First date horror stories

went on blind date in yokohama with 2 japanese girls and my buddy who set us up
they're japanese chicks so blind date isn't a big deal worst case they're a 5 and best case they're a 7, all in the acceptable range.

we get to the train station and i have to shit, NOW. fun fact about japan, most of their toilets are holes in the ground. a toilet with no bowel, in the ground. fine to pee in but if i'm using a public bathroom, it's likely going to have a last pattern and i need to be ass to target. well i hold it anyway with great trepidation and having to stop and stand still for a few seconds every couple hundred feet for the pain to subside and a cold sweat forming on my back.

we get to the bar, gas panic http://gaspanic.co.jp/, and i introduced myself. went to the bathroom and am in full panic mode now. the other gas panics all have regular toilets so this should be no issue, it's why i opted to hold it for this long. there are 6 doors in here. great. it's also just opened so i am likely christening the bowls, so this is an all around win.

well i was wrong. kick open the first door and it's a hole in the ground. motherfucker. second door, hole. shit. 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th repeat. red line for the coming brown holocaust bubbling it's wat to the surface like a bp oil spill. there is one more door and it's a utility sink...with a lip all the way around it... this could work. is there room to close the door in front of me since it faces the door? not really...

go back to the nearest hole in the ground...you walk in and the platform the toilet is on is raised about 6 inches, perhaps to take your shoes off before stepping up and getting to business? well in either event it is brand new so there's no wet foot dropping around the bowl... grab a handful of toilet paper and wipe the rim anyway and all the area around it. take another handful and create a barrier for me to sit on and voila! a crude toilet from scratch!
i'm a genius


do my business and all is well, until i flush
here's how a bowl with no standing water flushes
the water comes from the back and hits the solid waste, pulling i to the back and into the murky depths of human despair
if you happen to be sitting in the path of wreckage that follows you get a plume of water, paper, and carnage.

old-faithful-o.gif


all it needed was a ric flair woo!

now my delicate wonderland of happiness is engulfed in a fema style disaster. what do you do? the only thing i could do was pull my shit up to the bay of sinks and soap up. fortunately they had warm water. scrubbing up and the door opens to the bathroom.. who's standing on the other side but our dates, because somehow in a room with maybe 10 people there, there's still a line for the ladies room. they're in the hall directly across from the men's room. who the fuck was the architect? all they got to see was me washing my dick and balls off with hand soap at a bar bathroom sink, perhaps making it shiny for them.

not even going to try and explain this one. just snuck out the back after telling my friend i was out of there. took a cab home and never spoke to the ladies again. i think i wasn't going out on a limb thinking the date was over


You went to Gaspanic? That sounds like a dating horror story right there.
 
Gaspanic in roppongi is like shooting koi fish in a barrel. If you can't get laid there you fail at life

That is true. But the selection and the gaijin are gross. Doesn't help that there is incurable clap running around there. GP is just gross man, sorry, but when i went it was full of too skanky girls, and sleezy Nigerians, and lame white guys. I had to hang out with a Jamaican guy to team up with to go after girls.
 
gaijin is the only fun thing to chase
we stopped counting Asians after a while
need some challenge
the locals are like batting practice
 
So earlier this week the online dating thread got me back into POF. I just had my first date from there, and it went pretty bad. Anyone else have some bad stories to share as well?

I'll tell mine, but its pretty long and a shortened version wouldnt do it justice, you can skip reading it and just tell yours if you like,

It was a cute girl who messaged me, at least 8/10, so after some messaging and texting, we made plans for today. When I first pulled up to her house, there was a car with a pissed off looking dude parked in front, at this point my instincts told me to run and I should've listened. However, I called her and she told me it was her brother and to park around the corner and shed come to my car. I did, and when she came to my car she was at least 30-40 lbs heavier than her picture (she later mentioned that her pictures were over a year old). Once again, I wanted to stomp the gas and leave, but I didnt want to hurt her feelings so I let her in.

I originally planned to go to a nice restaurant, but by then I just wanted to cut my losses get through the date. So I scaled back and took her to Red Robin. The entire time, she was texting. She would talk to me, then just stop and text, ignoring anything going on, like she hit the pause button on life, then suddenly hit play and act like no time has passed. It took her less than 10 minutes to start telling me about her ex drama. I completely phased out and was just watching NBA on the tv behind her head, she didnt notice at all. THEN, she got creepy. She just started going on about how handsome I am (bitch is blind, im ugly as shit) and how lucky she is to eat with me. She got really quiet and pensive for a minute then SHE LITERALLY ASKED ME TO BE HER BOYFRIEND AND ASKED MY WEEKLY SCHEDULE SO SHE CAN PLAN ALL OF OUR DATES. I laughed it off, asked for the check, then thought better of it and just handed the server enough money to easily cover the bill+tip.

The whole car ride back to her house, she kept trying to make out with me and also demonstrate how good of a singer she is by singing full volume along with the radio. Once we got to her house, HER FUCKING EX WAS STILL SITTING OUT FRONT. So i parked around the corner (still thinking it was her brother) and thats when she told me who it was. I then told her "it was nice meeting you, so...", before she cut me off and asked if I wanted to sneak past her ex and come in. I declined and left as fast as I could.


Im still trying to process what the fuck just happened. I didnt know I signed up for this.

Epic thread is epic.

I once got cat fished. The chick had pics of being a cheerleader and doing gymnastics. In real life, I would pay for her to try and do a hand stand. She tried to sit on me at one point and my whole life flashed before my eyes.

yokozuna_1.gif

I felt like a teenage hostage. She was a slob. She destroyed junk food in front of me and left random bits crumpled on the coffee counter and left it there. When she tried to sit on me again, I got up, and left.

I guess that will teach me to wheel sloots off myspace with my band.
 
Epic thread is epic.

I once got cat fished. The chick had pics of being a cheerleader and doing gymnastics. In real life, I would pay for her to try and do a hand stand. She tried to sit on me at one point and my whole life flashed before my eyes.

yokozuna_1.gif

I felt like a teenage hostage. She was a slob. She destroyed junk food in front of me and left random bits crumpled on the coffee counter and left it there. When she tried to sit on me again, I got up, and left.

I guess that will teach me to wheel sloots off myspace with my band.
fuckin lol.
 
Decided to ask my friend's wife's sister out on a date back in the early 90's. We had Mexican food and I ordered the bean plate special since I was kinda strapped for cash at the time.

Got back to my friends house where she rented a room and low and behold her parents and older brother were there visiting. I sit on the big leather couch next to her and suddenly my stomach starts to rumbles and groan. There is no stopping the gas that is forming in my bowels so I try to cover the noise by scooting my ass on the couch...It kinda covers the noise but unfortunately the smell can't be concealed.

I excuse myself to the bathroom which is a total of about five feet away from where they are all sitting. I turn on the water faucet to full power hoping the running water just might cover up what I know is coming. I sit on the pot and carefully try to pass the conglomeration that has formed in my guts but it's of no use.... I blast out the loudest most obnoxious cacophony of rectal contents you could imagine.

From outside I hear her father say, "What the hell?" and her brother laughing while the mother said, "Shhhh you will hurt his feelings."

Knowing the gig was up I just plowed on through the rest of my dump knowing that any dignity I might have had was gone. The exiting of the bathroom was the biggest walk of shame I have ever taken and once I had returned to my seat the stench decided to follow me out like an old loyal dog.

It was our first and last date.


This remains one of the best posts in sherdog history. The loyal dog part gets me every time.
 
wow jesus, the bottom of the bottle? holy fuck

but regarding your first story, it seems to be a common theme where the girl comes out, and we just go through the date just to not be a complete asshole

we need to figure out a way to bail without shattering her selfesteem forever
Do they really deserve it in cases where they knowingly tricked you with older pics?
 
I may have shared this story on here before - years ago, I met a girl from POF.

Thought I would impress her and cook her a meal at my place.

I thought I'd treat her with some nice wine, scallops, lobster and dessert as she was fit!

The wine was flowing, the meal was a hit and straight after eating we went to bed to get it on, missing out dessert all together.

After we finished getting it on she said she started feeling queasy. While both lying naked on my bed she promptly and without warning began to projectile vomit across my chest and bed. It was while she was violently vomiting, she then sh@t herself.

I jumped up from the bed heaving because of the smell, she then stood up and tried to run to the toilet still vomiting, with faeces running down her leg.

She was in the bathroom for about 2 hours allowing me to change the bed sheets and tidy myself up.

I hadn't cooked her scallops properly. Ooops

6 years on, we're married.
Awesome story. Amazing that both of you managed to get past it, guess you were meant for each other :)
 
I may have shared this story on here before - years ago, I met a girl from POF.

Thought I would impress her and cook her a meal at my place.

I thought I'd treat her with some nice wine, scallops, lobster and dessert as she was fit!

The wine was flowing, the meal was a hit and straight after eating we went to bed to get it on, missing out dessert all together.

After we finished getting it on she said she started feeling queasy. While both lying naked on my bed she promptly and without warning began to projectile vomit across my chest and bed. It was while she was violently vomiting, she then sh@t herself.

I jumped up from the bed heaving because of the smell, she then stood up and tried to run to the toilet still vomiting, with faeces running down her leg.

She was in the bathroom for about 2 hours allowing me to change the bed sheets and tidy myself up.

I hadn't cooked her scallops properly. Ooops

6 years on, we're married.
Touching, that's love!
 
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