Let's create the most awesome action film ever

And then we cast a hotlady for the love interest. Which bitch?
Morgan Fairchild?

It's 2018 so the love interest is just an excuse to cram another action legend into the film. I say Dolph Lundgren
 
It's 2018 so the love interest is just an excuse to cram another action legend into the film. I say Dolph Lundgren
Only as long as he shoots... say, twenty people, then boxes the last guy to death
 
You're about 30 years too late.

PeeweesBigAdven_184Pyxurz.jpg

This guy has the hair that all action heroes should inspire to have. Their hair is perfect even after riding a motorcycle without a helmet.
 
Has to have an irl badass like chuck liddel or teddy riner

I'm thinking have them both as former black ops mercs in a post apoc scenario both after the same love interest.

One Christiane cyborg santos

who of course would be an actual cyborg with a bionic varmit.

Liddel and riner battle it out across a burned out Miami the final battle being on Miami beach surrounded by chanting irradiated mutants

The winner gets one night in the bionic vaj afterwards he'll die due to penile implosion due to bionic kegals in cyborgs vaj

...yes I love thread topics such as this
 
It's 2018 so the love interest is just an excuse to cram another action legend into the film. I say Dolph Lundgren


So, who is the most underrated actor of all time? - It's Dolph Lundgren.
Why? Well, because of his spiky hair, his ice-cold demeanor and his big muscles.
All right, so we have our actor.
Now we need a really great role for him.
Oh, you know what I was thinking? Scientists are cool.
What if he's a scientist?
A muscular scientist.
I'm into that.
As long as we don't cover up that body with a lab coat, bro.
He's wearing, like, a hot mesh tank top.l like that.
Now does he, like, fight crime or something?
He fights crime, uh, with his brain and his brawn.
This is good.
All right.
Brains- Brawn Brawn- Muscles Oh! Dude! I just got a Shyamalan twist to put in this bad boy.
Lay it on me.
What if this scientist runs around on all fours?
Why would he run on all fours?
It's a science experiment with a dog that goes absolutely haywire.
Suddenly he wakes up with the ability to run around like a hound.
We're not making the lead of our big-budget action movie half dog!
No, not half dog. He's all dog.
Then why are we casting Dolph Lundgren? That will be the twist.
Dolph Lundgren will be the voice of this dog.
That's not a twist! That's a completely different movie about a talking-dog scientist with the voice of Dolph Lundgren!
You know what? Check this out.
What if it's a man with a few dog-like qualities, like, uh, heightened sense of smell?
We're not- There's no- or licking Whoa, whoa.
Wait a second.
A heightened sense of smell? What if he can smell crime? What if he smells crime? Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude! Yeah? What if he can smell a crime before it even happens? Holy shit, dude.
That's amazing.
Smells crime before it even happens! Yes, dude! We're getting somewhere.
What if his entire head is just one big nose? Write that down! I like that! He's one big nose on Dolph Lundgren's body.
Oh, shit! Ho! What? No.
No, no, no, no, no.
 
The Fifth Sense.
The sense of smell.
[Dramatic] Imagine a super ripped, super smart scientist in a mesh tank top named Dr. Dolph Lundgren.
No.
That's- That's not his name.
He's played by Dolph Lundgren, but that's not the character's name.
It could be the character's name.
A doctor played by Dolph Lundgren named Dolph Lundgren? Yeah! That's confusing, dude.
More confusing than making up an entirely new name for a person? That's gonna confuse people.
All right, all right, all right.
[Dramatic Voice] Imagine a super smart, ripped scientist played by Dolph Lundgren, who, after a terrible accident in his lab, blows off his nose! After reconstructive surgery, he soon realizes that he smells something that stinks [Recording Stops] This doctor smells crime? Possibly also runs around like a hound.
No! He doesn't run I'm just saying, don't rule it out.
It's possible- I didn't agree to that.
It's not in any of our notes.
He might run around like a hound.
What do you think? Okay, uh- All right.
First things first.
You guys gotta type some of this shit out and get organized, for Christ's sakes.
Get your shit together.
Come on.
I mean, that's ridiculous.
Now in terms of the story, uh, clearly it's brilliant.
It's amazing.
Great idea.
Brilliant idea.
Thank you.
But there is one critical element that's missing.
It needs a sexual punch-up.
We need to get a female lead character in there that Dolph can bang throughout the whole movie.
Yeah.
I kind of hate women though.
Oh.
I feel like they just slow action movies down too.
See, you're dead wrong on that.
You're dead wrong.
See, one of the problems with Shyamalan's movies is that they lack a certain eroticism.
What if we were to bring, uh, an incredibly hot but skeptical female lab partner into the mix? And then that way, whenever Dolph's not out busting heads because he's smelled crime, he's back at the lab performing outrageous sexual experiments on her supple, young body.
Now here's the twist.
And there is a twist.
We show it.
We show all of it.
Because what's the one major thing missing from all action movies these days, guys? Full penetration.
Guys, we're gonna show full penetration, and we're gonna show a lot of it.
[All Chuckling] I mean, we're talking, you know, graphic scenes of Dolph Lundgren really going to town on this hot, young lab tech from behind, 69, anal, vaginal, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl All the hits.
All the big ones.
All the good ones.
And then he smells crime again.
He's out busting heads.
Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration.
He smells crime.
Back to the lab, full penetration.
Crime, penetration, crime, full penetration, crime, penetration.
And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.
 
Kung Fury + Ash (Bruce Campbell)
 
And then his mentor Sean Connery as Captain John Patrick Mason along with Arnold/John Matrix, join forces with John Wick, Snake Plissken, and partial cyborg Rambo to take on the villain... Nicolas Cage as himself "going full ham mode of course" and his elite squad of assassins he bought back when he was buying dinosaur eggs and shit.
 
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