My 37 year old brother has no money.

Ok respect. But you probably know that you can’t help others solve terminal money problems with money. Probably better off having a secret college fund for your nieces / nephews and building that for 10 years.

Oh true. And I already do....I think sometimes I’m selfish in that I want them to do things with us that they can’t afford...dinner out, weekend getaways etc...so I just pay.
 
If he is struggling I'd help, if he is cruising I'd talk but not help.


For me, I guess it would depend on what kind of brother he was and what kind of person he is. Financial success is certainly one of the metrics we use to get the measure of someone. But it is only one metric, and it is far from the most important.

Kid he doesnt see is pretty damning.
 
If he is struggling I'd help, if he is cruising I'd talk but not help.

Kid he doesn't see is pretty damning.

Yep, not being involved with your kid is a huge black Mark.

If my brother that was struggling, regardless of whether it was legitimate hardship or just laziness, I would help him. If he asked. But I would not give him money in either case. Money is rarely actual help. I'd find out what the money was needed for, then decide whether to help with that.

I'd buy him groceries. I'd sit down with him and help him determine the lifestyle he can live with what he makes, and help him transition to that lifestyle. Help him move (not in with me-but somewhere he could afford, perhaps with a roommate). Help him sell shit. Help him find ways to make extra cash, whatever.
 
it sounds like your brother lacks motivation due to having no interests, and while it may sound bad, maybe having a child gives him extreme guilt about not being able to take care of him or her, and that has become a mental hindrance. i knew one guy who i'm no longer in contact with, who had a child in a different state, and whenever we'd go out drinking, he would inevitably tear up about having a child he doesn't see often, and how he feels he both screwed up his own life, and the life of his child.

Yeah. It was a trip. I asked him when he planned on going to see his son. He just shrugged his shoulders like he didn’t know.
 
I guess the bottom line is you can’t help anyone that doesn’t want to be helped.
 
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