Hasbro releases Monopoly for Millennials: "Forget real estate. You can't afford it anyway"

Nah, you basically want to buy up as much property as you can at the beginning. Be a unyielding ass and basically force your opponents out by limiting their opportunities. Just like real life!

Of course u buy everything, but only so you can trade it for what you want later.
 
Fuck monopoly.

Real men play Risk.

Children play Risk.

Men play

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Money doesn't always buy a great time, but experiences, whether they're good -- or weird -- last forever. The Monopoly for Millennials game celebrates just that. Instead of collecting as much cash as possible, players are challenged to rack up the most Experiences to win. Travel around the gameboard discovering and visiting cool places to eat, shop, and relax. Interact with other players via Chance and Community Chest cards, (which are super relatable). And players don't pay rent -- they visit one another, earning more Experience points. This board game is a great way to bring a fun and relaxed vibe to a party or casual get-together.

Experiences include a 3-day music festival, a friend's couch, a vegan bistro, bike share, and yoga studio. A hashtag and smiley face emoji are among the tokens. The person with the most student debt rolls first. Uncle Pennybags is wearing a participation ribbon.

https://boingboing.net/2018/11/12/monopoly-for-millennials-r.html

Hard pass. The original is a classic.
 
fuck that.... the original is just fine..

i'm gonna buy fireball island when it gets re-released
 
Children play Risk.

Men play

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What the hell is that? It looks like something a special-needs teacher would bring to class in order to engage the painfully slow kids.

I imagine you as one of those children, and the classroom scenario plays out in my imagination with your teacher addressing you (and the rest of the class) in the following manner (with your ridiculous 'board game' sitting in the middle of the room as the children are gathered around it):

"Okay kids, everyone quiet now. Here's a map of our school district, as well as some surrounding districts, too. We will go around the room one at a time and I want you to point to the spot on the map where you think your house or trailer is located."

"Before your turn is over, use the hint on the side of the board and count, in order, the numbers 1-10. Remember, the numbers have to be in order from little to big. Counting is a very special skill and you will all be gifted counters one day. As a fun prize, everyone gets to keep a piece of the pop-up school-district scenery."

"Loiosh, what have we told you about chewing on the cardboard scenery? Please put that down RIGHT NOW. I know you can hear me Loiosh!"

"Listen, I know you have a lazy, droopy eye, Loiosh, and I'm sorry for that - but I expect you to make at least one eye's worth of contact when I speak to you, young man! Let me grab you a tissue, your eye is leaking worse than normal today."

"Don't cry Loiosh, it's really your parent's fault, although you certainly do deserve a share of the blame now that you've turned 8-years-old. Sometimes I wish your parents would've sat you down and taught you how to play Risk... you didn't have much potential, but at least Risk would've brought out what little you were born with."

"Young man, if you'd had access to the timeless guidance and invaluable life lessons that only Risk, the board game, can offer, you would have had a future to be proud of."

"Needless to say, class, I don't think any of us teachers or even you students will find it surprising to learn that Loiosh will likely grow up to spend the majority of his time on the internet, the human equivalent of a hermit-crab, dribbling a symbolic trail behind himself wherever he visits - not a trail of tears, as some would assume; but a trail of leaky-eye fluid... a trail that truly embodies Loiosh's wasted potential, as little as he had to begin with."

"Indeed, we can only hope it will serve as a warning to all of you, Loiosh's classmates - that by not playing Risk, you're ultimately making the biggest risk of your life, and YOU TOO may end up droopy-eyed, eating pieces of cardboard from pop-out gift cards, the evidence of your earthly presence as fleeting as the trail of eye-mucus Loiosh unceremoniously leaves behind him everywhere he goes."

"Class dismissed."



 
Debating if want to get this for my secret santa at work. Would be perfect for white elephant though.
 
Kinda funny as Monopoly was already originally a game designed to promote tax reform that was proposed to stop this reality from coming about.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Landlord's_Game

"She based the game on the economic principles of Georgism, a system proposed by Henry George, with the object of demonstrating how rents enrich property owners and impoverish tenants. She knew that some people could find it hard to understand why this happened and what might be done about it, and she thought that if Georgist ideas were put into the concrete form of a game, they might be easier to demonstrate."

Monopoly was based on this earlier game (Parker bros brought the patent).

Well I guess it came true, but never mind, Hasbro have a new version of the game to sell to you so don't worry about understanding that stuff, just consume their product instead...
 
What the hell is that? It looks like something a special-needs teacher would bring to class in order to engage the painfully slow kids.

I imagine you as one of those children, and the classroom scenario plays out in my imagination with your teacher addressing you (and the rest of the class) in the following manner (with your ridiculous 'board game' sitting in the middle of the room as the children are gathered around it):

I can't wait for you try-hard whitebelt posts to grow up into tryhard yellowbelt threads.
Keep dreaming big guy.
 
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