Sherbros in recovery v2 - Time for a new life.

PAUonePUNCH said:
Had to put down my little man today. I'm going to miss the fuck out of that dog. Last time I lost a dog it sent me into a crazy downwards spiral but I think I have enough strength now to grow through the pain and not use.

On a positive note I got 9 months today and tomorrow is my Birthday.... I would gladly give both of those up though to get a young healthy Manu dog back though.

Now back to crying....
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That's tough man, sorry to hear about your loss. I'm glad that you've learned enough about yourself to realize that using isn't going to make the situation any better.

I had a similar experience a few years ago when we suddenly had to have my dog put down. I had been sober for a few months and when we lost him, first thing I did was grab a bottle of rum and start chugging. Took me a few years to get back to seeing what a huge mistake that was and how it didn't help me through the pain at all... really just turned me into a useless mess.

Again, sorry about your furry buddy.
 
Happy veterans day

Found this in another thread and thought it was cool to see a celebrity talking about the struggles with addiction.

[YT]yGLzpt3caHw[/YT]
 
Originally Posted by MSK1010 View Post
I'm here bro. I returned the car last night and she was none the wiser. My buddy in Cali does not use. He does drink occasionally. He knows what I'm going thru since he's one of the only people I can be completely honest with.
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Glad nothing came out of you getting that car in a moment of weakness. We all fuck up and its a real blessing when we can come away from it unscathed.

I would really suggest staying with your friend until you get back on your feet. Having a friend like that is an amazing thing. If he is willing to take you in do it immediately. Its important to have people on your side while going through the early hellacious struggles of recovery. We really do need help from others.

The most important thing for everyone to remember is that things DO get better. You just have to make sure to grow through that struggle and come out a new free person.
 
Hey everybody,

How's life? This thread has kind of died down for a while and just wanted to check in with everybody and see how they're doing.

Still holing strong here, about to hit 10 months sober on Thursday. Anyway, hope everybody is holding strong.
 
usmctanker242 said:
Anyway, feeling great and only 20 days away from an entire year sober.
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That's frikken awesome man!!!!
I remember you and I were both starting out at about the same time- glad to see you've stuck with it!

I on the other hand fell off a bench of times, but I ain't giving up yet! Longest I went was 2 months.
Now i'm going to meetings, online support groups, volunteering...plus, just overall my tolerance and recovery with booze is shit nowadays: in past years I just kinda figured I was drinking too much and "should" stop (while slamming tons of whiskey and tequila every night, while waking up feeling perfectly fine).

Now, a few glasses of pretty soft wine or even beer and I'd be fucked up and feeling like shit.
So it's not a "should" anymore, it's a must. I just cannot drink anything anymore.
I used to think I'd give up hard liquor and "drink beers on the weekend", but like I said I just can't even handle beer anymore. So it's rock bottom yo!

But yeah, I'mma resurrect my activity in this thread too!

usmctanker242, congrats man. I can't wait to be in your shoes.
 
Originally Posted by HUNTERMANIA View Post
Sorry I haven't been here for the people ITT as much as I should have been. I haven't even read some of the recent posts that much but it sounds like there is serious shit going down and PAUonePUNCH is in here doing God's work as usual.

Seriously people: PM me if you need to talk if you're feeling desperate or suicidal. I will check my PMs and I will respond to you if I'm awake.

I just haven't even been reading bc I'm dealing with my own shit. I'm getting through it, it's just taking a lot out of me. I'm powering through though. Although I have been using, but I'm less concerned about that. It's building into more of a problem slowly but surely, but it's still no where near the existential threat some of these other thoughts/problems are. So, I'm taking it as it is and just coping. Moving forward I'm gnnna need to regulate though, I know.




Thank you for helping people. We need you, lol. I'm glad you're doing well, man. Keep helping people, just keep doing it man. Sometimes you won't want to, but just do it anyways and you'll feel better every time. That's the best part of NA is simply the opportunity to help other addicts and be helped by other addicts. It's so important to get that understanding. Right now, well, and not even 'right now', I've been on my own in this journey for a long time now as far as the specifics of my difficulties, but I know we share many of the same mindsets and it helps just to feel supported no matter what the identification is.
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Glad to see you back. I was wondering where you went to. Glad you powering through your stuff. Sometimes thats all we can do.

It really is humbling to hear people say good things about me for the first time in my life. I honestly tear up when I read it. I went through so much self loathing and hatred that I had given up being anything but a piece of human garbage. I'm just glad I went through it and came out the other end if it means I can help someone out even in the smallest way. A clean life is a wonderful life full of new and amazing things. I'm glad I am here can give a little back.
 
Steadfast and strong over here. Just been crazy busy. Need to get my eating back to normal though. I was using food as a crutch when my dog died and its gotten a bit overboard. Thats easily enough to correct though.

Hope everyone else is staying strong.
 
kpoz12 said:
That's frikken awesome man!!!!
I remember you and I were both starting out at about the same time- glad to see you've stuck with it!

I on the other hand fell off a bench of times, but I ain't giving up yet! Longest I went was 2 months.
Now i'm going to meetings, online support groups, volunteering...plus, just overall my tolerance and recovery with booze is shit nowadays: in past years I just kinda figured I was drinking too much and "should" stop (while slamming tons of whiskey and tequila every night, while waking up feeling perfectly fine).

Now, a few glasses of pretty soft wine or even beer and I'd be fucked up and feeling like shit.
So it's not a "should" anymore, it's a must. I just cannot drink anything anymore.
I used to think I'd give up hard liquor and "drink beers on the weekend", but like I said I just can't even handle beer anymore. So it's rock bottom yo!

But yeah, I'mma resurrect my activity in this thread too!

usmctanker242, congrats man. I can't wait to be in your shoes.
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It took me many years "fighting" sobriety in the same manner about which you are speaking. I went months where I would only drink beer, no liquor, and somehow pretend like that was a step in the correct direction. It wasn't until last year that I really noticed the physical toll the alcohol was taking on my body and my personal life. My wife hated when I had days off because I would always drink... I wasn't abusive, but I would get really fucking weird and freak her out. I could feel my kidneys throbbing after a night of hard-boozing... it was just enough.

Good luck with moving forward man, once you've made the decision to sober up, it's not as difficult as lots of people make it sound. Meetings can be a good route and I hope it works out for you.
 
MarloStanfield
hopefully soon i will have the courage to post here i need to be honest with myself, its the first time ive read this thread and the respect i have for you guys is phenomenal
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We are here for you if you ever want to open up to us. No judgement, just love. This is truly the best thread on sherdog and imo the most important one. We would love for you to join in a new way of life and get some of this magic that happens with a clean and clear head. Also we got the best mod on sherdog keeping this thread on lock if anyone gets out of line.
 
ToxicShocker said:
Ill check in just to dump some stuff.

1) Wacked out chick who came into the AA club looking like death warmed over is still out there, still drinking. Her methhead son moved in and that downward spiral is getting tighter and and deeper.

2) Started volunteering at the club serving coffee and food. Get to help direct people to meetings and be the face they see when they first walk in. Hopefully I'll get the chance to help someone personally someday.

3) Broke up with my ex a few months back cause she was crazy-emotional, blamed me for all her problems, and was violent and abusive. I wanted to stay and take it but I snapped and walked away from a 2 year relationship because I knew she would never change. I take solace in the belief that while I woulda done anything to repair us, she isn't able to see her own actions and apologize when she crosses the line. She can't change if she won't admit there is a problem.

My sponsor told me to go to CODA and Al Anon to learn that "Other People" can be one of the things that I am poweless over.

4) I have fingernail clippings in my keyboard and it's causing stuck keys; I should buy a new keyboard.

5) Been using tinder and while I'm not getting as many likes as I'd like I must admit it's not a numbers game.

6) The one thing I know, but don't want to accept, is that if you aren't happy by yourself, you won't be happy by finding someone. At the root of it is that I am looking for someone to fix me, someone who will fill the void. I need to accept that I should be working on my self.

7) Hopefully god sends me some pussy. I'm hungry.

8) I joined a gym to put a little muscle on, and cause they have a pool. I found I sleep reaaaaaally deep after a little working out and swimming.

9) Went on a date with a milf/gilf. Didn't get any but it gave me some confidence for the next one at least.


I'll end with a suggestion to anyone whose get a little time but hasn't begun the steps. Only the first of the twelve steps is about alcohol, the rest are about finding peace with yourself, creating a better man, and putting insurance in the sober bank. I had to hit rock bottom drunk to stop drinking, and I had to hit rock bottom sober to be willing to work on myself. I wish I would have started sooner because it may have saved me some pain.
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This is minor compared to everything else, but if the clippings are still causing problems you can probably pop the keys off of your keyboard, vacuum the clippings, and put the keys back on. I don't recommend that for laptops though. If you have a laptop just open it up and pound on the back of it. You can probably shake them loose.
 
Word!

This year I have done about 4 separate months of complete sobriety.
After about 5 weeks or whatever I get to a point where I'm like, "welllllll, I can handle just a couple beers or a bit of wine, I've got this under control..." then I end up back at square one.

So I know that I can do it, it's just a matter of staying really vigilant, and just saying "NO" at all costs, especially once I start to get comfortable.
Comfort can equal complacency, and that's where I've burned myself in the past.

For me, it's not the first few weeks that are hard, it's a month or two months later that's the tempting part.

Another thing that really opened my eyes was while meditating I asked myself, "what's the best memory I have of drinking in the last month?" When I couldn't think of one, I extended it to 2 months, 3, 4...the last half-year...and really, all of my " super feel good, party happy memories" with drinking are from frikken 4 years ago!

So it's not like drinking is even fun for me anymore. Plus, my tolerance and recovery is shit, so, there's really zero reason to put that shit into my body anymore.


One really great ray of hope is that traditionally I've always accomplished big life-goals a year LATER than what I originally decided:
In 2006 I was stuck basically in the background of some other guy's band, doing what he wanted; and I made up my mind to "take charge of my own destiny" and that by the end of '06 I was "GOING TO WRITE AND RECORD MY OWN ALBUM!"
I failed pretty miserably, but by the end of 2007 it was done and I had a new touring band, doing what I wanted to do.

And then 2007 was when I was gonna join Jiu Jitsu: I was all stoked, and looking at Gis online, watching videos...and then, nothing; I just didn't do it.
But, 2008, I manned up, jumped in head first, never missed a single class, and boom, all these years later I'm teaching the class!

So, January of this year was when I first declared that I would get sober...11 months later, the time is now!
 
I'm so glad we have a thread like this here. Thanks for keeping it alive Pau.

So I'm starting all over from scratch today. I'll keep you guys posted. This next week is always the hardest for me.
 
PAUonePUNCH said:
Steadfast and strong over here. Just been crazy busy. Need to get my eating back to normal though. I was using food as a crutch when my dog died and its gotten a bit overboard. Thats easily enough to correct though.

Hope everyone else is staying strong.
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Glad to hear you didn't get back to your addiction due to the loss of your dog. It's tough man, but it does get easier every day. Good luck with getting your eating back on track too man!
 
You beat me to the "PUNCH" in starting the new thread!!!!

But yeah, let's make this one even better, check in often everyone!!!

Like I said before, we've never met, but we are NOT just random names on a message board; we are brothers in this thread.
If you feel like you don't have anyone, you DO have us, here. '
We care because we see ourselves in each other.
Your struggle, your doubts, your fears, your weakness, your strength, are my struggles, doubts, fears, etc.

Let's make this thread a testament, a monument to the power of community and brotherhood.
 
usmctanker242 said:
Glad to hear you didn't get back to your addiction due to the loss of your dog. It's tough man, but it does get easier every day. Good luck with getting your eating back on track too man!
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I somehow kinda blanked out for the first week after his death. I really cant tell you anything about it other than I cried a load. There was no reason to use over it although I did get a real urge once. The urge was strong but I just picked up the phone and talked about it instead of using. Glad that was the only time those feeling came back.

The eating is slowly getting back to semi normal but not the soda consumption. Im up to almost 3 liters a day :eek: I can feel all the sodium really starting to screw with me. Time to do the carbon water switch to ease the transition back to little to no soda.
 
i have not had a drink since May 10th. before that one drink i went about a month without one. i did not drink daily, but would get shitfaced probably twice a week. binge drinking ftl. the lack of social life is a odd, but not as odd as the people who still try to get you to drink! i feel fantastic and have no desire to get off the wagon. good luck to everyone itt.
 
10 months sober a few days ago on the 1st. I'm steadily rocking my way towards the ever-elusive year of sobriety. I'm feeling great and wouldn't have it any other way.
 
333 days sober today.

Like PAU said, life just gets busy when you get some clean time, but it's busy in a good way. I love it. Everything is much easier sober, I like being able to handle whatever comes my way with a clear head, the good and the bad.



I hope everyone is staying strong!
Be careful out there my friends
 
kpoz12 said:
You beat me to the "PUNCH" in starting the new thread!!!!

But yeah, let's make this one even better, check in often everyone!!!

Like I said before, we've never met, but we are NOT just random names on a message board; we are brothers in this thread.
If you feel like you don't have anyone, you DO have us, here. '
We care because we see ourselves in each other.
Your struggle, your doubts, your fears, your weakness, your strength, are my struggles, doubts, fears, etc.

Let's make this thread a testament, a monument to the power of community and brotherhood.
Click to expand...

lol

I was replying to a post and by the time I was done I got the "this thread is locked" prompt after hitting submit.




***Also like kpoz12 said, if you feel alone just remember you have us here. One of us is usually on so hopefully you wont have to wait too long for a reply if you need some help or just need someone to talk to. Also feel free to PM any of us any time if you dont want to put it all out there for everyone to see.***
 
Do you guys think there is such a a thing as
a succesfully functioning drugs user ?

And is it just some people who can't handle it or
will the drug take over in every case, after a while ?
 
Still sober here. I went to the AA pool tourney on Friday and ran into a girl that does meth and inhales duster. I remember she got sober after having a baby and got married a few years back. She said she started doing everything again and it felt good to try and get her to come back to NA meetings.

She wasn't there at a meeting, she was stopped on her bike outside the unmarked hall waiting for someone. It turned out to be a huge coincidence. I told her there was an NA meeting (tonight at 7). Hopefully she sees the writing on the wall and goes.
 
thebluerider said:
i have not had a drink since May 10th. before that one drink i went about a month without one. i did not drink daily, but would get shitfaced probably twice a week. binge drinking ftl. the lack of social life is a odd, but not as odd as the people who still try to get you to drink! i feel fantastic and have no desire to get off the wagon. good luck to everyone itt.
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Well done man. Things keep getting better the longer you stay at it. The not feeling hungover and shitty is just the start of things!
 
One of my best friends and greatest mentors is on his deathbed as of today. He has been fighting an aggressive form of cancer and lost a part of his leg already, and then it attacked his stomach. After a few surgeries and chemo/experimental treatments he has been told there's not much time left.

I vomited when I heard the news and haven't wanted a drink so bad in my entire life. I know it won't solve anything so I'm not going to drink, but fuck... first thought I had after puking was to hit the booze shop and get a gallon of rum.
 
I got 21 months tomorrow. Been lifting like crazy the last 3 months to help put more buffers in my life. Feel good man.
 
it's nice that i can go commando in the summer and not worry about skid marks
 
Went to my buddies house a few nights ago to award him with a "shadow box" in an impromptu USMC retirement ceremony. He's in a very bad way; lost probably 50lbs since the last time I saw him, on crutches, and can barely speak. It was rough and when he finally got enough energy to make a short speech... well, lots of onions being cut in the whole house. When the wives and other guests broke out the beers/liquor it was hard to say no.... I did, but it was difficult.

Anyway, about to hit 11 months here on the 1st. I'm going to go ahead and forego Halloween this year as I was always drunk when passing out candy... might just leave a bowl outside the door and do some housework or something to keep my mind occupied.

How is everybody doing? This thread has really died down... the "holiday season" of November/December/early January is usually the most difficult time for people in recovery. Hope everybody is doing OK, even if they have chosen to walk out the door.
 
Awesome to hear from you guys! Congrats on such long term success!
 
I've been wanting to go on the wagon for awhile now. The most I lasted was over New Years and made it 26 days...

I've tried quitting drinking numerous times now but can never fully submerse myself in the new lifestyle.

Any tips people can give myself?

Last night was Canada Day so naturally I went out downtown and got completely hammered. Had a great time but now I'm stuck in bed almost noon nursing a hangover. I don't want my social life to drastically change now that I can't drink... If I'm on the wagon...
 
Checking in,

Since my horrible breakup with my BPD ex gf 5 months ago I've been going through alot of ups and downs. She lives across the street from me so when I finally ran into her new (3months) boyfriend it really fucked up my head. I'm trying to learn as much as I can about what people with BPD girlfriends have gone through so that I can forgive myself for breaking up with her. I really do miss her, but she was driving me quite literally crazy. She and her whole family are supposed to be moving this week so, I hope it will be easier to go about my life knowing she's not getting railed 100 feet away from me.

I started volunteering 1 4hr day a week at my local AA club. Took a coffee commitment. Got nominated for the non-profits' board of directors, and last night got made the Vice President. Weird turn of events that I did not foresee coming.

I started building furniture again, (Thread forthcoming upon loss of dubs). I've gotten one piece done that I am really really happy with. I waiting for a reply from the CA State Bureau of Real Estate so I can take the license exam. Got a broker lined up and I've been going in for training twice a week.

No income coming in but I hope I can make the real estate thing work...

Through all the crazyness that has happened over the last year I haven't wanted to drink. There have been times that the pain was so strong, that the negative cycle of thinking was so bad, that I knew a regular person would have a drink to calm their nerves.

Fortunately I know that taking a drink isn't an option for me. If I drink I will only go downhill. I've been praying to receive faith so that I can complete step two. I've been praying often, and other than one weird minor occurrence I can say it is only contributing to a psychic shift of accepting my own powerlessness. But I am willing to believe it could bring about a greater change.
 
i used to go out a lot, but i've been a hermit for the last several months. i don't think you can put yourself in that environment and expect to quit. the reality for me is it's lame to go out and not drink. i've met friends after work once for a bit, it was fine for a little over an hour and then i bounced. i just felt awkward, and i think it's a bit awkward for them as well.
 
Good job on the sobriety fellas. Halloween is a tough one to avoid going out and having a good time especially when you're single. I booked my midterms for this weekend so studying will keep my mind off the holiday. Just recently passed 20 months.
 
Some really good updates in this last posts. Really good to hear everybody is keeping themselves on track. It's a bit early, but here's to getting through Thanksgiving with the families without boozing it up! haha
 
Hey everyone, I hope your staying strong and remember not to lie to yourself or tell yourself just one more time.

I've been doing good on staying clean, but I decided to go to California to stay with my mother and father while he has brain surgery. Problem with that is I havent been here since I got clean, my addiction started here, they have a huge amount of my drug of choice in house and all my old friends still dabble in it. I attended an NA meeting out here just to get some things off my mind, but it's going to be rough. It's a real shitty small town in California called cal city, nothing to do and since my contract for work is up until August I'm going to be bored, which is a big thing for me when it comes to getting clean.

Anyway, just wanted to share a bit and to those who are going through it really rough, it will get better.
 
Not surprised the thread died down honestly. The longer you stay clean, the more stuff comes up and the busier you get. Also its the sad truth but recovery isn't for everyone. There's a reason why addiction kills off so many people. Imo recovery is the hardest thing you can do but after your head clears and your life starts to resemble something considered normal, you realize there is no other way to live.

Glad to see a few of us are still going strong. Hang tight my brothers. Life is grand now isn't it. Im having a blast.
 
i've found video games and books to be the best distractions. if you can find a sober chick that's good as well.
 
So November 10th today... the 240th birthday of the United States Marine Corps. This is my first time, since I've been 18 years old, that I haven't at least consumed a bit of alcohol on this day. I was deployed 3 years where we were given 2 beers and a shot of rum, but the rest of the years (even after I got out of the Corps) I've gotten FUBAR'd on this day.

It feels good to know that I can have these kinds of days come up and not really worry about getting drunk. I bought a 6 pack of Coke (bottles) to "celebrate" in a much more down to Earth fashion.

Anyway, feeling great and only 20 days away from an entire year sober.
 
Thanksgiving is actually much easier of a holiday without any sort of substances. No fighting, acting like an idiot or politic talk. I had a great day.

We're all on that year cusp in here. We can make it fellas!
 
thebluerider said:
i've found video games and books to be the best distractions. if you can find a sober chick that's good as well.
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Internet speed is 1.5mb which made things hard for gaming. I know I'll be fine, but talking to those who know the struggle helps.
 
Joe_Armstrong said:
Do you guys think there is such a a thing as
a succesfully functioning drugs user ?

And is it just some people who can't handle it or
will the drug take over in every case, after a while ?
Click to expand...

Depends on why someone is using a drug, also the time span.

If you use it to kill the pain that is caused by lack of connection (as recent research suggest is exactly what many forms of drugabuse is) then I would say no. I would rather call that "abuse" and not "use".

If weed helps you with your focus which in turn helps you keep a job. Well... Is that abuse or is it use?

And by extention, if heroin would do the same to you? What is that.
 
So I'm officially 1 year sober! It's a very solemn occasion for me, but I'm very happy I was able to get this far into my new life and I'm excited to see what the future holds. I've really spent a lot of my mental focus over the last year of recognizing the "triggers" and reasons of why I used to want to drink. Rather than avoiding those I've met each head on and each time I've walked away feeling much better and much more in control.

Time for me to re-focus on my physical training as I've pretty much let myself go over the last few years. Between sitting on my ass in school for 12 hours a day and playing video games I've put on quite a bit of weight. Now that I'm not tunneling sugar water (booze) down my throat at the cyclic rate it shouldn't be hard to get back into shape.

Thanks to everybody in this thread and congrats on those people who have been able to make the life-long changes. One of the things I struggled with the most was that after doing everything drunk (ie golf, bowling, baseball, watching moves, playing games, etc) it was hard to let my brain realize that I don't have to be drunk to enjoy those activities. Slowly but surely I've participated in all of those activities and I'm much better in each and every one of them for being sober. Once my brain processed that realization it was so much easier and joyful to carry on being sober. I am now content with being sober, and I'm no longer questioning whether or not it's the proper lifestyle for me.
 
Canuck said:
I've been wanting to go on the wagon for awhile now. The most I lasted was over New Years and made it 26 days...

I've tried quitting drinking numerous times now but can never fully submerse myself in the new lifestyle.

Any tips people can give myself?

Last night was Canada Day so naturally I went out downtown and got completely hammered. Had a great time but now I'm stuck in bed almost noon nursing a hangover. I don't want my social life to drastically change now that I can't drink... If I'm on the wagon...
Click to expand...

The big thing at first it to change people, places and things. Stop hanging out with the people you drank with. Stop going out to places you drank at. Start exploring new things to challenge yourself so you can stay distracted and not think about drinking. Its brutal at first but it becomes easier everyday. Also if your "friends" don't want to hang out with you or wont support you when you don't drink with them then they weren't your friends anyways.

It really is a all or nothing approach but that's really the only way that works if you truly want to change. A person with an addiction problem cant do things in moderation so that's a no go for most of us.
 
SiCnEsS said:
Internet speed is 1.5mb which made things hard for gaming. I know I'll be fine, but talking to those who know the struggle helps.
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Hop on that single player. Its the only way I game honestly. Hate the online stuff. Only time I enjoyed it is when I was tore up.
 
usmctanker242 said:
So I'm officially 1 year sober! It's a very solemn occasion for me, but I'm very happy I was able to get this far into my new life and I'm excited to see what the future holds. I've really spent a lot of my mental focus over the last year of recognizing the "triggers" and reasons of why I used to want to drink. Rather than avoiding those I've met each head on and each time I've walked away feeling much better and much more in control.

Time for me to re-focus on my physical training as I've pretty much let myself go over the last few years. Between sitting on my ass in school for 12 hours a day and playing video games I've put on quite a bit of weight. Now that I'm not tunneling sugar water (booze) down my throat at the cyclic rate it shouldn't be hard to get back into shape.

Thanks to everybody in this thread and congrats on those people who have been able to make the life-long changes. One of the things I struggled with the most was that after doing everything drunk (ie golf, bowling, baseball, watching moves, playing games, etc) it was hard to let my brain realize that I don't have to be drunk to enjoy those activities. Slowly but surely I've participated in all of those activities and I'm much better in each and every one of them for being sober. Once my brain processed that realization it was so much easier and joyful to carry on being sober. I am now content with being sober, and I'm no longer questioning whether or not it's the proper lifestyle for me.
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giphy.gif


I'm really happy for you man. A entire year without using substances is a miracle. "Normal" people don't even go that long. Life is amazing when you are actually there to experience it. Its also strange how those thing we thought we need to be fucked up to enjoy are actually even more fun when we're clean. Cant wait for you to hit that 2 year mark.
 
Congrats tanker, thats awesome. Keep going brother

Hope everyone is doing well
 
I'm back. I've been making it through the last few months but barely. Barley. That's what they make beer out of, right?
 
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