"Okay kids, everyone quiet now. Here's a map of our school district, as well as some surrounding districts, too. We will go around the room one at a time and I want you to point to the spot on the map where you think your house or trailer is located."
"Before your turn is over, use the hint on the side of the board and count, in order, the numbers 1-10. Remember, the numbers have to be in order from little to big. Counting is a very special skill and you will all be gifted counters one day. As a fun prize, everyone gets to keep a piece of the pop-up school-district scenery."
"Loiosh, what have we told you about chewing on the cardboard scenery? Please put that down RIGHT NOW. I know you can hear me Loiosh!"
"Listen, I know you have a lazy, droopy eye, Loiosh, and I'm sorry for that - but I expect you to make at least one eye's worth of contact when I speak to you, young man! Let me grab you a tissue, your eye is leaking worse than normal today."
"Don't cry Loiosh, it's really your parent's fault, although you certainly do deserve a share of the blame now that you've turned 8-years-old. Sometimes I wish your parents would've sat you down and taught you how to play Risk... you didn't have much potential, but at least Risk would've brought out what little you were born with."
"Young man, if you'd had access to the timeless guidance and invaluable life lessons that only Risk, the board game, can offer, you would have had a future to be proud of."
"Needless to say, class, I don't think any of us teachers or even you students will find it surprising to learn that Loiosh will likely grow up to spend the majority of his time on the internet, the human equivalent of a hermit-crab, dribbling a symbolic trail behind himself wherever he visits - not a trail of tears, as some would assume; but a trail of leaky-eye fluid... a trail that truly embodies Loiosh's wasted potential, as little as he had to begin with."
"Indeed, we can only hope it will serve as a warning to all of you, Loiosh's classmates - that by not playing Risk, you're ultimately making the biggest risk of your life, and YOU TOO may end up droopy-eyed, eating pieces of cardboard from pop-out gift cards, the evidence of your earthly presence as fleeting as the trail of eye-mucus Loiosh unceremoniously leaves behind him everywhere he goes."
"Class dismissed."