Should I get a place with my girl and her kid?

Oregonmma said:
So my lease on my apartment is up this month. If I re sign I'll be paying $1750 a month for a 1bd 1ba 600sq ft apartment. I've been seeing this girl (Whom I've known for around 5-6 years) for about 4 months and we spend 2-4 days a week together. She has a 2/3 year old kid and her lease is up this month too. I'm sick of not being able to save much money so we are talking about getting a 2bd 2ba 1000sq ft apartment for $1800-2000. We've already found a few we like and I'm just going over everything in my head. The goal is to be able to buy a house sooner than later. Here are the pros and cons

Pros

1. Will be able to save around $1000+ a month
2. Bigger apartment
3. Won't have to pay for a parking spot
4. Sex on the regs

Cons.

1. Will be a 30-45 min commute to work instead of a 10 min commute
2. Will live with a 2/3 year old every other week
3. Have to drive everywhere rather than just walking to any bar/store I wanted like my current place
4. Moving sucks

Currently live in Portland, OR and would be moving to Vancouver, WA if I did move.....

Thoughts?
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I'd be concerned that she doesn't know how old her own kid is.. 2 or 3.
 
4 months dating sounds way too short to deal with the likely aggravation of breaking up and moving out with a GF. Throw a kid into the mix and you can really unintentionally mess up the kid. Even though you think the kid won't remember you, they very will likely remember you and they'll definitely remember you walking out on him and his Mom. So far you don't sound like you're ready to be a step parent to the kid.

I would rather get a new apartment with a roommate before moving in with this GF you don't sound super serious with.
 
Oregonmma said:
Kid wouldn't even remember me if we lived together for a year and I decided it wasn't for me
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That’s not true at all. If the kid is 2 he will remember you at 3. Same for if he is 3 and when he’s 4. Kids that age have memories and create loyalties in a similar way to dogs, but more complex.
 
write a prenup beforehand.

where i live, if you move in with a girl for six months, legally its a de facto relationship so she has the same rights as getting married, if things go bad, you could be on the hook financially. check out the laws in your country/state first and protect YOUR future.
 
Oregonmma said:
So my lease on my apartment is up this month. If I re sign I'll be paying $1750 a month for a 1bd 1ba 600sq ft apartment. I've been seeing this girl (Whom I've known for around 5-6 years) for about 4 months and we spend 2-4 days a week together. She has a 2/3 year old kid and her lease is up this month too. I'm sick of not being able to save much money so we are talking about getting a 2bd 2ba 1000sq ft apartment for $1800-2000. We've already found a few we like and I'm just going over everything in my head. The goal is to be able to buy a house sooner than later. Here are the pros and cons

Pros

1. Will be able to save around $1000+ a month
2. Bigger apartment
3. Won't have to pay for a parking spot
4. Sex on the regs

Cons.

1. Will be a 30-45 min commute to work instead of a 10 min commute
2. Will live with a 2/3 year old every other week
3. Have to drive everywhere rather than just walking to any bar/store I wanted like my current place
4. Moving sucks

Currently live in Portland, OR and would be moving to Vancouver, WA if I did move.....

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

I have never been in your situation but since you ask... all the stuff about saving money and convenience is extraneous in the long run.

The only real decision that you need to make is if you want to live with this woman and her son. If you are in love and want to try to make it work long term, I say go for it. If you are not there yet, then best to avoid cohabitating (you can keep dating and you both with eventually figure out the relationship part).

Good luck whatever you decide
 
No!

No amount of money is worth the cost of personal freedom!
 
Don't do it. Find a roomate and continue dating the girl if you can see yourself with her long term.
 
You're in a bit of a spot now, after already discussing this with her - before sharing with your sherbros. If you decide not to move in with her you could lose the relationship as she will feel slighted, unless you can come up with a really good excuse. It's also dangerous to move in with her because you're still in that 'honeymoon phase'. Doesn't matter if you have known her 4 years you don't really know someone until you live with them. From the outside looking in I wouldn't do it - but a younger me in the situation would have done it.
 
Oregonmma said:
I do love her and I'm not one to plan out a long term plan for being with someone so I just kind of go with the flow. With that being said I do see the potential to be with her long time more than anyone else I've been with for a long time
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That's great, love can take on a life of its own. I wish you all the best of luck and encourage you to enjoy the kid as much as you can. Get a cool kite, hone your picnic skills and have a blast making the kid happy and interested in new things. Good luck.
 
But what happened to that dominatrix chick that pegs you and buys you video games?
 
It's your life.

Why did the relationship with the father of the child breakdown......

If you're actually serious about this woman and her child, then go for it but go in with your eyes open, what seems like a logical deal to you might just be your minds way of trying to justify a less than ideal situation.

Remember gratitude has no place in a relationship as long as you can remember that, you shouldn't feel resentment if things don't work out.
 
Contempt said:
Well that's something but still, you've only known her for 4 months. One of my co-workers was telling me about her current living situation: Got a place with her boyfriend, broke up with her boyfriend but neither have the money to move out and break the lease. Ex got a new girlfriend and it's super awkward.

I'm glad I live alone(ish) because all this drama and crap sounds exhausting.
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Fucked up situation for sure. Glad it's one of my core values not to be financially dependent on anyone else ever.
 
Oregonmma said:
So my lease on my apartment is up this month. If I re sign I'll be paying $1750 a month for a 1bd 1ba 600sq ft apartment. I've been seeing this girl (Whom I've known for around 5-6 years) for about 4 months and we spend 2-4 days a week together. She has a 2/3 year old kid and her lease is up this month too. I'm sick of not being able to save much money so we are talking about getting a 2bd 2ba 1000sq ft apartment for $1800-2000. We've already found a few we like and I'm just going over everything in my head. The goal is to be able to buy a house sooner than later. Here are the pros and cons

Pros

1. Will be able to save around $1000+ a month
2. Bigger apartment
3. Won't have to pay for a parking spot
4. Sex on the regs

Cons.

1. Will be a 30-45 min commute to work instead of a 10 min commute
2. Will live with a 2/3 year old every other week
3. Have to drive everywhere rather than just walking to any bar/store I wanted like my current place
4. Moving sucks

Currently live in Portland, OR and would be moving to Vancouver, WA if I did move.....

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Ffs you'll be paying $780 more for a 2 bedroom apartment than I do for my mortgage on a 2 bedroom house with 1800 sq ft.

That's fuckin nuts sir.
 
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