Date From Hell

WaylonMercy5150

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So the other day my I met up with this gal whom I met on tinder. We went out for a beer at brewery and had a great time. Only one problem; I sharted basically right away. So we are hitting it off and I got the brown dot in my fucking boxers. She asks if I want to go to her house and I say yes. She got in my car and guys I could smell my ass as soon as I sat down in the driver seat but she didn't say a thing. We got to her house and she said she was going to pour us some wine so I said I had to take a piss.

I went to the bathroom to try and see what kind of damage control I could do but it was too late, the squirt had hardened. So I washed my ass and taint and just like in the fucking movies she comes to the goddamn door and asks if I'm okay. I say yes and quickly finish up. When I get out she is wearing lingerie and basically wants to fuck right then and there.

My ass is on fire and I smell like Andre the Giants balls after his Wrestlemania 3 match. She starts kissing me and she smells great but every now and again I get that fucking lingering shit smell coming from my ass. She takes me to her bedroom and starts going down on me and I start freaking out.

She sits me on her bed and starts taking my jeans and underwear off and I just say fuck-it. When she finally got my boxers off I knew the smell had hit her like a ton of bricks. Her face soured and her eyes locked on mine with a look of sheer terror. She put her hand over her mouth and ran straight for the bathroom. I pulled my pants up, walked to her kitchen and grabbed a personal pizza from the freezer and drove home. We haven't spoke since.

So should I call her back?
 
Definitely stay in touch but ask her why it smelled like #2 once she got down to her lingerie. Say you're definitely willing to see her again but suggest a little more attention to personal hygiene.
 
"grabbed a personal pizza from the freezer and drove home".

LMFAO!!!!
 
What do you people eat that you can't control your bowel movement? lmao

I mean, first impressions are important, but you on top of it stole from her? Yeah, next buddy.
 
Props for snagging the za, but you should have stolen her Van Wilder DVD. That movie is way better when it's stolen.
 
I was on a bus for like two hours with severe diarrhea that was trying so hard to come out of my ass, that I thought God himself was helping it. I looked awkward, face red, legs crossed, body straightened out across the seats, trembling. People probably thought I was a goddamn weirdo. But I made it. I don't know how, but it was one of the hardest (and most painful) times in my life. Not a spot on my boxers. So can you explain to me how the hell you couldn't hold your shit in, when I'm sure there was a bathroom close by? If your story is even true, that is.
 
How do you know how Andre the Giants balls after his Wrestlemania 3 match smell?
 
How do you know how Andre the Giants balls after his Wrestlemania 3 match smell?
Do you think Andre has big balls in proportion to the rest of his body.

Or tiny baby balls?
 
Man I can't find it but some of the funniest shit I ever saw on the internet was this story from Misc about a dude shitting himself round his dates house. He ended up in the bathtub because he had a solid boner so he couldn't piss and shit in the toilet at the same time. Shit had MS Paint drawings and everything

Dying here just remembering it

Found it (*** Graphic MS Paint cock and scat warning ***)

 
Last edited:
So the other day my I met up with this gal whom I met on tinder. We went out for a beer at brewery and had a great time. Only one problem; I sharted basically right away. So we are hitting it off and I got the brown dot in my fucking boxers. She asks if I want to go to her house and I say yes. She got in my car and guys I could smell my ass as soon as I sat down in the driver seat but she didn't say a thing. We got to her house and she said she was going to pour us some wine so I said I had to take a piss.

I went to the bathroom to try and see what kind of damage control I could do but it was too late, the squirt had hardened. So I washed my ass and taint and just like in the fucking movies she comes to the goddamn door and asks if I'm okay. I say yes and quickly finish up. When I get out she is wearing lingerie and basically wants to fuck right then and there.

My ass is on fire and I smell like Andre the Giants balls after his Wrestlemania 3 match. She starts kissing me and she smells great but every now and again I get that fucking lingering shit smell coming from my ass. She takes me to her bedroom and starts going down on me and I start freaking out.

She sits me on her bed and starts taking my jeans and underwear off and I just say fuck-it. When she finally got my boxers off I knew the smell had hit her like a ton of bricks. Her face soured and her eyes locked on mine with a look of sheer terror. She put her hand over her mouth and ran straight for the bathroom. I pulled my pants up, walked to her kitchen and grabbed a personal pizza from the freezer and drove home. We haven't spoke since.

So should I call her back?
I laughed so hard that I sharted
 
What happened to that thread here years ago which told of a man shitting himself badly in a hotel hallway and apartment. The hotel maid looked like she was about to cry apparently.
 
Was giving the whole story a lame eye roll until the final paragraph. Saved right there.
 
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