I heard a guy in the gym the other day behind me while I was changing:
"I just want to put on some weight man. I need to get some fat on me. I don't care. You can turn fat in to muscle easier than you can build just muscle."
*sigh* *I start rubbing my eyes as I'm starting to get a headache*
This conversation goes on for a few minutes. After I have my clothes on I spin around and look at both of the guys (about 25 years old). I have my hate face on. I ask kind of quietly in that, I'm really fucking serious about my motherfucking bacon Ron Swanson voice, "Do you really want to gain weight?"
Them, "Yes!"
Me, "Are you sure?"
Them, "Yes!"
At this point I assume they think they've found a roid dealer.
Me, "Are you willing to do exactly what I tell you?"
Them, "Yes."
Me, "Drink a gallon of whole milk per day. Not that pussy ass watered down shit. Whole milk only."
Them, "Milk?"
Me, "Yes, whole milk. A gallon of milk is like 3200 calories. If you add the milk to your normal food, you'll put on 20lbs in 30 days. I guarantee it. Some will be fat, just like you said you wanted."
Them, "Wow. I never thought of that."
Me, "You don't have to believe me. You can go look it up on the internet. It's called GOMAD, aka, gallon of milk a day."
Them, "I believe you. I'm not going to look it up. I'm going to do it. You'll see."
Now, I'm not the biggest guy in the gym. I'm 5'11" or so and 200lbs~ give or take 5lbs depending on when I most recently dropped a deuce. I assume those guys wanted what I have, a few more lbs. I gave them the knowledge to get it.
The idiot part comes in when I heard the, "turn fat into muscle" thing. I hear some of the dumbest shit in the locker room. Fucking seriously. Most of the time I can overlook it but this time I just couldn't.