I can't learn how to play guitar because I'm afraid of guitar strings

As long as you eat pop rocks and drink diet coke while you are playing guitar, the strings will not snap and hurt you - but your stomach will explode and you will die
 
I've always wanted to play guitar but I'm afraid of the strings snapping and coiling up and poking me in the eye. Seriously, it scares the hell outta me! Every time I try to pick at the guitar I flinch and move my head back in anticipation and put on the worst performances.

I'm also afraid to blow up balloons.

Just wear a hockey helmet with the full face visor. Problem solved. No way those strings gunning bust through that clear plastic. Those things designed to take pucks.
 
Usually my pack of polar bears keeps me warm but they're off hunting the spring caribou migration before the ice pack melts.

Oh shit you didn't get the memo ... how embarassing

The ice packs aren't melting this year
 
Leave my wife out of this
snow_woman_5.jpg
 
If only someone in the mayberry could put together a full mental profile of clippy based off all his threads.
 
If only someone in the mayberry could put together a full mental profile of clippy based off all his threads.

Legend says if you read all of @Clippy's threads back-to-back you become him, destined to post bizarre shit on Sherdog until the next unlucky soul falls prey to the Curse of Clippy. Like a virtual ship of Theseus, Clippy lives forever.
 
Legend says if you read all of @Clippy's threads back-to-back you become him, destined to post bizarre shit on Sherdog until the next unlucky soul falls prey to the Curse of Clippy. Like a virtual ship of Theseus, Clippy lives forever.

What happened to that Wang character that Clippy vanquished from the mayberry. Rumors were that he was found unconscious with a guitar string wrapped around his neck and a paperclip in his pocket.
 
You see, the strings represent your father's constant belittling and judgment of you as a child. The gutar represents your mother's comfy bosom.

You are drawn to the warmth and comfort of the guitar but are repulsed by the presence of the strings. The strings have tension which is representative of you and your father's relationship. Tell me about you dreams. This just cost you 150 dollars. Future consults are 175.
 
You see, the strings represent your father's constant belittling and judgment of you as a child. The gutar represents your mother's comfy bosom.

You are drawn to the warmth and comfort of the guitar but are repulsed by the presence of the strings. The strings have tension which is representative of you and your father's relationship. Tell me about you dreams. This just cost you 150 dollars. Future consults are 175.

The jokes on you I never met my Dad
 
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