I'm no longer allowed to give blood :(

I guess it all started in grade 7, I stuck myself in the hand with a compass:

th


The metal bit that sticks in the paper to draw a circle … all it did was draw a suspicious amount of blood out of a hand vein. I stuck myself good. My hand was soaked in blood and I wiped it on a piece of paper like this



I'm like "TEACHER!!!" … I started freaking out cause a lot of blood was coming out my hand and I gut the fuzzies. Things going dark. Like a dark cloud was trying to eat me. That feeling you get when you watch a DC movie. My teacher sucked and told me to go to the washroom and splash water all over myself and gave me a bandaid. It was weird.

------------------------

So 15 years ago or so I'm working at a grocery store as a produce clerk. I get to play with knives and fight vegetables. I was husking corn and someone was talking to me. Husking corn is when you use a knife to cut off the extra ends you never see in stores cause it's always cut off. I had a groove on and was husking so much corn and damn near cut my thumb off. I blead so hard and they gave me a special thumb bandaid they had - walked back to the produce station and remember telling a coworker I don't feel so good and need to sit down..... This time the dark cloud ate me.

I woke up in his arms all romantic like and it was so weird. I forgot everything that happened thinking I was still in bed. He sounded under water as he spoke to me and it became clear, ambient background noises started to repopulate into my ear holes. Black bubbles floated away and he came into full picture. It was so strange. He says he caught me or I would have broke my skull open on the cement back shop.. I owe the dude a life debt but the last thing I remember was yelling "I THINK I NEED TO SIT DOWN" and could have sworn I sat down on my own power. Apparently I just kind of fell over.

I was told I was saying weird things when the stretcher and 911 came. One guy asked me what happened when he saw me on a stretcher and apparently I'm quoted as saying "Nothing I'm just sitting on a hamburger" …. anyway doctors told me I have a fear of my own blood so whenever I bleed my heart rate goes up and I have a panic faint attack and I should watch out for that.

The rest of my career at the grocery store was annoying after that. People treating me like I'm handicapped or something. I was walking around the store looking at my hand cause I do what I want and the manager came over freaking out "DID YOU CUT YOURSELF AGAIN!!?!??" Fuck sakes. Also I got kicked out of the produce department and they made me do anther job before I quit. I also cut myself on a pomegranate tip but it didn't bleed as much

---------------------------------------------

Much later a friend drove me to the hospital to visit my dying neighbour. He couldn't pick me up and I had to find my own way home. This neighbour was a sweet old lady who gave me her cat. She was too far gone to be aware of my visit though :(

How am I going to get home?

I started a long walk and found myself at the blood donor clinic. I thought hey, I can get over my fear of my own blood and fear of needles at the same time! Back then they tested your iron by dropping a drop of your blood into a blue solution. Faster it sinks, better the iron. Mine sank like Danny DeVitto in a body of water so I was all set. Had to answer a questionnaire. Those questionnaires are weird:

Have you ever been in contact with a monkey?
Have you ever been to Tobago?
Have you ever fucked a monkey?
Have you ever shared cocaine needles?
Have you ever fucked a monkey in Tobago?
Have you ever fucked a man?
Has a man fucked you?

So strange. Also had to answer this question a few times "Are you giving blood under your own free will? … of course I am … ???? "Is anyone forcing you to give blood?"

What the fuck do people make others give blood at gun point?

And the last page was take this sticker and put it here if you want to give blood … or put it here if you're being forced into it and we'll pretend you're not eligible. WHAT THE FUCK

So they hooked me up and took the blood. I did it! I really did it! ,,,, aw shit going dark.... NURSE!!!!

They flipped my chair back so hard my shoes almost came off. Feet way up in the air. Then they threw piles of wet paper towel at me and shoved an apple juice down my throat.

After a bit I was fine to go. But damn … Got my ride home!!!! They paid for my taxi and gave me a bottle of Coke! (They no longer give Coke)


--------------------------------


My and my friend were uptown and I challenged him to a bet that I couldn't run up a reverse escalator in flip flops. He didn't want to take that bet but once a bet is made I never back down.

Ran up the stairs and at the top the faulty stairs tripped me and sliced my foot open. The escalator teeth got me. Started bleeding. Tried to walk it off "I'm fine" I'm fine"

My friend reads books for some reason and we went to a book store in the mall, I sat on the floor in the book store and he was really embarrassed. Whatever, no signs saying I can't sit here. Got worse. Went to a bench and passed out.

I woke up to a security guard checking on me and I played it off like "Yeah I'm good, just laying down in the mall, no worries"

Apparently I was white as a ghost.

My friend left me in the mall.

Also we're no longer friends.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally donated blood a second time. I got all psyched up. I can do this damn it! It was going well, I was feeling fine.

Then the nurse was like "Wow, you're blood is coming out so fast! You'll be done in no time!!

Fuck

I don't even look at the blood bag or want to think about what I'm actually doing. Don't talk about blood to me! Near fainted again, it rained wet paper towel over me. Took some cookies and went home.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So my work was doing a blood drive where if you donate they let you get off work. Woot woot. Went with a group of people.

Guess what

I DID IT!!! Didn't pass out at all! Felt fine.

But a coworker passed out so hard we were super late going back to work, just chatted and had a great time.

I really thought I finally and I mean finally got over my blood issues.

-------------------

Gave blood a fourth time. This time they put the needle in weird. I felt it the whole time. Didn't even fill the bag this time :(

Wet paper towel shower.

My record is now 1-3 for surviving blood donations.

-----------------------------------

5th donation went off without a hitch. This time my wife came along and we both donated. I was fine. Drank loads of water and made sure to eat a good meal too.

Feeling good.



-----------------------

Donation 6 is where it all went to hell. I had been out in the sun mowing the lawn and I have a decent amount of lawn, but I drank the fuck out of so much water. Ate good, feeling good. Been getting loads of sun and activity lately. Got a sexy tan.

I went to the blood store exactly 6 weeks after my last donation. The wife couldn't come cause women bleed too much and have to wait 8 weeks.

Passed all pre-screenings. Iron fine. Blood pressure fine. I didn't fuck a monkey.

Sat in the chair and played phone games like I did last time to distract myself.

… nurse couldn't find my vein. This NEVER happened. In fact they usually talk about how big and sexy my vein is which is not what I want to hear! Don't talk about blood or veins to me!

They damn near cut my arm off with a rope and then a blood pressure cuff to make my vanes jump out. And the nurse had a hard time choosing which vein to use and asked another nurse for help. … fuck

With no confidence the nurse was like "Well... guess we'll TRY this vein, I hope it doesn't ROLL"

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN.

Play on my phone play on my phone play on my phone.

Made it.

Walked away and got cookies and an apple juice.

Thought I was in the clear cause I have never made it off the table without being fine. Somehow the darkness came over me. I yelled at the elderly snack server - something is wrong!! Going black hard, harder than ever - so light headed sick to my stomach

All hell broke loose!!

An army of nurses aggressively attacked me as I sat in a regular chair. Said "PUT YOUR HEAD BETWEEN YOUR LEGS!!"

I'm like "I'm too fat for that"

And they started pushing me into a position I couldn't really get into "HEAD BETWEEN YOUR LEGS!!"

They put more icy water and paper towel on me than ever before, down my shirt and all over.

A muscular man also came over and they brought a wheel chair.

It took me a long time to come out of it this time and when I did the nurse was like "Don't ever come back here again"

Explained to me that with a 2-4 record of not passing out the risk to me isn't worth it. Thanks for the blood but fuck off.

I actually feel like shit over this. Donating blood was the only nice thing I do to not feel like an asshole.... they told me I'm banned for LIFE.

This might sound silly but I'm legit very upset over this. Banned for LIFE. I wanted to keep donating.

They give you bags of tiny cookies and mine exploded when I opened it and cookies rolled over the donation wing and I left them in a cookie mess too.

Well … that's my story.

Anyone else have problems with their own blood?

Ok I started at half way and finished. I sort of got the idea.

So if you want free cookies make a plea deal. Argue that it is within your constitutional rights to give blood and their inconvenience of taking care of you post-donation does not justify their refusal to accept your perfectly good blood. Therefore, if they want to maintain their refusal to take your blood, they must supply you with a box of President's Choice Chocolate Chunk cookies once a month for 5 years.

I as your legal advisor only require a 10% cut of the cookies plus a box upfront as a retainer.
 
Smoke some grass... maybe that'll give you some ideas for a decent story
<{pranko}>
 
I had no trouble with blood ever and had no trouble with needles until I was about 27. Then I would get weak any time I got a needle.

Then I had an 11mm kidney stone that totally blocked the tube from kidney to bladder and the pain was like 555 times what a normal kidney stone is.

I no longer have trouble with needles but, when they took out the stent, they sent in something that looked like a usb cable in through my dick, through the prostate, and to reach up and grab the stent...........then pull all that mess back out through dick.

Like 555 times worse than a catheter.
 
I had no trouble with blood ever and had no trouble with needles until I was about 27. Then I would get weak any time I got a needle.

Then I had an 11mm kidney stone that totally blocked the tube from kidney to bladder and the pain was like 555 times what a normal kidney stone is.

I no longer have trouble with needles but, when they took out the stent, they sent in something that looked like a usb cable in through my dick, through the prostate, and to reach up and grab the stent...........then pull all that mess back out through dick.

Like 555 times worse than a catheter.

I was in pain just reading that
 
there once was a lad named clippy
whose doctor was terribly lippy
he said "your foul smelling blood
has the texture of mud
so get out before I have to flip ye"

かつてクリピッと呼ばれる若者がいた
彼の医者はひどく嘘つきだった
彼は "あなたの汚れた血を吐き出す
泥の質感がある
私があなたを裏返す前に出て行け "


cool blood slowly drips
congeals and crusts in a cup
a biohazard

blood-clot1.jpg
 
Well, I read all that and all it says is that @Clippy is a giant pussy and panics at the sight of blood.
 
Heard that. I'm not allowed to donate plasma. Walked into a plasma center in Charlotte (a fairly big city), and they told me that I have the highest blood pressure they've ever seen. Begged me to go to the ER. I begged them to STFU and gimme my 60 bucks.
Get that under control or else eventually your kidneys will fry and then life will really suck
 
My teacher sucked and told me to go to the washroom and splash water all over myself and gave me a bandaid. It was weird.
i feel sorry for your teacher smh
 
Well, I read all that and all it says is that @Clippy is a giant pussy and panics at the sight of blood.

Seems that many people do. When they take my blood for testing the tech always tries to block my view. I like to watch it flow into the tubes. Needles never bothered me either, even when I was a kid. I let a couple of girls that I knew who were in the lab tech program practice on me. My brother was, and as far as I know, still is terrified of needles.

As for a penile catheter, I've had them inserted several times with no discomfort. Maybe I have more room than some Sherdoggers?
 
Seems that many people do. When they take my blood for testing the tech always tries to block my view. I like to watch it flow into the tubes. Needles never bothered me either, even when I was a kid. I let a couple of girls that I knew who were in the lab tech program practice on me. My brother was, and as far as I know, still is terrified of needles.

As for a penile catheter, I've had them inserted several times with no discomfort. Maybe I have more room than some Sherdoggers?
I'm the same way. I used to date a girl training to be a phlebotomist and would let her stick me. She couldn't ever get a vein and would claim she was going to quit. One day we had her trainer over and she couldn't get one either, apparently I have what they call rolling veins. They move/roll when the needle touches them.
 
I have heart disease, bud. I've gotten used to the fact that I probably won't see 40.

You think that now, but if and when you arrive 40, you’ll be wishing you’d taken care of things sooner.
 
You think that now, but if and when you arrive 40, you’ll be wishing you’d taken care of things sooner.
That would also be true at 80 or 90. Everyone on the verge of death wishes they'd done things differently. No, I already realize this and I'm still fine with it.
 
Donate sperm instead & create little Clippies.
 
That would also be true at 80 or 90. Everyone on the verge of death wishes they'd done things differently. No, I already realize this and I'm still fine with it.

I’m not on the verge of death. I just started living.

At 40, I should by all rights be dead. I deal with my heart vessels spasming every day and have several stents in place. I also have a host of other shit, like early onset glaucoma that wasn’t caught till late in the game and the vision in my right eye is Swiss cheese because of deformation of the eye and ensuing tissue damage, which means i have no depth perception left and really shouldn’t be allowed to drive. I also three forms (count ‘em!) of arthritis that started varying number of years ago. Then there’s the asthma that started not so long ago and my chronic conditions from birth. I swallow 16 different pills every day, four of which I can’t miss on a daily basis or I’ll just have a heart attack and die right that day. Then there are my psychiatric conditions, some of which I’ve had since I was a kid and some of which probably stem from multiple brain traumas throughout the years. I’m on four different meds for those, otherwise, I start losing my hold on reality and start to lose day to day functionality. Oh yeah, and cataracts and eczema and allergies of all sorts, etc etc. Almost all of which I would be much better if I’d sought treatment sooner instead of assuming I’d be dead by now. At the very least, I wouldn’t be in a constant state of a heart attack about to happen, I’d be able to move around without everything hurting, and my vision wouldn’t be so compromised.

Btw, I stick around mostly for the sex.
 
I’m not on the verge of death. I just started living.

At 40, I should by all rights be dead. I deal with my heart vessels spasming every day and have several stents in place. I also have a host of other shit, like early onset glaucoma that wasn’t caught till late in the game and the vision in my right eye is Swiss cheese because of deformation of the eye and ensuing tissue damage, which means i have no depth perception left and really shouldn’t be allowed to drive. I also three forms (count ‘em!) of arthritis that started varying number of years ago. Then there’s the asthma that started not so long ago and my chronic conditions from birth. I swallow 16 different pills every day, four of which I can’t miss on a daily basis or I’ll just have a heart attack and die right that day. Then there are my psychiatric conditions, some of which I’ve had since I was a kid and some of which probably stem from multiple brain traumas throughout the years. I’m on four different meds for those, otherwise, I start losing my hold on reality and start to lose day to day functionality. Oh yeah, and cataracts and eczema and allergies of all sorts, etc etc. Almost all of which I would be much better if I’d sought treatment sooner instead of assuming I’d be dead by now. At the very least, I wouldn’t be in a constant state of a heart attack about to happen, I’d be able to move around without everything hurting, and my vision wouldn’t be so compromised.

Btw, I stick around mostly for the sex.
Well, I'm glad to hear that you're happy and alive. Our philosophies are much different, but neither is wrong. Keep doing you, playgirl.
 
I guess it all started in grade 7, I stuck myself in the hand with a compass:

th


The metal bit that sticks in the paper to draw a circle … all it did was draw a suspicious amount of blood out of a hand vein. I stuck myself good. My hand was soaked in blood and I wiped it on a piece of paper like this



I'm like "TEACHER!!!" … I started freaking out cause a lot of blood was coming out my hand and I gut the fuzzies. Things going dark. Like a dark cloud was trying to eat me. That feeling you get when you watch a DC movie. My teacher sucked and told me to go to the washroom and splash water all over myself and gave me a bandaid. It was weird.

------------------------

So 15 years ago or so I'm working at a grocery store as a produce clerk. I get to play with knives and fight vegetables. I was husking corn and someone was talking to me. Husking corn is when you use a knife to cut off the extra ends you never see in stores cause it's always cut off. I had a groove on and was husking so much corn and damn near cut my thumb off. I blead so hard and they gave me a special thumb bandaid they had - walked back to the produce station and remember telling a coworker I don't feel so good and need to sit down..... This time the dark cloud ate me.

I woke up in his arms all romantic like and it was so weird. I forgot everything that happened thinking I was still in bed. He sounded under water as he spoke to me and it became clear, ambient background noises started to repopulate into my ear holes. Black bubbles floated away and he came into full picture. It was so strange. He says he caught me or I would have broke my skull open on the cement back shop.. I owe the dude a life debt but the last thing I remember was yelling "I THINK I NEED TO SIT DOWN" and could have sworn I sat down on my own power. Apparently I just kind of fell over.

I was told I was saying weird things when the stretcher and 911 came. One guy asked me what happened when he saw me on a stretcher and apparently I'm quoted as saying "Nothing I'm just sitting on a hamburger" …. anyway doctors told me I have a fear of my own blood so whenever I bleed my heart rate goes up and I have a panic faint attack and I should watch out for that.

The rest of my career at the grocery store was annoying after that. People treating me like I'm handicapped or something. I was walking around the store looking at my hand cause I do what I want and the manager came over freaking out "DID YOU CUT YOURSELF AGAIN!!?!??" Fuck sakes. Also I got kicked out of the produce department and they made me do anther job before I quit. I also cut myself on a pomegranate tip but it didn't bleed as much

---------------------------------------------

Much later a friend drove me to the hospital to visit my dying neighbour. He couldn't pick me up and I had to find my own way home. This neighbour was a sweet old lady who gave me her cat. She was too far gone to be aware of my visit though :(

How am I going to get home?

I started a long walk and found myself at the blood donor clinic. I thought hey, I can get over my fear of my own blood and fear of needles at the same time! Back then they tested your iron by dropping a drop of your blood into a blue solution. Faster it sinks, better the iron. Mine sank like Danny DeVitto in a body of water so I was all set. Had to answer a questionnaire. Those questionnaires are weird:

Have you ever been in contact with a monkey?
Have you ever been to Tobago?
Have you ever fucked a monkey?
Have you ever shared cocaine needles?
Have you ever fucked a monkey in Tobago?
Have you ever fucked a man?
Has a man fucked you?

So strange. Also had to answer this question a few times "Are you giving blood under your own free will? … of course I am … ???? "Is anyone forcing you to give blood?"

What the fuck do people make others give blood at gun point?

And the last page was take this sticker and put it here if you want to give blood … or put it here if you're being forced into it and we'll pretend you're not eligible. WHAT THE FUCK

So they hooked me up and took the blood. I did it! I really did it! ,,,, aw shit going dark.... NURSE!!!!

They flipped my chair back so hard my shoes almost came off. Feet way up in the air. Then they threw piles of wet paper towel at me and shoved an apple juice down my throat.

After a bit I was fine to go. But damn … Got my ride home!!!! They paid for my taxi and gave me a bottle of Coke! (They no longer give Coke)


--------------------------------


My and my friend were uptown and I challenged him to a bet that I couldn't run up a reverse escalator in flip flops. He didn't want to take that bet but once a bet is made I never back down.

Ran up the stairs and at the top the faulty stairs tripped me and sliced my foot open. The escalator teeth got me. Started bleeding. Tried to walk it off "I'm fine" I'm fine"

My friend reads books for some reason and we went to a book store in the mall, I sat on the floor in the book store and he was really embarrassed. Whatever, no signs saying I can't sit here. Got worse. Went to a bench and passed out.

I woke up to a security guard checking on me and I played it off like "Yeah I'm good, just laying down in the mall, no worries"

Apparently I was white as a ghost.

My friend left me in the mall.

Also we're no longer friends.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally donated blood a second time. I got all psyched up. I can do this damn it! It was going well, I was feeling fine.

Then the nurse was like "Wow, you're blood is coming out so fast! You'll be done in no time!!

Fuck

I don't even look at the blood bag or want to think about what I'm actually doing. Don't talk about blood to me! Near fainted again, it rained wet paper towel over me. Took some cookies and went home.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So my work was doing a blood drive where if you donate they let you get off work. Woot woot. Went with a group of people.

Guess what

I DID IT!!! Didn't pass out at all! Felt fine.

But a coworker passed out so hard we were super late going back to work, just chatted and had a great time.

I really thought I finally and I mean finally got over my blood issues.

-------------------

Gave blood a fourth time. This time they put the needle in weird. I felt it the whole time. Didn't even fill the bag this time :(

Wet paper towel shower.

My record is now 1-3 for surviving blood donations.

-----------------------------------

5th donation went off without a hitch. This time my wife came along and we both donated. I was fine. Drank loads of water and made sure to eat a good meal too.

Feeling good.



-----------------------

Donation 6 is where it all went to hell. I had been out in the sun mowing the lawn and I have a decent amount of lawn, but I drank the fuck out of so much water. Ate good, feeling good. Been getting loads of sun and activity lately. Got a sexy tan.

I went to the blood store exactly 6 weeks after my last donation. The wife couldn't come cause women bleed too much and have to wait 8 weeks.

Passed all pre-screenings. Iron fine. Blood pressure fine. I didn't fuck a monkey.

Sat in the chair and played phone games like I did last time to distract myself.

… nurse couldn't find my vein. This NEVER happened. In fact they usually talk about how big and sexy my vein is which is not what I want to hear! Don't talk about blood or veins to me!

They damn near cut my arm off with a rope and then a blood pressure cuff to make my vanes jump out. And the nurse had a hard time choosing which vein to use and asked another nurse for help. … fuck

With no confidence the nurse was like "Well... guess we'll TRY this vein, I hope it doesn't ROLL"

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN.

Play on my phone play on my phone play on my phone.

Made it.

Walked away and got cookies and an apple juice.

Thought I was in the clear cause I have never made it off the table without being fine. Somehow the darkness came over me. I yelled at the elderly snack server - something is wrong!! Going black hard, harder than ever - so light headed sick to my stomach

All hell broke loose!!

An army of nurses aggressively attacked me as I sat in a regular chair. Said "PUT YOUR HEAD BETWEEN YOUR LEGS!!"

I'm like "I'm too fat for that"

And they started pushing me into a position I couldn't really get into "HEAD BETWEEN YOUR LEGS!!"

They put more icy water and paper towel on me than ever before, down my shirt and all over.

A muscular man also came over and they brought a wheel chair.

It took me a long time to come out of it this time and when I did the nurse was like "Don't ever come back here again"

Explained to me that with a 2-4 record of not passing out the risk to me isn't worth it. Thanks for the blood but fuck off.

I actually feel like shit over this. Donating blood was the only nice thing I do to not feel like an asshole.... they told me I'm banned for LIFE.

This might sound silly but I'm legit very upset over this. Banned for LIFE. I wanted to keep donating.

They give you bags of tiny cookies and mine exploded when I opened it and cookies rolled over the donation wing and I left them in a cookie mess too.

Well … that's my story.

Anyone else have problems with their own blood?
This is basically the story of my time on sherdog, with various words substituted with other ones.

was just complaining about a bruise from my blood test and then I find this, wow what a tale! <Lmaoo>
 
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