OMG I ****** up real real bad

Yeah everyone does but I pop those in when I’m watching naked ladies.

I just don’t pump off to thoughts. That’s boring. Even a TV Guide is better than nothing. Lol
Yeah I prefer porn no doubt. Sometimes you gotta improvise though
 
Lol at walking two miles to fap. That's the worse part of the story.
 
Its a nice day out so I figure, what the hell, I'm going to bust one out in the woods. Return to nature you know? Reconnect with the primal side.

th
 
Yeah I prefer porn no doubt. Sometimes you gotta improvise though


Well I always pop thoughts in of hot babes I’ve done or girls I wanna currently do. lol

I use porn in conjunction with the perverted thoughts. I have what you call a 2 lane attack strategy

I don’t just use porn because I don’t wanna be that guy who can only get hard watching porno.


Or as former president bush might say A two points of light strategy
 
I can't believe you still wanted to fap after hiking two miles into the woods.
 
Hopefully you didn't make it extra weird by doing something really odd like cramming something in your ass while you jerk off, or crying and yelling MOM while you're stroking it.
 
If it's a one time thing and you try to hide, the internet is going to find out who you are creep.

Your best bet is to make this your thing now. Actively seek out trail cams wherever you go and become a legend.
 
[QUOTE="IloveTHIS, post: 142109677, member:
What if in stead of fapping again I just go up to each camera and point a rifle at it and say some kind of creepy shit, like "dont try me" maybe wear a ski mask this time incase they get scared and go to the cops. .[/QUOTE]

So now you're creeping around in woods in a ski mask carrying a rifle? I don't see this ending well...

Anyway the cameras are probably battery operated and because of this are hopefully motion detection . Depending on how long before you wanked they might have even switched themselves off to conserve battery power.

They might not even have caught you or if they did the angle is probably wrong as it's set up to look for animals not to capture your face. Let's hope you have no visible distinguishing marks elsewhere eh ?

Plus the cameras aren't probably recording audio so you saying something is a loser.....of course if they are, let's hope you're not a noisy climaxer eh ?
 
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Oh. Not sure if anyone has mentioned it yet, but law enforcement often use trail cams to catch poachers or monitor wildlife in the area. Since there’s mulptile trail cams in one area I’m guessing it’s either that or if you’re luckily some college kids thesis.
 
Well I always pop thoughts in of hot babes I’ve done or girls I wanna currently do. lol

I use porn in conjunction with the perverted thoughts. I have what you call a 2 lane attack strategy

I don’t just use porn because I don’t wanna be that guy who can only get hard watching porno.


Or as former president bush might say A two points of light strategy
Lol I’m literally the exact same way. Have my list of girls I’ve banged before & ones I’m hoping to bang. I combine that with porn. You summed that up pretty good.

Right now I’m with a girl that watches porn & faps with me lol it’s something different, but she enjoys it so whatever. Her favorite is lesbian squirt porn. I’m fine with that lol
 
Lol I’m literally the exact same way. Have my list of girls I’ve banged before & ones I’m hoping to bang. I combine that with porn. You summed that up pretty good.

Right now I’m with a girl that watches porn & faps with me lol it’s something different, but she enjoys it so whatever. Her favorite is lesbian squirt porn. I’m fine with that lol


Good god that sounds like fun!
 
This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous but I dont know who else to tell and I need to get this off my chest. I'm absolutely panicked right now. I feel like I might pass out.

I live by a decently sized woods, it is right behind my house. Its a big enough wooded area that there are certainly plenty of deer and stuff in there, but not big enough to where anyone intelligent would hunt as they would definitely get in big trouble hunting within city limits.

Anyways I was feeling kind of frisky, needing to fap one out and it hit me. I dont know where this idea came from, but it came. Its a nice day out so I figure, what the hell, I'm going to bust one out in the woods. Return to nature you know? Reconnect with the primal side.

So I go pretty deep into the woods, deep enough to where it was definitely not still on my property. Probably about 2 miles in. I start the job when half way in something catches my eye in a tree. I immediately know what it is, and upon closer inspection I verify. A fucking trail cam. Its secured to the tree in some kind of homemade box with a lock. I cant get it off with out breaking the box.

Looking around I find 2 more for a total of 3. Two of them were essentially pointed right at me. I would smash them to pieces and steal the memory card, but looking up one Amazon that resembles them entirely it seems these fucking things can stream/store directly to computers and phones they are connected to!

WHAT DO I DO

Get some sort of alien or monster costume and go back. Do it again in disguise. Maybe even add in a huge black dildo as a prop. Scare the shit out of them and make them have a heart attack. Then they won't care much about you in the first instance. Shoot some milk on one of the cameras too. Go Hollyweird.
 
Weird thing is he made this story up to fap to.
 
I would big foot costume those trail cams to death, always in bad light and always at bad/odd angles

Lol
 
I immediately know what it is, and upon closer inspection I verify. A fucking trail cam. Its secured to the tree in some kind of homemade box with a lock. I cant get it off with out breaking the box.

Congrats on your first million views on PornHub.

"F***** Jerking Off In Middle Of Woods"
 
....who the fuck goes into the woods to jerk off? If you're out, and like, your balls are swelling and the woods is all you've got around, ok. But no one leaves their own home to go beat off in the woods unless they fuck deer.

Sorry TS but either you're full of shit or a really sick fuck who's not admitting there's a forest animal involved in this story.
 
Hopefully you didn't make it extra weird by doing something really odd like cramming something in your ass while you jerk off, or crying and yelling MOM while you're stroking it.
How are either of those things odd?
 
This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous but I dont know who else to tell and I need to get this off my chest. I'm absolutely panicked right now. I feel like I might pass out.

I live by a decently sized woods, it is right behind my house. Its a big enough wooded area that there are certainly plenty of deer and stuff in there, but not big enough to where anyone intelligent would hunt as they would definitely get in big trouble hunting within city limits.

Anyways I was feeling kind of frisky, needing to fap one out and it hit me. I dont know where this idea came from, but it came. Its a nice day out so I figure, what the hell, I'm going to bust one out in the woods. Return to nature you know? Reconnect with the primal side.

So I go pretty deep into the woods, deep enough to where it was definitely not still on my property. Probably about 2 miles in. I start the job when half way in something catches my eye in a tree. I immediately know what it is, and upon closer inspection I verify. A fucking trail cam. Its secured to the tree in some kind of homemade box with a lock. I cant get it off with out breaking the box.

Looking around I find 2 more for a total of 3. Two of them were essentially pointed right at me. I would smash them to pieces and steal the memory card, but looking up one Amazon that resembles them entirely it seems these fucking things can stream/store directly to computers and phones they are connected to!

WHAT DO I DO



Dammmmn. I mean you were just jacking it.

I guess just embrace it?


U can go break them but if they are set up for wireless you’re in trouble.

Are they night vision?
 
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