I regret moving out of my mom's house

[Don Quixote]

If your mother was alive today, she wouldnt want you to have feelings of regret or hold you back from living your life. She was probably lonely, but even in life I’m willing to bet she had those same feelings of letting you live your life. I think it’s a sacrifice most parents make in their lifetime.

 

[STRYDG]

I'm happy to see respectful posts.

Sad about what you had to say though. I'm not the best at it but I would recommend staying tight with your immediate family. Time just passes and you kinda forget.

 

[riitzni]

This is actually pretty much how it goes most of the time. I would say maybe only 5% of the kids stick close to their parents when they leave. I work in long term care and it is rare to see family stop in, let alone at a rate of more than one or two times a year. It is absolutely shitty, but it must be human nature.

I wouldn't say so. It's a cultural thing. I grew up around a lot of brown people and traditional families tended to live together, close by, same area. Three generations in the same house. It ain't no thang for grandma and grandpa to stay with the family until they died. Some places a family will buy up the block old school mafia style and that would just be their little island. Honestly, I think it's better that way. It's a little tribal for my tastes but as Americans we don't bat an eye at the kind of thing you're talking about. I think it's greatly detrimental for a lot of people that need support (in all kinds) to have a main goal of theirs to be to get their own place away from everyone they've known.

I'm a childfree person and a lot of the time we get the "B-b-b-but who will take care of you when you're old!?" line like you should have kids just so someone will wipe you later on in life. You however have a profession that exists because of this and a front row seat on how that just isn't the case.

And TS you don't have to crucify yourself with guilt. You weren't then nor have you ever been responsible for your mom's happiness, that's always been her task. You'll never be able to make it up to her, do things different - my grandfather passed in 2005 and though our relationship was rocky I still miss the bitter old bastard. It's just a hurt that won't ever go away. If you can use that as an impetus to be a better person then I think that's all she could ask for.

 

[Lovestorm]

I moved out of my mom's house in 2014. I bought my first home and I've been busy. It was just me and my mom for the longest time at her house. She never remarried. She didn't have any friends. She had noone to talk to but me.

She called often, but I rarely answered the phone. I was busy with my new home and all the random girls I hooked up with. My mom would leave me voicemail messages that sound like she was having a full conversation with me. She would tell me how her day went, ask me if I heard the news about so and so. I can tell now just how lonely she was.

She passed away last year. Didn't get to say goodbye. I wish I had stayed. I had no idea she was sick. I am at home by myself. I have friends to call and hang out with. My mom didn't have anyone. Even her piece of shit son turned her away.

I feel so broken and I think every single day how I can make it up to her. I'm flying straight. No more alcohol and hook ups for me. I'm going to settle with my current girl. My mom would have loved her.

Reading this made me feel sad for her. Glad i was always there for my Mum and by her side when she passed away.

 

[SpartanKhmy]

 

[Leonard Haid]

I moved out of my mom's house in 2014. I bought my first home and I've been busy. It was just me and my mom for the longest time at her house. She never remarried. She didn't have any friends. She had noone to talk to but me.

She called often, but I rarely answered the phone. I was busy with my new home and all the random girls I hooked up with. My mom would leave me voicemail messages that sound like she was having a full conversation with me. She would tell me how her day went, ask me if I heard the news about so and so. I can tell now just how lonely she was.

She passed away last year. Didn't get to say goodbye. I wish I had stayed. I had no idea she was sick. I am at home by myself. I have friends to call and hang out with. My mom didn't have anyone. Even her piece of shit son turned her away.

I feel so broken and I think every single day how I can make it up to her. I'm flying straight. No more alcohol and hook ups for me. I'm going to settle with my current girl. My mom would have loved her.

You can't make it up to her because she is no longer alive. The only way you can atone for your wrongdoings is to be a good person from now on to those who are alive.

 

[KONG-D'SNT-TAP]

I lived at home for a long time. It was awesome. My parents are really cool people.

My parents were divorced and we lived in a very big two family house.

I lived in one of the parts. I paid rent but much less than normal rent and my mom allowed me to save up all my money so I could start my business.

She’s a wonderful woman and I could never give her back what she gave me and my brother.

I’m sure you’re hurting TS but your mom also understood that you were living your own life and I’m certain she knew you loved her.

 

[bushman505]

Well that sucks, don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

 

[Anomonis]

That's rough dude. I hope you act well to honor her memory.

As for me, I've had problems with my mother, but now I get along well with her. She's a great woman, and I will miss her dearly when she is gone.

 

[Timetravel_0]

Tell us more about these random hookups

 

[Phlog]

That's a nice sentiment, yes you should have stayed, we all should if our families are functional. Families split up too readily in our western culture.

Economic reasons have screwed the pooch.

If one moves out it should be walking distance imo.

 

[Phlog]

This is actually pretty much how it goes most of the time. I would say maybe only 5% of the kids stick close to their parents when they leave. I work in long term care and it is rare to see family stop in, let alone at a rate of more than one or two times a year. It is absolutely shitty, but it must be human nature.

It's a result of industrialisation, people having to go where the work is as opposed having a family business. It will dissappear as centralised industry becomes a thing of the past.

 

[Mr Mojo Lane]

I don't see how you turned away from her just by moving out. I think she would want you to be happy

 

[Merlotte's]

Damn. Glad she had a positive affect on you. For that she has fulfilled her duty and you will yours.

 

[4daLuLZ]

I left home when I was 19 but didn’t miss my mom because she used to savagely beat me when I was a kid, like 5-11 years old cuz I looked like my dad who left her.

I’m pretty messed up as an adult but I hold it together okay. Sounds like your mom was a wonderful woman.

My mom is a cunt too. Like a massive one. But my dad was a motherfkin gem. Of course he had to die when I was 12.

So while I find it hard to relate to @Richmma80 because he wrote the word "mom", I found could I sympathize only when I substituted it with "dad" .........and then only I could feel his pain. That's fucked up , ain't it ?

 

[Philo-Publius]

I moved out of my mom's house in 2014. I bought my first home and I've been busy. It was just me and my mom for the longest time at her house. She never remarried. She didn't have any friends. She had noone to talk to but me.

She called often, but I rarely answered the phone. I was busy with my new home and all the random girls I hooked up with. My mom would leave me voicemail messages that sound like she was having a full conversation with me. She would tell me how her day went, ask me if I heard the news about so and so. I can tell now just how lonely she was.

She passed away last year. Didn't get to say goodbye. I wish I had stayed. I had no idea she was sick. I am at home by myself. I have friends to call and hang out with. My mom didn't have anyone. Even her piece of shit son turned her away.

I feel so broken and I think every single day how I can make it up to her. I'm flying straight. No more alcohol and hook ups for me. I'm going to settle with my current girl. My mom would have loved her.

Lots of people have similar stories. When your parents pass on, you tend to remember all the good things about them and not the bad things. It's a harsh reality to know that is someone you are just never going to talk to again in this lifetime, and that you didn't do everything you could for them while they were alive.

 

[lowlife]

I moved out of my mom's house in 2014. I bought my first home and I've been busy. It was just me and my mom for the longest time at her house. She never remarried. She didn't have any friends. She had noone to talk to but me.

She called often, but I rarely answered the phone. I was busy with my new home and all the random girls I hooked up with. My mom would leave me voicemail messages that sound like she was having a full conversation with me. She would tell me how her day went, ask me if I heard the news about so and so. I can tell now just how lonely she was.

She passed away last year. Didn't get to say goodbye. I wish I had stayed. I had no idea she was sick. I am at home by myself. I have friends to call and hang out with. My mom didn't have anyone. Even her piece of shit son turned her away.

I feel so broken and I think every single day how I can make it up to her. I'm flying straight. No more alcohol and hook ups for me. I'm going to settle with my current girl. My mom would have loved her.

Damn dude this post just crushed me, I have pretty much the exact same story. I miss my mom so fucking much, I would give anything I have on this Earth to talk to her just one more time..The guilt gets easier with time, but it's going on ten years now and I can still be brought all the way down if I really think about it. The only thing you can really do is try to honor her memory, and do your best to be a good person and live a life that would make her proud. Just be careful that you deal with your feelings, I went into a really dark place for a few years and shit got pretty bad before I turned it around. My mom was all I had in this world until I met my wife, and I completely took her for granted. Anybody that reads this, cherish your loved ones please, you don't want to live with this kind of regret, and tomorrow truly is not promised for anyone.

 

[DC23]

I have no idea how I'm going to handle this when / if the time comes.

 

[Mau]

I need to call my mom and dad more often.

 

[minute bull]

Don't let grief or regret drive you back to substance abuse. What your mom would have wanted is you to embrace your life now and to the fullest of your capability. Don't avoid what's happening now.

So while I find it hard to relate to @Richmma80 because he wrote the word "mom", I found could I sympathize only when I substituted it with "dad" .........and then only I could feel his pain. That's fucked up , ain't it ?

No. It's striving for empathy despite your own trauma.