- Joined
- May 24, 2015
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So I wasn't going to make this thread, but a few people on here know me and we have a laugh etc. so I'm just letting y'all know where I am in case anyone wonders over the next year. Also, I know SD has more than its fair share of people with substance abuse problems- You feel like you're alone in that situation. You're not.
I lost my job a while ago and went from functioning alcoholic to non-functioning alcoholic pretty fast. Since then things have just spiralled further and further out of control. Most of my friends can't make eye contact with me anymore. I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 years because I couldn't bare to put her through it anymore. My family talk to me, but only because they feel they have to.
I lost the ability to look after myself, eat properly, maintain personal hygiene and perform simple every day tasks. I was sectioned a few weeks ago and arrested for my own safety twice since. My health has rapidly deteriorated also. I've been admitted to hospital with withdrawal seizures multiple times and have lost 2/3 of my liver function. I was about a week away from homelessness when I made this decision.
I've checked myself into a dry hostel which revolves around AA and the 12 step program, something I've never been able to stay sober long enough to engage with properly. I'm not allowed to leave the building without a staff member (all alcoholics with at least 10 years of sobriety under their belts) for the first 3 months. My first goal is to attend 90 AA meetings in 90 days. I'm surrendering 100% to the program. Fuck it- It's got to be better than drinking myself to death.
I've begged, borrowed, manipulated, emotionally blackmailed and even flat out stolen to fund my addiction. I have the motivation to get sober over and over again but I can't sustain it. Here, I'm going to learn how to lead a good life without alcohol. There is no controlling my drinking- It's all the drink I can obtain or nothing at all. I'm just wired that way. When alcohol (even mouthwash ffs) hits the back of my throat, all I can think of is more alcohol.
I'm tired of convincing myself I don't have a problem. I have a big, big problem. I'm going to do this. I'm going to succeed. The people around me have all been through the same and worse. They've put their loved ones through the same and worse. They all seem really committed to change. I feel lonely, but I don't feel alone. I also feel safe. My environment before was not safe, and no place for someone to recover from a problem of this magnitude.
Thanks for the laughs over the years on sherdog. I will return a better person.
Take care,
Gaz.
1 MONTH UPDATE
I lost my job a while ago and went from functioning alcoholic to non-functioning alcoholic pretty fast. Since then things have just spiralled further and further out of control. Most of my friends can't make eye contact with me anymore. I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 years because I couldn't bare to put her through it anymore. My family talk to me, but only because they feel they have to.
I lost the ability to look after myself, eat properly, maintain personal hygiene and perform simple every day tasks. I was sectioned a few weeks ago and arrested for my own safety twice since. My health has rapidly deteriorated also. I've been admitted to hospital with withdrawal seizures multiple times and have lost 2/3 of my liver function. I was about a week away from homelessness when I made this decision.
I've checked myself into a dry hostel which revolves around AA and the 12 step program, something I've never been able to stay sober long enough to engage with properly. I'm not allowed to leave the building without a staff member (all alcoholics with at least 10 years of sobriety under their belts) for the first 3 months. My first goal is to attend 90 AA meetings in 90 days. I'm surrendering 100% to the program. Fuck it- It's got to be better than drinking myself to death.
I've begged, borrowed, manipulated, emotionally blackmailed and even flat out stolen to fund my addiction. I have the motivation to get sober over and over again but I can't sustain it. Here, I'm going to learn how to lead a good life without alcohol. There is no controlling my drinking- It's all the drink I can obtain or nothing at all. I'm just wired that way. When alcohol (even mouthwash ffs) hits the back of my throat, all I can think of is more alcohol.
I'm tired of convincing myself I don't have a problem. I have a big, big problem. I'm going to do this. I'm going to succeed. The people around me have all been through the same and worse. They've put their loved ones through the same and worse. They all seem really committed to change. I feel lonely, but I don't feel alone. I also feel safe. My environment before was not safe, and no place for someone to recover from a problem of this magnitude.
Thanks for the laughs over the years on sherdog. I will return a better person.
Take care,
Gaz.
1 MONTH UPDATE
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