Should I cheat or ask for permission?

Love my wife to death, but our intimacy needs are just miles apart.

Last Tuesday, I passed up an opportunity from another girl, who was offering to give me exactly what I wanted. The offer is still on the table.

What's less likely to lead to the destruction of my marriage? Cheating on her behind her back, or asking her for permission to have some fun on the side?

If you ask permission, your marriage is almost certainly over. If you cheat behind her back, you might get away with it but will have to live with the lie.
 
This sounds like the root of you guys’ problems. Lemme guess......the S&M fantasies really began to be a major thing for you after your marriage had been pretty much the textbook definition of a sexless marriage? It’s a hunch.
Nope. I've been into kink since I was 12.
 
Real easy NO if you have kids. Otherwise you just tell her what's on your mind and if it results in divorce so be it, if not congrats- you get to stay married and fuck other women.
 
Nope. I've been into kink since I was 12.

Well then, you should’ve told your wife that before you got married to see if she would share in that with you, rather than springing it on her later and just expecting her to fall in line.

Like....

<bball1>
 
Well, you should’ve told your wife that before you got married to see if she would share in that with you, rather than springing it on her later and just expecting her to fall in line.
I used to be able to manage because she used to be intimate with me. Now that we're down to less than once per week, I can't help but fantasize about this shit.

Anyways, to conclude this thread, I did just tell her what was up. And surprise surprise, she was not happy.
 
I used to be able to manage because she used to be intimate with me. Now that we're down to less than once per week, I can't help but fantasize about this shit.

Anyways, to conclude this thread, I did just tell her what was up. And surprise surprise, she was not happy.

No shit she wasn’t happy. You should’ve told her what you are into before you locked her into a marriage. Now you seem surprised you’re in this situation lol.
 
You should ask yourself why putting an appendage into an unfamiliar wet spot is worth more to you than your wife/family.

Do you really think your are still your wifes fantasy lay? LOL... unlikely, but to her your relationship is more important than some random $ick no matter how much better and bigger it is than yours.
 
How long have y'all been married? Any kids? Is it a lack of effort or intimacy? Have you discussed this with her? Gl, bro...
 
Easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.


Finally, someone said it.

It's also more cowardly.

Just man up to the situation rather than being a craven coward and going behind her back.
 
At least half of the people responding obviously haven't read anything beyond the title.
 
I work 8:30 - 7 typically. When I get home I get the 3 D's. Don't look at me (in a way that suggests I want sex). Don't touch me. Don't block the TV.

My wife just does not want to be touched, and all sex we have feels like she's doing me a favour to keep me content. (Which, spoiler, I'm not.)

Has it always been like this? Just wondering why you would get married to a woman who doesn't show any physical signs of love for you.
 
What's less likely to lead to the destruction of my marriage? Cheating on her behind her back, or asking her for permission to have some fun on the side?

Don't cheat and stay in the marriage. That is trying to have your cake and eat it too; just incredibly selfish.

I would say arrange with your wife a budget for having an "outside contractor" help you out. You may have to allocate a similar recreation budget for whatever her needs are, whether that be just shopping or girls vacations or whatever.

She won't need to worry about you getting emotionally attached. It's out in the open. It's harder for her to complain about you paying for it if you can't get it at home, whereas if you cheat then you are the asshole in the relationship. It also provides an incentive for her to someday take over the duties if she wants to save that money.

All depending on what's legal where you live, of course.

Edit: Holy crap, you have one in the oven and a toddler and you are still considering cheating?!?! What the hell is wrong with you? That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard! Surely you can keep your desires under control for a year or so?
 
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Has it always been like this? Just wondering why you would get married to a woman who doesn't show any physical signs of love for you.
The first year of our relationship was fine. Then we bought a house and things went downhill quick. She was upset that I was working out of town, and her brother got diagnosed with cancer. She begged me to propose, and I banked on things going back to normal once I got a local job and her brother's issues were over. Now I have a local job and her brother is healthy and things are worse than ever!
 
The first year of our relationship was fine. Then we bought a house and things went downhill quick. She was upset that I was working out of town, and her brother got diagnosed with cancer. She begged me to propose, and I banked on things going back to normal once I got a local job and her brother's issues were over. Now I have a local job and her brother is healthy and things are worse than ever!

Ahh, sorry to hear that.

Buying a house with someone is a big commitment, as is marriage, obviously. Hope that her being a 10 didn't make you rush into those decisions and hope you're covered in terms of a prenup.I hope I'm wrong, for your sake, but it sounds like a long hustle.
 
I'm sure she'll appreciate me framing this as being something wrong with her. But seriously, she just doesn't want anything to do with me. I literally just get pity sex a couple of times per month.
Seriously... there's a chance that she's been getting her rocks off with someone(s) else for years.

What does she do for work? If she doesn't work, (who) what does she do all day?
 
Seriously... there's a chance that she's been getting her rocks off with someone(s) else for years.

What does she do for work? If she doesn't work, (who) what does she do all day?
She works full time and makes the same as me, just under 100k/yr. Not bad seeing as we're both under 30.
 

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