Got Fleischmans from a Ten

ToxicShocker

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So I met this super hot chick on Tinder. She was 5'5, 120 lbs, and I kid you not 36 24 36. To top it off it was all fitness ass an legs, not overly built crossfit muscles, just firm round jiggly white T&A. The downside is her face was a 5, and had pockmarks like edward james olmos.

Her schedule was a little bit of a pain in the ass so we went on like 2 dates starting at 10 pm. Both of us would then get up at 6 am for work. Anyways, we went out and then got back to her place at 1. She wanted the D but for some reason just acted sleepy. She whispered "you can do anything you want to me".

Ka ching! I led her to her bed and stripped her down and wow, on top of the greatest curves i've ever conquested, she also had beach bunny tan lines. From here on out its all down hill.

I couldn't touch her power button more than a feather's weight. I was ready to run around her apartment complex wearing her like a halloween mask but she said I need to be liiiiiiiiiiiiiiight touches only. Like trying to paint the mona lisa with my tongue. This thing only runs on turbo baby.

So my game is a little off, and I'm not getting any feedback. This chick woulda been perfect for Bill Cosby. She would close her eyes and let you pose her like a real doll. Sounds great? apparently not. Its been a 20 hr day, I'm tired and she's playing hide and go seek with her personality. Ended up pushing rope, also cause she wanted me to wear a raincoat. Which is a good thing. We squirtled our turtles with our hands.

I went to work what 4 hrs later, and at hr 24 I took a shower. Dick was starting to itch a little. Turns out I got a yeast infection from her. She texted me "it was nice meeting you" the next day. To top it all off, I can't go on dates with any other ladies until I get rid of this damn wang colony.

Now I have to beat my beanstalk with lotrimin twice a day for a week, which isn't that bad cause it's for science or something.
 
Wait if her face is a 5, but she's a 10, does that make her body a 15??
 
This was a fantastic read.
 
"this chick would have been perfect for Bill Cosby"
{<jordan}

How can you tell someone they can do anything then demand light touches?
 
Lol at a 5 face... you may as well have fucked a tranny.
 
Bake something!
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^Some chick in Australia did that and mailed it to a morning radio crew. They ate it and then she explained it was "homemade"

That shit should get you hard time working in bartertown.

Lol at a 5 face... you may as well have fucked a tranny.

I will take that into consideration
 
This is poetry gold........Nothing like a little infection to keep the libido going.
 
So I met this super hot chick on Tinder. She was 5'5, 120 lbs, and I kid you not 36 24 36. To top it off it was all fitness ass an legs, not overly built crossfit muscles, just firm round jiggly white T&A. The downside is her face was a 5, and had pockmarks like edward james olmos.
That is not a 10, Sir.

Have fun with your leaven dick.
 
Man what a truly awkward sexual encounter.
You should see her again asap
 
That is not a 10, Sir.

Have fun with your leaven dick.

Speaking of an unleavened pita pocket, I really want to try a jewish chick. I went out with one and could tell she wasn't feeling it. Turns out she was the first serious digger I ever met face to face.

I'll keep trying though. Jewish women in southern CA are like the pinnacle of pristine white chicks. Or OC teen cheerleaders, but I'm not about to Jared Fogle myself.
 
Speaking of an unleavened pita pocket, I really want to try a jewish chick. I went out with one and could tell she wasn't feeling it. Turns out she was the first serious digger I ever met face to face.

I'll keep trying though. Jewish women in southern CA are like the pinnacle of pristine white chicks. Or OC teen cheerleaders, but I'm not about to Jared Fogle myself.
If you get the right SoCal jewess pregnant, you've got it made for sure.
 
6/10

Little to gross
I got the courage to share my story of strength and hope from the other STD thread. I'm hoping the mods appreciate the colorful euphemisms as an acceptable quality of self censorship. Also, as far as STD's go, a little candida is by far the best choice. Technically it's not even an "STD" despite earning it that way.
 
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Speaking of an unleavened pita pocket, I really want to try a jewish chick. I went out with one and could tell she wasn't feeling it. Turns out she was the first serious digger I ever met face to face.

I'll keep trying though. Jewish women in southern CA are like the pinnacle of pristine white chicks. Or OC teen cheerleaders, but I'm not about to Jared Fogle myself.
{<huh}

Examples?
 
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