How the f**k do you make friends as an adult

[OneManOrgy]

I'd rather be by myself.

 

[Anung Un Rama]

from the parts of other adults who you don't find fully agreeable

 

[MC Paul Barman]

Don't shit on me too hard.. legit asking advice

I was an athlete in college didn't know what to do when it was all over. I thought grad assistant would be a good idea, but coaching positions are scarce. I find myself in Kansas City (not a big city, but big for me) and the only people i know are married.

I workout everyday but I'm in an area that seems to be made up of townies that all know each other..

My work colleagues are either incredibly older or are a little older and are too goal driven to connect with

If you have a couple of close friends by the time you get to 35.... you're doing good.
And those tend to be friends you had from your youth.

College friends (and I've seen this play out time and time again) are usually the first to fall off.

 

[mirror45]

Joining classes or sports teams is the best way. Also start talking to people and participate. After you start your friendship, keep talking everyday to make your bond stronger or those friends would leave you. Btw you cannot expect a close friendship if you meet the person online

 

[Satsui Ryu]

This concerns me a lot. The thought of making new friends doesn't really appeal to me and at this point they really are not needed, but not having friends if something were to go wrong in life is a scary proposition. Life can get real lonely and isolated real quickly.

 

[bandicoot]

Interesting. I guess by faith/religion you mean various strands of Christianity? I can see how Christianity practiced with sincerity could go a long way to explain a kind, humanistic disposition but it can't be the whole explanation...? I mean, there are Christians everywhere in the Western world, including a lot of not so friendly ones. We have some die-hard Christian countries here in Europe, where people are...whatever is the opposite of warm, friendly and helpful.

I always figured it was the Southern accents - they are so great they just put you in a good mood and makes you want to be kind
The South does sound great though - maybe TS should move there instead of Kansas.

Yeah, the south is very split in terms of "bible thumpers", and those that tend to just follow the basic tenets, i.e., the Ten Commandments. The latter group tends to be the ones I'm talking about, they make up the majority imo.

 

[pinger]

It sucks. I am pretty adult friendless.

Being single does not help at 40+. Most shit is couples stuff.

Also, I moved ALOT during my early corporate career. Fucked alot of strange, but never in one spot long enough. Many of my firends are scattered around the country.

 

[cooks1]

As an adult, time constraints erode time for friendships.

I am 49. While I have lived in the same place now for the last 11 years and now have a good circle of friends, the 14 years prior to that were spent moving countries every 2-3 years (corporate-not military). So I have a fair bit of experience starting from scratch.

Don't force things, but be aware. You need to initiate. If you run meet someone at a social gathering, work function, or hobby, and enjoy their company, suggest an outing. 'Where is your watering hole' is a good benign question that can transition into a night out. If you do this with 3 or 4 people that already have friends, you will soon find a circle you are comfortable in.

 

[clutchCAT420]

Backpage..

 

[Amerikuracana]

I have 500 FB friends, many of which think I'm cool because I was cool as a teen.. But I'm not cool now, and I guess I have no friends. I have a couple people meeting me at a DMB concert.. College buddies.. But they don't count.

 

[HomeCheese]

I find myself in the same situation as I just moved to a new state. Tinder is a fun way to start and then volunteer for a cause or two you enjoy. I moved to Hawaii and there is lots of girls on Tinder, many tourists though. I also love the beach and there are numerous ocean cleanup type groups.

Good luck and don't forget to smile.

 

[tonysmasseuse]

Yeah, the south is very split in terms of "bible thumpers", and those that tend to just follow the basic tenets, i.e., the Ten Commandments. The latter group tends to be the ones I'm talking about, they make up the majority imo.

Makes sense. I'm not putting away my homemade theory that warm, friendly accents creates a warm, friendly atmosphere which again makes for warm, friendly personalities just yet, though.

 

[Darth_Inv1ctu5]

If you are really desperate go to any number of 12 step programs like AA or NA. Those places are full of lonely people. Lots of free hugs and coffee, too. When they ask you what your addiction is just mumble and look away with downcast eyes.

Also PS4, once you filter out all the 12 year old kids' friend requests you'll slowly build a base of people you can chill with irl too.

Become a personal trainer and you'll be fucking golden. And fucking.