Why do people get married? Why are we monogamous?

"But I wasn't trying to link matriarchal societies with monogamous relationships, I was addressing TS' assertion that hunter gatherer societies are male-dominated which doesn't seem true to me."

Yeah I agree. Patriarchal society is clearly the dominant paradigm though.

"Marriage and monogamy becomes less of an issue if you have less to pass down to your children."

You have your genes and your experience to pass down to your children, these are the most important things, the greatest resources of all, by far. Legal marriage facilitates passing of property but monogamy is the thing that enhances the survival off offspring the greatest!

"It seems I have offended you because (I assume) you are married and I am insulting your way of life"

I came down on you hard, not because of anything you said in particular, it is obviously some defensiveness, but mainly (I would like to think) tiredness at hearing the same shit from young males not in committed, healthy, long term relationships. Broken families, men raised without father figures and the drive in young men to sow their oats if possible are not a cogent argument for the dominant paradigm of our species relationships and child rearing. Those are the causes, I suspect, for the anti marriage sentiment.

The key aspect of marriage is the invitation of both extended families and friends to come together in the affirmation of the couples commitment to union. You're right that people should examine why they go ahead with it, but i think that a thorough examination of the evidence leads to a greater respect for the benefits of monogamy.

"You said it's the purpose of life. I of course disagree since we're more than just animals and I'd like to transcend my primal desires"

Yet I would say your disagreement is just signalling to potential mates, reforming your position as one of strength rather than weakness, that your behaviour is that which maximises your chance at attaining monogamy, or at least by and large is behavioral traits that have been evolved to do so.

For sure if you have kids, I think marriage is probably a good, if not necessary, social mechanism to ensure the well-being of your children. I'm not fan of that redpill shit, and I actually had a pretty strong father figure (perhaps too strong IMO) but my biggest gripe against marriage is actually government involvement. I get it. I get there has to be legal safety nets in place enforced by the authorities for the benefit of the children. I don't have a particular desire to be monogamous with one woman but if I find a woman who I am really crazy about to the point I don't even look at other women, I'll stay with her for the rest of my life. I still don't want children though so I just don't see the point in getting married. My love won't be altered because of a document says we're official. But goodluck trying to convince a woman that.
 
I’m monogamous because my wife is cool. I don’t need another. And if I messed around with other chicks it would hurt her feelings. I love her so I don’t want to hurt her feelings. And as it turns out, I want her to be monogamous with me as well, so I treat her how I want to be treated. It’s pretty simple really.
 
Then wouldn't you agree that a team of mothers will be better than one?

I think the bigger question TS is asking is why are we monogamous when in fact we're any but. Human is animal and animals are mostly not monogamous. For sure we've had many mates, GFs, wives, etc. So why is society forcing us to be monogamous? It's unnatural.

As for TS, I too would like to convert to Islam and have 4 wives.

It's only recently that men started having 1 wife by law. Fuck western culture!!

It takes way more time and resources to raise a kid in modern times compared to "back in the day". Of course it would be awesome if someone wants to donate their time and money to raise my kid, but most people who want to raise kids are struggling to raise their own. They need education beyond "eat this, don't touch that". They want more shit like houses, cars, phones and clothes. When you only raise 1-2 kids, you have to baby them to adult hood. Back in the day you have 5-10 kids running around naked and playing with sticks and 2 might make it to adult hood.

Most middle class families struggle to raise just 2 kids. One person just can't make enough resources (money) and won't have enough time (because they're working) to raise more than 1 kid at a time. Monogamy then became an allocation of roles to guarantee that each kid has a parent dedicated to providing. Back in the day, our needs were so low a handful of people can provide for an entire village.
 
For sure if you have kids, I think marriage is probably a good, if not necessary, social mechanism to ensure the well-being of your children. I'm not fan of that redpill shit, and I actually had a pretty strong father figure (perhaps too strong IMO) but my biggest gripe against marriage is actually government involvement. I get it. I get there has to be legal safety nets in place enforced by the authorities for the benefit of the children. I don't have a particular desire to be monogamous with one woman but if I find a woman who I am really crazy about to the point I don't even look at other women, I'll stay with her for the rest of my life. I still don't want children though so I just don't see the point in getting married. My love won't be altered because of a document says we're official. But goodluck trying to convince a woman that.

Cool, that legal side is an anachronism imo as well. I'm a fan of the ritual, social and interpersonal connotations
 
I was under the impression that most monogamous cultures had arranged marriages until recently.

I expect the arrangement style was a recent blip, caused by business interests etc. Common more in those of affluence.
 
Marriage is a trap. Say i do and the fake mask they wear is taken off, and you get to deal with the demon inside.

Sure. If you date sociopaths. I can appreciate some people might fail at attracting an equal who shares the same goals.
 
Im definitively someone who i think would be happier in a polygamous relationship.

I think 2 wives would be perfect for my lifestyle, but alas, that is impossible under the society i live in. Specially not with the wife i have.
 
sometimes you just find that one person that you like to hang out with the most and doesn't give you any grief so you want to lock that shit down.
 
If you ever meet a woman amazing enough, that you connect with emotionally, spiritually and physically, and who's goals align with your own closely enough that you find yourself uninterested in other women you'll understand. It's very rare but it does happen - most people just end up settling for less due to social pressure, loneliness or insecurity (or kids).
 
I’m monogamous because my wife is cool. I don’t need another. And if I messed around with other chicks it would hurt her feelings. I love her so I don’t want to hurt her feelings. And as it turns out, I want her to be monogamous with me as well, so I treat her how I want to be treated. It’s pretty simple really.
Why do you care if she also dates other men and why does she care if you date other women? Are you insecure?

My friend have other friends. That doesn't bother me. That's some control freak stuff.
 
It just depends on what you value. You couldn’t buy a truly committed partner that is faithful due to love, for all the money in the world. It’s an incredibly special bond and for a lot of people it has tremendous value.

Other people value different things more. It’s cool, do what you want.
 
Why do you care if she also dates other men and why does she care if you date other women? Are you insecure?

My friend have other friends. That doesn't bother me. That's some control freak stuff.

No, it's hardwired so we know the child is ours and our resources spent raising it are not wasted, genetically speaking.
 
Sure. If you date sociopaths. I can appreciate some people might fail at attracting an equal who shares the same goals.
How can you even know though? If everything you think you know is a fake mask, you wont find out till after the vows. that is what makes it such a risky trap. Not the dudes fault if the chick is hiding her true nature from him, he has no way of even knowing.
 
It is thee thing that advanced society. The societies with more of it did things, built things, evolved a culture that sustained first world living.

Without it, you had to be violent to control women from being chimps and breeding with every male they remotely wanted to.. The guys end up fighting about that. Dad's aren't as good to kids without being somewhat sure they are theirs.

Without it, both men and women act like tribal animals. With it, you get advancements.

That said, our animal instincts still win a lot. We are supposed to keep that behind the curtain as much as possible, because the illusion of civility is nearly as important as the reality of it.

That's what religion did, why it came about, and why it was so important. It made people rebuke their animal instincts. Those instincts are hard to repress. "God" is a higher plain of human behavior and thinking. That's what it was always supposed to be.
 
Personally, I got married because I wanted a family. I was over 40 and quite happy, but you can only bang so many chicks before it gets old...and the idea of having something special in your life has greater meaning. At least I was smart enough to do it in a country where I won't get ruined with a divorce.
 
Im definitively someone who i think would be happier in a polygamous relationship.

I think 2 wives would be perfect for my lifestyle, but alas, that is impossible under the society i live in. Specially not with the wife i have.
Doesn't everyone have a mistress in Mexico?
 
Doesn't everyone have a mistress in Mexico?

It used to be like that when women were submissive, also it required to have 2 households, so it wasnt technically having 2 wives, just 2 lives.
 
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