Funniest jokes you know/heard (joke brahs gtfih)

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by freaky, Dec 7, 2017.

  1. freaky

    freaky Banned Banned

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    Everyone trying to be funny. Forget about ya'll. Post some of the funniest jokes you know. Here's some I just recently found.





    ^2 underrated comedians
     
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  2. LaylaThePitBuLL

    LaylaThePitBuLL Red Nose Belt

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    What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

    They both can close enough to smell it but they can't eat it.
     
  3. Thai Domi

    Thai Domi Silver Belt

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    What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vagina?

    A woman
     
  4. Hearse Lightning

    Hearse Lightning Not an Uber

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    2 friends live in the same apartment building. Their apartments are identical. One friend goes over to the other's. He sees that his friend painted his apartment.

    "Wow I really like this, I think I'll do the same. How many cans of paint did you buy?" He asks.

    "7" his friend responds.

    The next day the guy goes to the store, buys 7 cans of paint and paints his apartment. When he's done he realizes he only used 3 cans. He calls his friend up.

    "Hey man, I just painted my apartment but I only used 3 cans."

    His buddy responds,
    "Yeah me too."
     
  5. KeiranMc

    KeiranMc Brown Belt

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    Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?.....

    ........because love means nothing to them.






    Sorry.
     
  6. AshiharaFan

    AshiharaFan Brown Belt

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    Why did the hospital fire their top gynecologist?

    He was caught eating on the job.
     
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  7. The Hash Slinging Slasher

    The Hash Slinging Slasher Green Belt

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    What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
    Ones a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean<45>


    What do you call two nuns and a cheerleader?
    Two tight ends and a wide reciever
     
  8. mmaelitefan000

    mmaelitefan000 Brown Belt

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    that depends if the pizza and pussy aren't rotten.
     
  9. Kraysla

    Kraysla Brown Belt

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    How can you tell if a mechanic has just had sex?

    One of his fingers is clean.
     
  10. Katsumi Yamada

    Katsumi Yamada Silver Belt

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    LOL! Good thread.

    Yesterday I was at the cemetery and I watched 4 men carrying a coffin round for 2 whole hours. I think they'd lost the plot.
     
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  11. mozza1831991

    mozza1831991 White Belt

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    You know the funny thing about premature ejaculation?

    It’s in your jeans.

    I’ll see myself out.
     
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  12. Clear Winner

    Clear Winner Big Poppa Pars

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    An Octopus goes into a bar and says, "I can play any musical instrument going"
    Someone gives him a guitar which he plays like Hendrix.

    Then someone gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John.

    Then a Scotsman throws him a set of Bagpipes.

    The Octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says, "What's wrong, can ye no play it?"



    The Octopus says, "Play it? I'm gonna bang her brains out once I get her pyjamas off"
     
  13. El anciano

    El anciano Green Belt

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    What do you call an idiot who spends their days mortified by aliens, Arabs and Anthrax?

    -A Fox news viewer
     
  14. Stranger Come Knocking

    Stranger Come Knocking Black Belt

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    war room please. not every thread has to have partisan crapola in it.
     
  15. LeSwas

    LeSwas White Belt

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    two cannibals are eating a clown.

    One turns to the other and says, "Does he taste a bit funny?"
     
  16. Clear Winner

    Clear Winner Big Poppa Pars

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    “Stephen Hawking had his first date jn years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees...


    Apparently she stood him up!”
     
  17. Higus

    Higus Silver Belt

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    2 cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.
    One turns to the other and says, "Does she taste a bit funny?"
    The second says, "No."
     
  18. Clear Winner

    Clear Winner Big Poppa Pars

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    2nd guy was funny, that is a genuinely original and interesting prison story.

    He was good in the 3rd vid too.
     
  19. kahiljabroni

    kahiljabroni Brown Belt

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    Norm macdonald dirty Johnny joke on YouTube is goat
     
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  20. CauseImbetta

    CauseImbetta BJJ master

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    Q. How do you get a snow man to pull his pants down?
    A. Tell him the snow blower is coming?

    Q. Why did Hitler commit suicide?
    A. He got his gas bill.

    Q. What is a tornados favorite game?
    A. Twister
     
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