. Fucking doves! The best name in the world. Chance Boudreaux.
The Dark Tower - 7/10
Why did everybody hate this ? Matthew McCan't spell his last name overacted a bunch, but outside of that it was a perfectly serviceable fantasy action movie. Better than Blade Runner 2049 which everyone is trampling their own mothers trying to get a spot in line to suck the dick of.
I think it's in the same realm as the Death Note movie. If you're familiar and enjoyed the source material you're going to hate these movies for butchering everything good about it. As a fan of the books, the movie is a 2/10 for me. Maybe I'd give it a 5/10 if I didn't know anything about it.
Btw, is there a serious tv-show discussion here? I need to talk about how great Nathan for You and Curb Your Enthusiasm has been this season!