So I met this super hot chick on Tinder. She was 5'5, 120 lbs, and I kid you not 36 24 36. To top it off it was all fitness ass an legs, not overly built crossfit muscles, just firm round jiggly white T&A. The downside is her face was a 5, and had pockmarks like edward james olmos.
Her schedule was a little bit of a pain in the ass so we went on like 2 dates starting at 10 pm. Both of us would then get up at 6 am for work. Anyways, we went out and then got back to her place at 1. She wanted the D but for some reason just acted sleepy. She whispered "you can do anything you want to me".
Ka ching! I led her to her bed and stripped her down and wow, on top of the greatest curves i've ever conquested, she also had beach bunny tan lines. From here on out its all down hill.
I couldn't touch her power button more than a feather's weight. I was ready to run around her apartment complex wearing her like a halloween mask but she said I need to be liiiiiiiiiiiiiiight touches only. Like trying to paint the mona lisa with my tongue. This thing only runs on turbo baby.
So my game is a little off, and I'm not getting any feedback. This chick woulda been perfect for Bill Cosby. She would close her eyes and let you pose her like a real doll. Sounds great? apparently not. Its been a 20 hr day, I'm tired and she's playing hide and go seek with her personality. Ended up pushing rope, also cause she wanted me to wear a raincoat. Which is a good thing. We squirtled our turtles with our hands.
I went to work what 4 hrs later, and at hr 24 I took a shower. Dick was starting to itch a little. Turns out I got a yeast infection from her. She texted me "it was nice meeting you" the next day. To top it all off, I can't go on dates with any other ladies until I get rid of this damn wang colony.
Now I have to beat my beanstalk with lotrimin twice a day for a week, which isn't that bad cause it's for science or something.
