Am I justified in being pissed off with my therapist?

[smooth assassin]

I actually think you should reanalyze his intentions, if he is critical but was hut when you told him that you didnt trust him enough to confide in him, that tells me that he thought he was helping and his intentions were only to help you. You also mentioned other therapists that were not as critical of you, did they help? If so why are you not with either of them anymore? I just think you might benefit from being open and all in and see where that takes you

 

[blaseblah]

"You've never coddled; you've always been a judgmental dick. I'm my own worst critic and you criticize the dumbest shit."

You are definitely not your own worst critic.

 

[panamaican]

I criticize myself too much. Being overly judgmental is what I need to work on. How does having a therapist be even more judgmental help that?

It's starts with understanding that there is a difference between being overly critical of yourself and being open to legitimate criticism from others.

There's no reason to believe that the things that you internally criticize yourself over are the same things that your therapist is externally asking you to focus on.

But it kind of goes back to my earlier concern, you're framing the therapist's actions as being judgmental and/or critical. That might be true but it also be true that you're not really open to the kind of changes that the therapist is asking of you.

Therapy is hard precisely because it asks you to take long-standing patterns of behavior and thought and change them on someone else's request. It's natural to interpret that request to change as an unreasonable criticism or to interpret the therapist's focus as secondary to the issue that the client has decided is the issue. But it's also often wrong.

People go to therapy because they haven't been able to solve the problem themselves. Often it's because they are applying the wrong solution...sometimes to the wrong problem. The therapist, as a byproduct of their training and being separate from the problem, are in a better position to identify the correct problem and the proper solution. But the client has to be willing to trust that the therapist has a strategy. If that trust isn't there then the client will continue to reject the solutions presented or even refuse to acknowledge the problem if it differs from their preconceived options.

I don't know if any of that is applicable to you but it sounds a lot like you don't trust your therapist's perspective. And the question is if that lack of trust is justified. From what you've written, I don't think so. It reads more like you don't like where he's directing your efforts so you don't really buy in to what he's asking of you.

 

[ObamaPhoneLady]

I'm on a treadmill now and just feel the fucked-upness of my childhood and young adult years just melting away

I'm on a treadmill now and just feel the fucked-upness of my childhood and young adult years just melting away

Literally any medical professional will tell you diet and exercise is important. Most people in therapy are in for real issues not just because mommy and daddy didn't give them enough participation trophies.

 

[ObamaPhoneLady]

Yeah, that was easily the dumbest thing in this thread.

Lol this stalker bitch again.

 

[Only Here for Attachments]

Literally any medical professional will tell you diet and exercise is important. Most people in therapy are in for real issues not just because mommy and daddy didn't give them enough participation trophies.

But why even bother with therapy for those "real issues" when all they need is to do a few bench presses?

 

[ObamaPhoneLady]

But why even bother with therapy for those "real issues" when all they need is to do a few bench presses?

Ask your dad.

 

[LTorino]

It's starts with understanding that there is a difference between being overly critical of yourself and being open to legitimate criticism from others.

There's no reason to believe that the things that you internally criticize yourself over are the same things that your therapist is externally asking you to focus on.

But it kind of goes back to my earlier concern, you're framing the therapist's actions as being judgmental and/or critical. That might be true but it also be true that you're not really open to the kind of changes that the therapist is asking of you.

Therapy is hard precisely because it asks you to take long-standing patterns of behavior and thought and change them on someone else's request. It's natural to interpret that request to change as an unreasonable criticism or to interpret the therapist's focus as secondary to the issue that the client has decided is the issue. But it's also often wrong.

People go to therapy because they haven't been able to solve the problem themselves. Often it's because they are applying the wrong solution...sometimes to the wrong problem. The therapist, as a byproduct of their training and being separate from the problem, are in a better position to identify the correct problem and the proper solution. But the client has to be willing to trust that the therapist has a strategy. If that trust isn't there then the client will continue to reject the solutions presented or even refuse to acknowledge the problem if it differs from their preconceived options.

I don't know if any of that is applicable to you but it sounds a lot like you don't trust your therapist's perspective. And the question is if that lack of trust is justified. From what you've written, I don't think so. It reads more like you don't like where he's directing your efforts so you don't really buy in to what he's asking of you.

Part of me thinks that just having doubt about this guy is too much and I need to start over, even if you're right. The guy really just came off badly to me and has criticized some really stupid shit. And trust me, I criticize the shit out of myself. I am practicing the DBT skill of kinder self-talk, since I have noticed just how unfair my inner voice is towards myself. It doesn't help to have this guy joining in on the criticism. How does that break the pattern?

 

[panamaican]

Part of me thinks that just having doubt about this guy is too much and I need to start over, even if you're right. The guy really just came off badly to me and has criticized some really stupid shit. And trust me, I criticize the shit out of myself. I am practicing the DBT skill of kinder self-talk, since I have noticed just how unfair my inner voice is towards myself. It doesn't help to have this guy joining in on the criticism. How does that break the pattern?

I don't know what you expect from therapy is you're averse to hearing criticism. If it's not too much prying - what's an example of really stupid shit he's criticized?

 

[LTorino]

I don't know what you expect from therapy is you're averse to hearing criticism. If it's not too much prying - what's an example of really stupid shit he's criticized?

Like I was saying, I told him I was trying to work on not finishing sentences with "You know what I mean?" He starts ripping me for it, even though I was totally aware of it and brought it up. Like, it was a bit ridiculous. In addition, I started making friends at the gym and being more outgoing. He got it in my head that I was possibly annoying people by conversing with them. The whole thing with why I never talked with people in the past was poor self-image and mind-reading that people didn't like me or I was annoying them. So, basically, he completely played on my fears for why I used to more introverted. Like, I went on vacation and kept trying to get away from a couple who was chatting with me, since he got it in my head I was annoying them, even though they kept moving closer to me to chat.

 

[Reyesnuthugr]

He's not being open, he's being abrasive. It's not even what he's saying it but how. His soft skills are sheit

Forget about this therapist and get one that knows how to converse pleasantly, at least. Good luck

 

[panamaican]

Like I was saying, I told him I was trying to work on not finishing sentences with "You know what I mean?" He starts ripping me for it, even though I was totally aware of it and brought it up. Like, it was a bit ridiculous. In addition, I started making friends at the gym and being more outgoing. He got it in my head that I was possibly annoying people by conversing with them. The whole thing with why I never talked with people in the past was poor self-image and mind-reading that people didn't like me or I was annoying them. So, basically, he completely played on my fears for why I used to more introverted. Like, I went on vacation and kept trying to get away from a couple who was chatting with me, since he got it in my head I was annoying them, even though they kept moving closer to me to chat.

Well, that seems far more nuanced than a sherdog conversation can cover. Having been to therapy and married to a therapist, I find it unlikely that a trained professional would randomly rip you for something or would tell you that you're annoying people without any basis for the statement. With all due respect, I'm sure there's quite a bit of history to those exchanges that aren't in your post (and that's fine, this isn't the place for them).

So, I'll leave it at this - change therapists if you don't like this one. But if you find yourself with a therapist who isn't pushing you to do things differently and critical of your behavior, you might like them better but they're probably not helping you either.

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

He may or may not be a good therapist for someone else, but all the research says that the therapeutic relationship is central to successful therapy, and if you don't trust the guy, find someone else. You don't even need to tell him why you are firing him if you don't want to.

The only thing I can add is that sometimes guys have a hard time being open with other guys, particularly if there is any type of top dog stuff going on between you two (which is on him to recognize any "counter transference" he has and be able to address, as you are the one paying him) so maybe try a female therapist next time to see if that is your issue or the dude's that you are firing. Either way, sounds like it's time to move on.

 

[spin]

all the stuff you're saying in this thread makes me side with the therapist.




cause when something like this should be all of 2 steps

don't like something you're paying for

stop paying for it.


no justification needed. no thread needed.



the fact that you're trying to make a case for mistreatment means you are trying to justify something. and its likely about you, not him.

 

[west42]

Show him your uppercut and see if he can find anything to criticize

 

[MoparOrNoCar]

Pretty sure all therapists judge and look down on their patients.

 

[LTorino]

I

Well, that seems far more nuanced than a sherdog conversation can cover. Having been to therapy and married to a therapist, I find it unlikely that a trained professional would randomly rip you for something or would tell you that you're annoying people without any basis for the statement. With all due respect, I'm sure there's quite a bit of history to those exchanges that aren't in your post (and that's fine, this isn't the place for them).

So, I'll leave it at this - change therapists if you don't like this one. But if you find yourself with a therapist who isn't pushing you to do things differently and critical of your behavior, you might like them better but they're probably not helping you either.

There really wasn't much history, honestly. I just told him I was enjoying being more friendly and outgoing, since I started feeling really happy and positive for the first time in my life. He made the wrong judgment that I was annoying someone, when they were the ones that continued the conversation at the gym that I brought up. Realistically, I was in an amazing mood for a few months and I kept seeing him since I was too trusting that a professional could help me. All he did was pointlessly criticize. I mean, like I told him on Tuesday, there's nothing he can criticize me about that I haven't already criticized myself about. So I guess it bugs me that he cannot say something meaningful or original. Being overly critical is my issue. Instead, it's shit that made me fear the outside and not want to interact for most of my life.