Funniest jokes you know/heard (joke brahs gtfih)

freaky

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Everyone trying to be funny. Forget about ya'll. Post some of the funniest jokes you know. Here's some I just recently found.





^2 underrated comedians
 
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They both can close enough to smell it but they can't eat it.
 
What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vagina?

A woman
 
2 friends live in the same apartment building. Their apartments are identical. One friend goes over to the other's. He sees that his friend painted his apartment.

"Wow I really like this, I think I'll do the same. How many cans of paint did you buy?" He asks.

"7" his friend responds.

The next day the guy goes to the store, buys 7 cans of paint and paints his apartment. When he's done he realizes he only used 3 cans. He calls his friend up.

"Hey man, I just painted my apartment but I only used 3 cans."

His buddy responds,
"Yeah me too."
 
Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?.....

........because love means nothing to them.






Sorry.
 
Why did the hospital fire their top gynecologist?

He was caught eating on the job.
 
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean<45>


What do you call two nuns and a cheerleader?
Two tight ends and a wide reciever
 
How can you tell if a mechanic has just had sex?

One of his fingers is clean.
 
LOL! Good thread.

Yesterday I was at the cemetery and I watched 4 men carrying a coffin round for 2 whole hours. I think they'd lost the plot.
 
You know the funny thing about premature ejaculation?

It’s in your jeans.

I’ll see myself out.
 
An Octopus goes into a bar and says, "I can play any musical instrument going"
Someone gives him a guitar which he plays like Hendrix.

Then someone gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John.

Then a Scotsman throws him a set of Bagpipes.

The Octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says, "What's wrong, can ye no play it?"



The Octopus says, "Play it? I'm gonna bang her brains out once I get her pyjamas off"
 
What do you call an idiot who spends their days mortified by aliens, Arabs and Anthrax?

-A Fox news viewer
 
two cannibals are eating a clown.

One turns to the other and says, "Does he taste a bit funny?"
 
“Stephen Hawking had his first date jn years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees...


Apparently she stood him up!”
 
two cannibals are eating a clown.

One turns to the other and says, "Does he taste a bit funny?"
2 cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.
One turns to the other and says, "Does she taste a bit funny?"
The second says, "No."
 
Everyone trying to be funny. Forget about ya'll. Post some of the funniest jokes you know. Here's some I just recently found.





^2 underrated comedians


2nd guy was funny, that is a genuinely original and interesting prison story.

He was good in the 3rd vid too.
 
Norm macdonald dirty Johnny joke on YouTube is goat
 
Q. How do you get a snow man to pull his pants down?
A. Tell him the snow blower is coming?

Q. Why did Hitler commit suicide?
A. He got his gas bill.

Q. What is a tornados favorite game?
A. Twister
 
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