Date From Hell

Ha! Who doesn't love a good shart story?

I've never sharted around a lady but I have let rip unintentionally in ones face. We were done banging and I climbed across her to get dressed. I bent over in front of her and she was on her side facing me. Let a big loud one go right in her mush.

Getting blown when dying for a dump is a tough one too. Was never one to blumpkin
 
In that case, you wash your ass with wet toilet paper and ditch the underwear in her bathroom trash can or out the window. A good baby wipe rubdown will have you smelling relatively good down there for the end of the night. Even if she finds the evidence later, you’ve already had sex and will be judged more on how everything went than just the one weird thing.
 
I don't believe the OP story happened.

*Sharting yourself early in the date, and afterward working your seduction skills to her her back to HER apartment?
*Not knowing to go into the bathroom, clean yourself up with toilet paper, hand soap, and throwing your underwear in the trash and going commando for the rest of the night?
*Worst case scenario - You can't clean yourself up, so you make up an excuse, an emergency, halfway through the date, while gaining enough interest for her to go out again in the near future.
*And absolutely under no circumstances do you actually go home with her, hours after you've shart yourself.

TS literally made every mistake possible, supposing it actually happened.
 
....just wipe your fucking ass and hide the shit stained boxers somewhere.
 
I don't believe the OP story happened.

*Sharting yourself early in the date, and afterward working your seduction skills to her her back to HER apartment?
*Not knowing to go into the bathroom, clean yourself up with toilet paper, hand soap, and throwing your underwear in the trash and going commando for the rest of the night?
*Worst case scenario - You can't clean yourself up, so you make up an excuse, an emergency, halfway through the date, while gaining enough interest for her to go out again in the near future.
*And absolutely under no circumstances do you actually go home with her, hours after you've shart yourself.

TS literally made every mistake possible, supposing it actually happened.
this
 
I was on a bus for like two hours with severe diarrhea that was trying so hard to come out of my ass, that I thought God himself was helping it. I looked awkward, face red, legs crossed, body straightened out across the seats, trembling. People probably thought I was a goddamn weirdo. But I made it. I don't know how, but it was one of the hardest (and most painful) times in my life. Not a spot on my boxers. So can you explain to me how the hell you couldn't hold your shit in, when I'm sure there was a bathroom close by? If your story is even true, that is.
While the TS's story made me laugh out loud, it's completely fictional.

In regards to your question, allow me to answer. There is a difference between shitting your pants in the traditional style, and the elusive shart. Typically, the only people that shit their breeches are babies and seniors. Perhaps the occasional war veteran with a malfunctioning colonoscopy bag. While commonly occurring in the demographics noted, most functioning humans do not shit themselves while they're in control of their own bowels. That is without taking in the wildcard variable known as the shart. The shart can and will strike at any time, creeping up unsuspected by the victim, before suddenly popping out of a person's corn-hole, like a dart from a blow gun.

The shart is deceptive and illusive, attacking when least expected. You're on a sushi date and had a beer before heading out, to help loosen up. Five California rolls later, you're chuckling at a joke you just made, using laughter to lean to the side and camouflage a fart. But wait! A little something extra slid out with your mirth. And you cannot resist the involuntary clenching of your gluts, only to feel a warmth squeeze it's way up and down your great divide. The repulsive odor of excrement hits, and you immediately ascertain it wasn't a simple silent but violent. Rather, you know deep in your heart, that it was a shart.

And that is how the shart pops up on a grown man! One simply cannot predict when and how the shart will attack. Even on your highest alert, a shart can still cripple you when you least expect it.
My advice to you would be to never belittle a man that was ruthlessly assaulted by a shart. Else, you could be next.
 
One of the girls I have recently been with had a special sense of private parts, nudity etc. Basically She didn't give a fuck about anything. Well here she was naked on the bed, crounched cat-like on the opposite way of me, giving plain view of the mystery country.
So of course I am looking a little bit. And then, of course, in plain view, here Comes the pfffrrt. In my direction. Was at the same time horrific, dirty and funny.
A chick just farting is not to appealing but when they are nude and do it in certain sexual settings it creates a strange arousal.
 
So the other day my I met up with this gal whom I met on tinder. We went out for a beer at brewery and had a great time. Only one problem; I sharted basically right away. So we are hitting it off and I got the brown dot in my fucking boxers. She asks if I want to go to her house and I say yes. She got in my car and guys I could smell my ass as soon as I sat down in the driver seat but she didn't say a thing. We got to her house and she said she was going to pour us some wine so I said I had to take a piss.

I went to the bathroom to try and see what kind of damage control I could do but it was too late, the squirt had hardened. So I washed my ass and taint and just like in the fucking movies she comes to the goddamn door and asks if I'm okay. I say yes and quickly finish up. When I get out she is wearing lingerie and basically wants to fuck right then and there.

My ass is on fire and I smell like Andre the Giants balls after his Wrestlemania 3 match. She starts kissing me and she smells great but every now and again I get that fucking lingering shit smell coming from my ass. She takes me to her bedroom and starts going down on me and I start freaking out.

She sits me on her bed and starts taking my jeans and underwear off and I just say fuck-it. When she finally got my boxers off I knew the smell had hit her like a ton of bricks. Her face soured and her eyes locked on mine with a look of sheer terror. She put her hand over her mouth and ran straight for the bathroom. I pulled my pants up, walked to her kitchen and grabbed a personal pizza from the freezer and drove home. We haven't spoke since.

So should I call her back?
This was great.
 
Hilarious, I was out and about looking for a new bed frame and decided to go to ikea. anyhow, wandering around walk by some dude and seriously - dude had to have sharded. Good lord.

Thought of this thread.
 
That is without taking in the wildcard variable known as the shart. The shart can and will strike at any time, creeping up unsuspected by the victim, before suddenly popping out of a person's corn-hole, like a dart from a blow gun.

Ah yes, the shart. Those can definitely catch you off guard, even if you're careful.
 
Plenty of options if you know what you’re doing.

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