principal: "kids who are bullied need to be less annoying"; cyber-bullying and digital self harm

Sounds like victim shaming to me or rather passing the buck to be lazy about enforcing proper behavior for his bullies at his school. I was never bullied but I defended plenty. Usually people were nerds or fat or ugly and didnt bother anyone. One guy was a little effeminate so they called him "jerry the fairy" was another category.

Part of my hesitation to go after bullying, is that in any group of male friends I have ever had, bullying was a basic social interaction.

The homo, and racial slurs. I mean God forbid, you were to wear the pink shirt your girl bought you, because she thought you would look nice in it. You might see a grown man cry by the time we were done roasting him.

Where is the line for normal mean humor, some may even call good natured (although I find that a bit of a stretch) and bullying?
 
Kids have been bullied since forever

It's kinda a tool for some, those that see it, and stop it. It's sad, but it builds compassion in folks that most likely will spread that mindset
 
ASShole, I am talking about in person bullying. Kids are literally trapped with their tormenters, and people like you give no cares. Getting beatings at school all the time, getting called names every hour of every day is not in any way a good thing. You want the victim to fight back? How in fuck is that going to work when the victim of physical abuse is almost always smaller and weaker then his tormentor? Here is a clue. IT wont.
Getting your homework ruined by bullies and nobody believing you is not good for your grades, contrary to what online tough guys claim.
 
Part of my hesitation to go after bullying, is that in any group of male friends I have ever had, bullying was a basic social interaction.

The homo, and racial slurs. I mean God forbid, you were to wear the pink shirt your girl bought you, because she thought you would look nice in it. You might see a grown man cry by the time we were done roasting him.

Where is the line for normal mean humor, some may even call good natured (although I find that a bit of a stretch) and bullying?
I wonder why anyone would ask questions like this, when the answer is either obvious or easily googleable. If it's amongst friends, it's obviously not bullying. Or at least, it's a different kind than when the social outcast is being psychologically tortured in a confined, unleavable area.
 
Of course bullied kids are annoying ; they're often "weird" or fat and have never developed any kind of social skills. Add in the "zero tolerance" policy for fighting and kids who aren't willing to get in trouble for breaking the rules are prime targets for bullying. As for the technology side that's a whole different animal... basically impossible to get away from it even if you're not actively engaged with it. Other kids are engaged with it and will give you shit the next day in school.

The only way for a bullied kid to be able to get through it is to fight. I was a fat ginger kid growing up with big ears and I started going bald at age 12. I also did TKD and American Kickboxing. So while I was training at a McDojo I still had striking skills, and especially kicking skills, which were unexpected. I laid out a few kids with a kick to the gut that they weren't expecting and it was the only way to stop the bullying. Of course I got in trouble for it... now a days I probably would have been expelled simply for defending myself. I had one particularly bad bully and this shit went on for an entire school year. I had contacted the Dean, the Principal, security guard... everything I could but they weren't interested in doing anything about it... likely thought I was annoying. Finally this piece of shit (I was 6th grade and he was 8th...MUCH bigger than me) was waiting for me at my house when I was walking home from school. I let him have right there in front of my house... dropped him with a straight punch to the chin, jumped on him, and beat his face into the asphalt. Next time I saw that piece of shit he crossed the road to get away from me.


The kids I noticed who got picked on in school, never bugged anyone, they kept to themselves or were shy/unforcefull. The principle is making it seem it is the victim's fault, that they did something to bring upon bullying, when there is no reason to assume that. Some kids/people are just assholes and like to pick on others. The people being picked on shouldn't be assumed to have brought it on themselves.


I agree it shouldn’t be assumed of them but I don’t think you can force kids to not bully other kids, it’s not a realistic goal. I think you can teach the bullied to recognize their breakdown in the equation and teach them ways to overcome that. But as JosephDredd pointed out above depending on how beaten down their mindset I acknowledge that can be potentially destructive.

And I guess I didn’t see much of the bullying that seems to be mainly alluded to in this thread, where some kid is just getting his lunch money stolen for nothing. The closest I saw was some kid run down an empty hallway to shove me one time as I walked to class. I squared up to him talked shit, he did nothing and his friends down the hallway apologized for him as I continued walking to class. I saw something like that...4? times in 4 years of high school.

What I saw that I though was more rampant and problematic was the ignoring of kids and leaving them out of social events and y’all don’t seem to think that’s a problem at all. I think there’s a disconnect on my view of bullying compared to most of you in here.

The major disconnect, from what I can see, is that you are looking at bullying as happening in a two way street and bullying, for most people immediately brings to mind a one way form of abuse. The word bullying naturally leads to images of students being assaulted, ridiculed, brought to tears, excluded from every social group, insulted and harassed for having unusual interests, having glasses and/or being too intellectual and not athletic enough, being overweight - and while encouraging weight loss in kids is great I'm for sure not gonna entertain any notion that bullying overweight kids is justified - being GLBTQ or a minority and/or immigrant or so on. Endless movies and sitcoms and dramas have reinforced this fairly rigidly.

The issue is that in actual schools bullying often just doesn't occur int he context of Jedis vs Evil Empire or Autobots vs Decepticons. Many times the kids who are bullied are also harassing other kids, picking fights, making the most inappropriate of jokes, being excessively obnoxious and just plain making others unhappy. Certainly, some kids who are being excluded from social groups fall into this category. And so frequently kids take the role of bullied as well as bullies. Particularly since modern culture defines any sort of words or actions that could upset others as bullying.

So the issue is how to go about correcting it in children. It is about compartmentalizing aspects of them, that may come across as disagreeable, and seeing what aspects can be controlled and which ones can't. For kids who have a low self image to begin with, it may need to entail placing it in the context of improving their quality of life. In theory, it's the right thing for kids to learn how to make their peers included no matter how unusual they seem. But kids really are at an age where they just don't think; you definitely don't want their quality of life to depend on other kids doing the right thing when it comes to including them. So in that context it can exponentially help to first put forth full effort into identifying all behaviors and actions that can be fixed and then learning to deal with kids who decide not to embrace you due to the deficiencies you can't fix. skaleton in one of his posts mentioned someone in their late 20s who was removed from a Dungeons and Dragons group; I would imagine that the kind of people who at that age would be in a DnD group would have all sorts of quirks and aspects of them that could be annoying. And so that guy, I imagine, had problems that went well beyond just annoying and into just toxic, full stop. It is vital to see for kids if such aspects of them exist and form a blueprint for fixing them before figuring out what to do about the unfixable parts.
 
OK, I'm combining two threads into one because they're both about children's inabilities to deal with hurt.






http://www.kptv.com/story/38000109/...deo-stating-bullied-kids-tend-to-annoy-people



I feel like this man is not actually interested in helping students as much as he wants to "tell it like it is".







https://www.npr.org/sections/health...hemselves?utm_medium=RSS&utm_campaign=science




(Digital self-harm article not quoted in full. Full article at link.)

Are children's lives only getting more difficult with technology? It seems to be the case in many different ways, from the new opportunities it offers people to hurt them to the way the sheer immersion in technology and porn rewires their brains.


I think that’s a weird and unhelpful way to put it but I do believe that much of the problem with bullying lies with those being bullied. Kids need to be taught how to navigate hostile confrontations - i.e how to dish it right back at their tormentors. It’s probab axiomatic that the annoying kids this principle is talking about do not have that skill set, however their annoyingness is the wrong thing to focus on.
 
I can't stand bulling... but it evolved as a behavior for a reason, kids that don't "fit in" need some pressure to try to fit in or they'll be a liability to society for the rest of their lives.

Bullying is not the answer, but you can't just remove it and not replace it with something.
 
I feel like this man is not actually interested in helping students as much as he wants to "tell it like it is".

"It is for this reason that Nelson Muntz of The Simpsons is so necessary to the small social group that surrounds Homer’s antihero son, Bart. Without Nelson, King of the Bullies, the school would soon be overrun by resentful, touchy Milhouses, narcissistic, intellectual Martin Princes, soft, chocolate-gorging German children, and infantile Ralph Wiggums. Muntz is a corrective, a tough, self-sufficient kid who uses his own capacity for contempt to decide what line of immature and pathetic behaviour simply cannot be crossed." - Jordan Peterson

professor_jordan_peterson_by_haltabsd-db6vb9i.png


nelson.jpg
 
Instead of trying so hard to tackle the “bullier” they should teach people on how to have the strength to deal with the BS and carry on. Less victim mentality and more strength, you will never eliminate bullying no matter how many billboard ads and commercials so help people deal with it better more of “stick and stones might break my bones but words will never hurt me”
 
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