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That’s me

So, I went fishing the other day, and it was a disaster. I picked a lure like I was dressing up for a fish prom. Spent hours waiting, but the fish were probably watching Netflix. I hooked a seaweed bouquet, got more knots in my line than a bad relationship, and caught a fish 'this big'—if you...

I like steaks with cock seasoning

I went to look under the sink and there was a toad

Ok ok I see what’s going on

Anytime I find myself in a conversation where I don’t know what the other people are talking about, I pull out my phone and start reading straight from Wikipedia. Gets them every god damn time. I’m so smart in those situations

I want to bang the Detroit Lion’s Cheerleaders

Well you know now that Bellator is gone I guess the UFC doesn’t have to worry about that anymore. There are too many events and the cards are all watered down. I know I’m the only one here with this opinion so you can all eat Thanksgiving alone.

Fuck all of you

If any of you come after my tablet I’m going to shove it up both our asses

What kind of grass do you have in your front yard? I’ve got tall fescue. I bet your moms pussy is nothing but crabgrass

Finally someone with an actual top 10 list most of you are fucking retarded so fuck off I guess

Everyone fuck off I don’t care about your opinions

Your mom opened a restaurant

Hey guys please list your top 10 ways to make money fast I thought it would be an interesting thread. Fuck all of you though I don’t need your advice

Happy Halloween from Matchbox 20

Bud light gives out 40 million dollars a year to all kinds of charities so go FUCK YOURSELF

Listened to Matchbox 20

I got really into fried fish during the high point of Matchbox 20’s career

“I’m not crazy I’m just a little unwell” -Rob Thomas