I done goofed (Relationship related... yes EMO)

It's been almost three months since I called off my engagement, and I regret it more and more each day. While I am not going to bore you all with the details of what happened, my (ex) girlfriend and I were going through a difficult time - we went to India together and basically fought none stop, and when we got back, I gave up. She had proposed going to relationship counciling, but in that moment, I thought we were just two different people (we loved each other, but we didn't see eye to eye on alot of issues).

In a twisted way, I rationalized it at the time that she deserved somebody who could be the man she wanted - I was obsessed with work and lived a life of routine, she prioritized balance and being adventerous.

Fast forward to now, and I am going stir crazy without her. A couple of weeks back, I caved and asked for a second chance, and she told me she needed "time and space" to make a decision - I don't think that bodes well. Truthfully, I am trying to accept the fact I can't change the situation, and just work on the things I know I struggle with in relationships.

Tonight was actually really difficult - I was out with friends, and there were a number of single woman in the group, and I honestly couldn't even fathom the thought of being with anyone else (or worse yet, think of her with another guy).

This fucking sucks. I'm 33 years old, and I'm acting like a teenager. I would give up almost anything for a second chance, but I know there isn't anything I can do to affect the situation.

I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I suppose the anonymity of the Internet makes it easier to get this off of my chest.
Dude, she sounded fucking crazy.

She got hyper emotional because you bought her a gift and was pissed at you because you gave them her shipping address if I remember correctly because it could possibly "inconvenience her" because she wanted it shipped to whatever Hotel in another country you were visiting instead.

You made plans for "in the event they cannot ship it on time", covering your bases to get her a gift and she lost it like an emotional lunatic because she is controlling and wants you to follow her instructions to the letter so it does not inconvenience her(Even though it inconveniences you, that seems ok with her).

She is also 10 years older than you and you are mid 30's. You should be trying to bang young hot girls if you are willing to put up with irrational and moody shit. At least they have tight bods to make up for their irrational shit and they are not entering menopause like she is.

And you gave us an update too
Cliffs:
ByeGoldberg-890x560.png


Update (Warning, Long post):

After calling and apologizing, we get together on Saturday. It starts well, we have always enjoyed each other's company, and we spent the day running errands, but having a good time. However, it all started to unravel when I purchased her a piece of flan (the cake).

I buy the flan and put it in the back of the car. I guess I didn't put the bag down properly, and the syrup from the flan leaks out of the box and onto the container. She starts going off on me, and says that I should be more observant. I let it go and laugh it off.

We go back to my place where she immediately starts to complain about me not putting away my dishes. Keep in mind that we don't live together. Once again, I laugh it off and try to make a joke about being a man child. Admittedly, I should have probably been contrite, but I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal. She starts getting moody and says that she can't see herself living with someone who needs to be constantly reminded to do small domestic duties. She calms down, and we start dinner.

While I'm not going to go into ever detail, over the duration of a 30 minute meal, she told me what I could and couldn't eat, how to position a fork in my plate, and complained about the way I took the cover off of the salad (there is apparently a right and wrong way). In all fairness to her, I suppose I should know these things, but I felt like I was being nagged to death. She even went so far as ordering me to get a piece of paper and write down the cleaning supplies I needed. I still bite my tongue and concede that I am not a particularly functional adult.

Later in the evening, I go to make a move and she says she isn't in the mood because of my man-child behavior. I actually didn't mind and don't presume that my partner will always be in the mood, so we are just sort of lying down on the couch together. She changes her mind 30min later and we start to fool around. As we are kissing, she notices that I still have gum in my mouth and she freaks out. She literally starts yelling at me and tells me to go spit it out and brush my teeth (keep in mind that I am 32 years old and work as a university professor, yet I am being ordered around like a child).

At this point, I have concluded that I can't live like this. I am genuinely starting to dislike her, and I would rather part on good terms while there is still mutual respect and love. I tell her that I am worried I don't think I can change fast enough to meet her expectations of what a partner should be, and that I don't think we are compatible. She starts crying and begging forgiveness, and promises to change.

The thing is, I don't think she should have to change - her expectations of what a man should be are not unrealistic and I genuinely just fall short. I love her and treat her well, but I know we will end up hating one another because we fundamentally value different things in a relationship. For me, it isn't a big deal to have dirty dishes in the sink, but for her it is. I would have hoped she would be more understanding given that I am good at the grand gestures of love - I surprise her gifts, hold open the car door, plan romantic get-aways etc. But life is more than just grand gestures, it is mostly the small day to day stuff.

I feel awful in the sense she is devastated. She told me that she feels like was her last chance at finding love and having a family, and we really do have an amazing time together 99% of the time. However, I also feel a tremendous sense of relief - I was being controlled (from the way I ate/dressed, all the way to the point of telling me to stop bodybuilding). I would rather be an eccentric solitary scientist than be in a relationship where I lost my sense of identity.

Many thanks for the advice everyone. I will try and be less emo in the future.

You running back to her now was absolutely the wrong thing to do. If anything you should have called to "check up" on her if you were interested and seen if she wanted a Coffee. You NEVER let them know you miss them romantically. Now she knows you want to get back together with her and women being women, will try to gain the high ground so she can control you more if she is interested at all.
 
Polygamy requires even more commitment and capability than monogamy.

On people not being able to form successful longterm relationships, I blame a lack of role models. Probably brought on by the sexual liberation and feminism allowing for single mothers to live without shame.
Only if you have the possessive "this is my vagina you touch I kill" mindset. I mean I'm sure not speaking as someone that is above that or anything, but I imagine earlier poly societies weren't as manically possessive and codependent as we are.


Perhaps because there was a smaller community where everyone felt they had a purpose. Unlike now where there are way too many people, a lot of people aren't living the life they want and don't feel valued. So they latch onto some other random person and make that person their whole reason for living.


On an emotional level I can't separate myself from that way of thinking. But logically it seems very much a product of existentialism caused by massive overpopulation and societal pressure to me.
 
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Dude, she sounded fucking crazy.

She got hyper emotional because you bought her a gift and was pissed at you because you gave them her shipping address if I remember correctly because it could possibly "inconvenience her" because she wanted it shipped to whatever Hotel in another country you were visiting instead.

You made plans for "in the event they cannot ship it on time", covering your bases to get her a gift and she lost it like an emotional lunatic because she is controlling and wants you to follow her instructions to the letter so it does not inconvenience her(Even though it inconveniences you, that seems ok with her).

She is also 10 years older than you and you are mid 30's. You should be trying to bang young hot girls if you are willing to put up with irrational and moody shit. At least they have tight bods to make up for their irrational shit and they are not entering menopause like she is.

And you gave us an update too


You running back to her now was absolutely the wrong thing to do. If anything you should have called to "check up" on her if you were interested and seen if she wanted a Coffee. You NEVER let them know you miss them romantically. Now she knows you want to get back together with her and women being women, will try to gain the high ground so she can control you more if she is interested at all.

Yeah I remember all this now. Look @Brampton_Boy please don't take this the wrong way, because I like and respect you a great deal. This. Bitch. Is. CRAZY.


You DESERVE BETTER. MUCH BETTER. And you have a LOT going for you. You CAN DO BETTER. At some point in your life you were emotionally damaged by something. Thats why you think it's worth slogging uphill through bullshit because you connect with someone. Take a time out and think on these things.

I've been single for years since my ex wife. Partly because there's been other shit to worry about and I'm extremely awkward. But also partly because my divorce opened my eyes to MY big problems. If you keep attracting the crazy, it's because of insecurity within you that you haven't dealt with yet. Take some time. Figure that out. Then go get the girl you deserve.


And, even though it's hard, be intellectually present when the emotional roller coaster starts next time. We see the red flags when we're in love. I did with my exes. We just push them aside because that feeling is quite literally like being high on drugs. It overwhelms your reason. Don't let it. Be willing to expect more, and to respect yourself more.
 
It's been almost three months since I called off my engagement, and I regret it more and more each day. While I am not going to bore you all with the details of what happened, my (ex) girlfriend and I were going through a difficult time - we went to India together and basically fought none stop, and when we got back, I gave up. She had proposed going to relationship counciling, but in that moment, I thought we were just two different people (we loved each other, but we didn't see eye to eye on alot of issues).

In a twisted way, I rationalized it at the time that she deserved somebody who could be the man she wanted - I was obsessed with work and lived a life of routine, she prioritized balance and being adventerous.

Fast forward to now, and I am going stir crazy without her. A couple of weeks back, I caved and asked for a second chance, and she told me she needed "time and space" to make a decision - I don't think that bodes well. Truthfully, I am trying to accept the fact I can't change the situation, and just work on the things I know I struggle with in relationships.

Tonight was actually really difficult - I was out with friends, and there were a number of single woman in the group, and I honestly couldn't even fathom the thought of being with anyone else (or worse yet, think of her with another guy).

This fucking sucks. I'm 33 years old, and I'm acting like a teenager. I would give up almost anything for a second chance, but I know there isn't anything I can do to affect the situation.

I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I suppose the anonymity of the Internet makes it easier to get this off of my chest.

Just to give you some perspective, if you had married her, you'd be in here making threads about how you made a terrible mistake marrying her.

You weren't ready, bruh.

The lead up to getting married is probably one of the most stressful times a person can go through, even with a super laid back wife like I have, she went a little nutty in the 2-3 months leading up to it.

Life isn't perfect. Don't torture yourself thinking you'd be in wedded bliss right now. You two would still be fighting over dumb shit. You'd still be a workaholic and she's still be a dolt that thinks going to fucking India for vacation sounds like a good time.
 
Only if you have the possessive "this is my vagina you touch I kill" mindset. I mean I'm sure not speaking as someone that is above that or anything, but I imagine earlier poly societies weren't as manically possessive and codependent as we are.


Perhaps because there was a smaller community where everyone felt they had a purpose. Unlike now where there are way too many people, a lot of people aren't living the life they want and don't feel valued. So they latch onto some other random person and make that person their whole reason for living.


On an emotional level I can't separate myself from that way of thinking. But logically it seems very much a product of existentialism caused by massive overpopulation and societal pressure to me.

From what I understand it has, almost exclusively been multiple females with a single male.

The monogamy is likely a consequence of society backing up less capable males, instead of only the best largely being able to defend the families resources.
 
Honestly, you are looking at this shit bass ackwards. You are not asking her for a second chance. You are giving her a second chance.

You broke up with her. You had your reasons. Upon further reflection, you would like to revist the thing.
She may not want to now, but that's on her.

She will have taken your refusal to go to couples counseling hard, as other have mentioned. That's you basically saying she was not worth it.

Don't try to do it all at once, just ask her out to dinner or whatever. You are going to have to break the ice anyway before any rebuilding can be done.
 
From what I understand it has, almost exclusively been multiple females with a single male.

The monogamy is likely a consequence of society backing up less capable males, instead of only the best largely being able to defend the families resources.
I suppose that makes sense. People want relationships to be all about feelings. And they are to a degree. But every single relationship of any kind is also a value proposition. People don't like to hear that, but it's true.

In our pop culture we push a lot of this "they need to love you for you" bullshit. But that's only true if the value you offer makes it worthwhile. And nobody else can come along and offer more value. If people accepted that going into relationships it would be a lot better for everyone.

The best advice you can give anyone struggling in relationships is to work on raising their value. And then demand a partner that recognizes that value. There are too many people throwing themselves at people that don't respect them. And too many people sitting around fat in sweatpants waiting for someone to "love them for who they are"
 
Just to give you some perspective, if you had married her, you'd be in here making threads about how you made a terrible mistake marrying her.

You weren't ready, bruh.

The lead up to getting married is probably one of the most stressful times a person can go through, even with a super laid back wife like I have, she went a little nutty in the 2-3 months leading up to it.

Life isn't perfect. Don't torture yourself thinking you'd be in wedded bliss right now. You two would still be fighting over dumb shit. You'd still be a workaholic and she's still be a dolt that thinks going to fucking India for vacation sounds like a good time.

Ain't that the mother fucking truth. 4 months before my wedding my wife went batshit cray-cray. Out of the blue-she wants us to go to couples counseling to 'work on our issues'. Only problem being we were in fucking utopia as far as I was concerned. I was like 'Could you give me some idea of what these issues we need to work on are before we go to the counselor.' She was like 'you know-just things....' For fuck sakes.

This is what I actually told her. "My non-professional diagnosis is that absolutely nothing is wrong, and you are just slowly losing your shit because the wedding is around the corner. So I tell you what, YOU go to the counselor, have a few sessions yourself, and if he comes up with a different diagnosis, I will be happy to join you."

She went to a couple sessions, and I never heard anything of it.
 
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It's been almost three months since I called off my engagement, and I regret it more and more each day. While I am not going to bore you all with the details of what happened, my (ex) girlfriend and I were going through a difficult time - we went to India together and basically fought none stop, and when we got back, I gave up. She had proposed going to relationship counciling, but in that moment, I thought we were just two different people (we loved each other, but we didn't see eye to eye on alot of issues).

In a twisted way, I rationalized it at the time that she deserved somebody who could be the man she wanted - I was obsessed with work and lived a life of routine, she prioritized balance and being adventerous.

Fast forward to now, and I am going stir crazy without her. A couple of weeks back, I caved and asked for a second chance, and she told me she needed "time and space" to make a decision - I don't think that bodes well. Truthfully, I am trying to accept the fact I can't change the situation, and just work on the things I know I struggle with in relationships.

Tonight was actually really difficult - I was out with friends, and there were a number of single woman in the group, and I honestly couldn't even fathom the thought of being with anyone else (or worse yet, think of her with another guy).

This fucking sucks. I'm 33 years old, and I'm acting like a teenager. I would give up almost anything for a second chance, but I know there isn't anything I can do to affect the situation.

I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I suppose the anonymity of the Internet makes it easier to get this off of my chest.
The situation will work itself out one of two ways. You either get back together or you don’t. Based on your comments this might be a good time to break free. You need someone who can support and encourage your routine and planning. I doubt this is something you’ll want to change. I would personally tell her you love her but at this point you both need more time. Now is definitely not the time to jump back in and you do not I repeat do not want to come accross as needy and desperate. That will turn her away for good. Go to Vegas for a fun weekend and hit up a pool party. You’re single now brother and friggin jacked and ripped. Enjoy your freedom and good luck with whatever the future holds.
 
@Brampton_Boy
Do you have a strict routine but realize sometimes you have to break it for others or are you ocd about it
Probably some form ADD which is fine. People need to be supported to be the best version of themselves. Let your partner work out at the same time every day, etc if it makes their life better.
 
As a species we haven't been doing Monogamy all that long. Men and women are wired to want to fuck more than one person. Just for basic survival purposes.


It's possible to rise above our primal instincts, but a lot of people aren't good at it. Although it's a difficult topic for me to be neutral and fair about, I don't think a lot of people have a choice. The I Love You The Mostest chemicals that make us want to try monogamy last for like 2 to 3 years tops.


That's what Rick is getting at there. He's a miserable misogynist but he's also being honest there. Once those chemicals slowly fade that's it for the vast majority of relationships. You have a.few years to quickly put down roots with someone. To find something that bonds you beyond sex and hormones. Most people cannot do it, and I'm not sure it's their.fault. Monogamy was always held together by strong societal pressure and the threat of being exiled from the community


Well now we live in a culture where that pressure (and support) is largely gone. At the same time people aren't limited to just the dating pool in their village or city or whatever. And there's no worry about poisoning the well by being a shitty partner and having word spread through the local community, because our communities are much looser (in more ways than one hayo!) than they once were.
I agree with lots of what you’re saying but common don’t bring men down to the level of primitive animals. We’ve evolved and have intellect and intelligence which renders us capable of resisting sexual temptation. Is every heterosexual man sexually attracted to some beautiful women who aren’t their spouse? Absolutely! Not acting on our urges and being disciplined is what makes us human not the opposite.
 
Probably some form ADD which is fine. People need to be supported to be the best version of themselves. Let your partner work out at the same time every day, etc if it makes their life better.
I used to be very rigid in my schedule and I’ve changed a lot recently and wish I did it a lot sooner. It’s a lot better for a relationship
 
I suppose that makes sense. People want relationships to be all about feelings. And they are to a degree. But every single relationship of any kind is also a value proposition. People don't like to hear that, but it's true.

In our pop culture we push a lot of this "they need to love you for you" bullshit. But that's only true if the value you offer makes it worthwhile. And nobody else can come along and offer more value. If people accepted that going into relationships it would be a lot better for everyone.

The best advice you can give anyone struggling in relationships is to work on raising their value. And then demand a partner that recognizes that value. There are too many people throwing themselves at people that don't respect them. And too many people sitting around fat in sweatpants waiting for someone to "love them for who they are"

That is very well said right there. That is probably the #1 thing people don't think about that they should.

The #2 thing that goes hand in had with this is determining what is valuable. And sadly, that varies woman to woman. And Man to man for that matter.

I think there are a lot of very well intentioned people out there trying to provide value. The problem is they are providing the things they think their partner should value. Which are not necessarily the things their partner actually values. This is where actually knowing your partner and what makes them tick comes in really handy. And this is where most frustration and resentment reside in relationships.

I see it all the time. A dude comes home from a hard day of work with flowers in his hand, to a home that is immaculately clean with dinner on the table. Yet some fucking how, some fucking way, these 2 people go to bed furious at each other.

And the reason is because the woman does not give a shit about the flowers. She would prefer he man to just come home without the flowers and muck straight in with the house chores. And the man probably does not care that the house could double as an operating room. He might rather have just your basic level of tidiness and a woman with enough energy at the end of the night to put a pillow on her knees and get to work in the bedroom or whatever. Just 2 everyday people trying to do right and failing because they don't know what the other one really values.
 
It's been almost three months since I called off my engagement, and I regret it more and more each day. While I am not going to bore you all with the details of what happened, my (ex) girlfriend and I were going through a difficult time - we went to India together and basically fought none stop, and when we got back, I gave up. She had proposed going to relationship counciling, but in that moment, I thought we were just two different people (we loved each other, but we didn't see eye to eye on alot of issues).

In a twisted way, I rationalized it at the time that she deserved somebody who could be the man she wanted - I was obsessed with work and lived a life of routine, she prioritized balance and being adventerous.

Fast forward to now, and I am going stir crazy without her. A couple of weeks back, I caved and asked for a second chance, and she told me she needed "time and space" to make a decision - I don't think that bodes well. Truthfully, I am trying to accept the fact I can't change the situation, and just work on the things I know I struggle with in relationships.

Tonight was actually really difficult - I was out with friends, and there were a number of single woman in the group, and I honestly couldn't even fathom the thought of being with anyone else (or worse yet, think of her with another guy).

This fucking sucks. I'm 33 years old, and I'm acting like a teenager. I would give up almost anything for a second chance, but I know there isn't anything I can do to affect the situation.

I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I suppose the anonymity of the Internet makes it easier to get this off of my chest.

Toughen up.

George Washington and Other founding fathers wouldn’t pine over
One girl.

I can guarantee you I’ve caused more heartbreak than you ever will and we just gotta deal with it.
 
I agree with lots of what you’re saying but common don’t bring men down to the level of primitive animals. We’ve evolved and have intellect and intelligence which renders us capable of resisting sexual temptation. Is every heterosexual man sexually attracted to some beautiful women who aren’t their spouse? Absolutely! Not acting on our urges and being disciplined is what makes us human not the opposite.
Well sure that wasn't really what I was trying to say. More that people act like our primal nature's don't factor into our relationships at all. For some reason. It's certainly possible to be respectful and faithful to a partner. I've never cheated or even let any type of serious friendship develop with another woman while I'm in a relationship. But that's a conscious decision you have to make.
 
That is very well said right there. That is probably the #1 thing people don't think about that they should.

The #2 thing that goes hand in had with this is determining what is valuable. And sadly, that varies woman to woman. And Man to man for that matter.

I think there are a lot of very well intentioned people out there trying to provide value. The problem is they are providing the things they think their partner should value. Which are not necessarily the things their partner actually values. This is where actually knowing your partner and what makes them tick comes in really handy. And this is where most frustration and resentment reside in relationships.

I see it all the time. A dude comes home from a hard day of work with flowers in his hand, to a home that is immaculately clean with dinner on the table. Yet some fucking how, some fucking way, these 2 people go to bed furious at each other.

And the reason is because the woman does not give a shit about the flowers. She would prefer he man to just come home without the flowers and muck straight in with the house chores. And the man probably does not care that the house could double as an operating room. He might rather have just your basic level of tidiness and a woman with enough energy at the end of the night to put a pillow on her knees and get to work in the bedroom or whatever. Just 2 everyday people trying to do right and failing because they don't know what the other one really values.
This is true and a byproduct of people not being honest with each other, and trying to be what they think the other person wants. And sometimes you just aren't compatible and you cannot tell while those hormones are raging.

A large part of the reason my marriage didn't work is I was never the type of guy that she really wanted.

But I was the dependable guy that would pay the bills and help her with her problems and support her. She liked having someone like that around, and that was the kind of person society and the people around her told her she SHOULD want.

But she didn't want that type of guy. Or I should say she didn't want the rest of my personality with all of that. The message I took from that was I wasn't good enough.

And while I do need to improve as a person and I'm working hard on doing so, I now realize I need a woman that wants the kind of person I already am. Not someone she feels she can mold into what she really wants.


Imo a lot of women say what they think sounds good instead of what they really want. That wreaks havoc on people like me that are very earnest and straightforward and don't know how to communicate any other way. I see it in a lot of friends relationships too. They refuse to speak in any other language but Woman, even though a lot of us are not capable of speaking it and don't want to learn. I've permanently lost interest in trying to figure out what a woman REALLY means when she says something. We're adults say what you mean like a grown person or I don't have the time and energy for you.
 
This is true and a byproduct of people not being honest with each other, and trying to be what they think the other person wants. And sometimes you just aren't compatible and you cannot tell while those hormones are raging.

A large part of the reason my marriage didn't work is I was never the type of guy that she really wanted.

But I was the dependable guy that would pay the bills and help her with her problems and support her. She liked having someone like that around, and that was the kind of person society and the people around her told her she SHOULD want.

But she didn't want that type of guy. Or I should say she didn't want the rest of my personality with all of that. The message I took from that was I wasn't good enough.

And while I do need to improve as a person and I'm working hard on doing so, I now realize I need a woman that wants the kind of person I already am. Not someone she feels she can mold into what she really wants.


Imo a lot of women say what they think sounds good instead of what they really want. That wreaks havoc on people like me that are very earnest and straightforward and don't know how to communicate any other way. I see it in a lot of friends relationships too. They refuse to speak in any other language but Woman, even though a lot of us are not capable of speaking it and don't want to learn. I've permanently lost interest in trying to figure out what a woman REALLY means when she says something. We're adults say what you mean like a grown person or I don't have the time and energy for you.
Huge thumbs up!

I hate that stupid shit. Which is why I am marrying someone sane and not like that at all.

The sorts of people who annoyed me are the ones who would be chit chatting once in September about possibly buying item X because they were mildly interested in it(usually randomly inserted into a conversation). You just nod through that shit and don't really file it as important in your mind because it is idle chitchat about something they might buy. Until Christmas rolls around and she gets in a Huff because you did "Listen to her when she is talking" and compute that she was dropping it as a hint months earlier for what she wanted in her stocking. Christmas is ruined! You just don't listen!

Fuck that noise.

Like you I have no patience for it. I used to tell them straight up. "Give me an Xmas list" and they usually huff and complain you should KNOW what they want for Xmas and coordinate with their mothers and sisters to make sure you don't double up. "If you listened, you would not need a list"

Again, glad I am marrying a sane one.

My Fiancee and I went to the stores together shopping for the kids and picked our own gifts lol. Her sister got all "WAH WAH that's not how Christmas works, you are supposed to listen to your partner 24/7 and make sure you surprise them by getting them what they have been talking about. " and my fiancee just said "Fuck that. You go waste time on that nonsense then. I got important shit to do and no time for that". Whenever we really want something we just go buy it anyways. No waiting for Xmas or any of that stupid shit.

Hearts!

Ill forgive that she drives like shit and occasionally scratches the car because she is sane in every other way. She knows I hate chick shows and flicks, so when she wants to watch one, she stays in the living room watching it while I watch Avengers or some-such downstairs. Actually usually she decides she wants to watch the Avengers or Krypton or another Marvel/DC show on netflix instead when she hears it and turns off her chick flicks. Then we just head outside to drink beer and wine with our neighbors while the kids all play in the yard. She hates mowing the lawn and Garbage(And I don't), I hate Laundry and dealing with all the notes for the kids teachers and making sure we have sunscreen and hats labeled for After school care(And she likes that stuff). We both clean.

It just works lol
 
Huge thumbs up!

I hate that stupid shit. Which is why I am marrying someone sane and not like that at all.

The sorts of people who annoyed me are the ones who would be chit chatting once in September about possibly buying item X because they were mildly interested in it(usually randomly inserted into a conversation). You just nod through that shit and don't really file it as important in your mind because it is idle chitchat about something they might buy. Until Christmas rolls around and she gets in a Huff because you did "Listen to her when she is talking" and compute that she was dropping it as a hint months earlier for what she wanted in her stocking. Christmas is ruined! You just don't listen!

Fuck that noise.

Like you I have no patience for it. I used to tell them straight up. "Give me an Xmas list" and they usually huff and complain you should KNOW what they want for Xmas and coordinate with their mothers and sisters to make sure you don't double up. "If you listened, you would not need a list"

Again, glad I am marrying a sane one.

My Fiancee and I went to the stores together shopping for the kids and picked our own gifts lol. Her sister got all "WAH WAH that's not how Christmas works, you are supposed to listen to your partner 24/7 and make sure you surprise them by getting them what they have been talking about. " and my fiancee just said "Fuck that. You go waste time on that nonsense then. I got important shit to do and no time for that". Whenever we really want something we just go buy it anyways. No waiting for Xmas or any of that stupid shit.

Hearts!

Ill forgive that she drives like shit and occasionally scratches the car because she is sane in every other way. She knows I hate chick shows and flicks, so when she wants to watch one, she stays in the living room watching it while I watch Avengers or some-such downstairs. Actually usually she decides she wants to watch the Avengers or Krypton or another Marvel/DC show on netflix instead when she hears it and turns off her chick flicks. Then we just head outside to drink beer and wine with our neighbors while the kids all play in the yard. She hates mowing the lawn and Garbage(And I don't), I hate Laundry and dealing with all the notes for the kids teachers and making sure we have sunscreen and hats labeled for After school care(And she likes that stuff). We both clean.

It just works lol
{<redford}

Sounds like you guys found a good balance, and that's the hardest part
 
I like you BP so don't take this as an attack. Have you considered getting off gear? Seems to be messing with your emotional state.
 
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