Starting to think I don't have social anxiety, I just choose to not socialize

[Mike]

Yeah girls are an issue for me. Not much that I fear them, just lazy. My biggest fear when I don't socialize is missing out on getting laid. When i decide to talk to a girl, I can run game pretty good (for being a solid 7) but its just too much work

Since my divorce, I've spent such a long time alone, that I'm like the male version of the crazy cat lady now. I sort of want a girlfriend, and sort of don't.

Although I've come to actually enjoy solitude, even I have limits. At the same time, I know the reality of being in a relationship doesn't match what I actually want at all. Hard to imagine wanting to deal with all the games, bullshit, entitlement, and drama women bring. Not after this much time not dealing with that bullshit.

 

[koolinkunming]

Word. Ive had people betray me, and especially I see how fake some people are. Not everyone, maybe I was naive, but ive heard people say things about me and think "he literally was hugging my nuts when we talked in person". The snakeishness bothers me.

When I do get close to people, they're usually either really disappointing or really boring. Which drives me all the more towards being alone, because that makes me feel like an asshole. These days I find most of the time when I do engage in conversation with someone irl, within 2-3 minutes they say something that seems profoundly stupid to me, and I just sort of get quiet because I can't think of non rude things to say anymore.

I find people just say a whole lot of nothing, and too much of it all the time. Cutting each other down as a joke, yapping about insignificant crap, etc. Idk, I just don’t bother getting into it. I’m usually the guy just listening to the idiots lol.

However, one on one I don’t mind talking to people, cause it just seems more real to me. But after a while for one reason or another I just get disinterested or something and would rather just spend time with my wife or by myself when she’s working and I’m not on the weekends.

 

[revoltub]

Since my divorce, I've spent such a long time alone, that I'm like the male version of the crazy cat lady now. I sort of want a girlfriend, and sort of don't.

Although I've come to actually enjoy solitude, even I have limits. At the same time, I know the reality of being in a relationship doesn't match what I actually want at all. Hard to imagine wanting to deal with all the games, bullshit, entitlement, and drama women bring. Not after this much time not dealing with that bullshit.

Yeah some people think the good outweighs the bad.

In my experience, the bullshit you deal with when relationships go stale has never been worth the good times for me. I rather enjoy laid back relationships without the drama

 

[Mike]

I find people just say a whole lot of nothing, and too much of it all the time. Cutting each other down as a joke, yapping about insignificant crap, etc. Idk, I just don’t bother getting into it. I’m usually the guy just listening to the idiots lol.

However, one on one I don’t mind talking to people, cause it just seems more real to me. But after a while for one reason or another I just get disinterested or something and would rather just spend time with my wife or by myself when she’s working and I’m not on the weekends.

I have one long time friend I still enjoy talking to. And that's easy because we like literally all of the same things, and can easily go from one topic to another and have genuine interest. A lot of people want to talk about politics or world events. I don't wanna talk about that stuff to begin with, then their opinions are often stupid. IMO. I'm severely lacking in the intellectual stimulation department, and have been for some time now.


Probably makes me sound like an egotistical asshole, but I'm really not. A lot of people are just so boring and stupid and one dimensional. I dunno I don't think it's healthy, being alone so much, but it's not like this is what I intended. My social life went off the rails some time ago, and it's been drifting further off ever since. Going back to school for a bit was nice. Talking to young, smart people with passion and goals. Made me realize I hadn't really been around people like that in a long time. I've mentioned before I live in a shitty area with mostly shitty and incredibly stupid people. Moving soon, so I'm hoping once I get settled in I can force myself to get out there more. Sherdog has been the vast majority of my social interaction for longer than I really want to think about.

 

[Grassshoppa]

I've mentioned before I live in a shitty area with mostly shitty and incredibly stupid people. Moving soon, so I'm hoping once I get settled in I can force myself to get out there more. Sherdog has been the vast majority of my social interaction for longer than I really want to think about.

I think there's a dude on here that has a house for rent. There might not be any AC. Possibly a very sweaty cat.

 

[Mike]

Yeah some people think the good outweighs the bad.

In my experience, the bullshit you deal with when relationships go stale has never been worth the good times for me. I rather enjoy laid back relationships without the drama

Yeah I hate sounding like the jaded divorced guy, but that shit really had an effect on me. It's like I put the last of my hope for normal social interaction into that relationship. When it imploded, I sort of just resumed giving up on people. Thought it would be a phase at first, then I just.... stayed like this. I'm not mad at her anymore, or sad about it anymore. I'm just tired of people letting me down and being a huge disappointment. From friends to romantic relationships, to family.


It just doesn't feel worth the effort anymore. Sometimes I'll look through my phone and think hmm, haven't talked to ____ in forever. I should call them. Nah, fuck it. If they wanted to talk I've had the same phone number for a decade. People drift away when you're out of sight. And I just let them. It's easier than holding onto people that only care because they feel like they have to, or only show up when bad things happen. Or keep in touch because they've known you a long time, but you're both living in different places doing different things now. Realistically I don't know any of those people anymore. And honestly, if either party had cared that much about staying in touch.... we would have.

 

[Mike]

Thinking about it, when you're introverted as fuck it only takes a few small steps. When I was younger, I only met people through work. That worked out fine back then, didn't have a hard time making friends or meeting girls. But then I reached a point where for several jobs in a row, I either didn't like the people I worked with, or we weren't compatible enough to be friends. And I moved several times for various reasons. Then after the divorce I went into asshole hermit mode for a few years, then moved again.

That's all it really took. Breaking all my old social connections without making new ones. I'm not the kind of person who can strike up conversation with strangers and make friends that way. Even if I go to a bar or something alone, I'm just going to sit in the corner and drink alone. Really it was always meeting friends that were extroverts that allowed me to have a social circle. Not only did I not pick up my own social skills during that time, I got even more antisocial.

I feel like it's becoming more common for people to be like I am now. With the internet you can find all kinds of interaction without ever leaving your house or your comfort zone. Not sure that's a good thing in the long run, but who knows.

 

[Phlog]

Internet messege boards are a lightning rod for those who are above average intelligence and introverted.

Is normal.

 

[BEER]

Skipped everything but the title.

TS: I deal with pretty bad anxiety. Social anxiety as well. After long periods of being withdrawn, I have the same idea. "Maybe I don't have anxiety, maybe slight discomfort made me irrationally afraid of being in public".

But it turns out, that is social anxiety.

 

[Phlog]

Yeah I hate sounding like the jaded divorced guy, but that shit really had an effect on me. It's like I put the last of my hope for normal social interaction into that relationship. When it imploded, I sort of just resumed giving up on people. Thought it would be a phase at first, then I just.... stayed like this. I'm not mad at her anymore, or sad about it anymore. I'm just tired of people letting me down and being a huge disappointment. From friends to romantic relationships, to family.


It just doesn't feel worth the effort anymore. Sometimes I'll look through my phone and think hmm, haven't talked to ____ in forever. I should call them. Nah, fuck it. If they wanted to talk I've had the same phone number for a decade. People drift away when you're out of sight. And I just let them. It's easier than holding onto people that only care because they feel like they have to, or only show up when bad things happen. Or keep in touch because they've known you a long time, but you're both living in different places doing different things now. Realistically I don't know any of those people anymore. And honestly, if either party had cared that much about staying in touch.... we would have.

I think it's pretty normal to reduce friends as it goes, they take effort. I decided a long time ago to drop those who didn't reach out occasionally and now I've got maybe 6 friends that I see very infrequently. Only 1 I see on the reg because we work and work out together.

I have a lot of acquaintances because I do highly social things like football and doorwork, I think my Facebook friends is like 600+, but most of those we wouldn't ever hang out.

It's not easy to find those that share similar out looks, are interesting and care a bit which is why I value this I guess. Every so often there's someone who I appreciate and when it's just words, just their thoughts, it's more valuable than a meeting IRL. Of course we're all introverted and only online so that's usually as far as it goes but it means a lot to me.

 

[Mike]

Internet messege boards are a lightning rod for those who are above average intelligence and introverted.

Is normal.

It's really kind of true. I've found a lot of kindred spirits on here, since I started actively participating. There are a lot of people here I would consider friends, that share similar interests and seem to think like I do. If some of them lived closer, I'd offer to hang out.

 

[Mike]

Skipped everything but the title.

TS: I deal with pretty bad anxiety. Social anxiety as well. After long periods of being withdrawn, I have the same idea. "Maybe I don't have anxiety, maybe slight discomfort made me irrationally afraid of being in public".

But it turns out, that is social anxiety.

Spoiler alert: That's sort of the direction the conversations been going.

 

[Phlog]

 

[BEER]

Spoiler alert: That's sort of the direction the conversations been going.

WELL THEN FUCK

 

[Lovestorm]

Probably schizoid.

 

[Kraysla]

Sounds more like you just hate hanging around drunk people rather than you hate socializing. I'm the same way. Except the dating the younger chick part.

 

[Tuf_guy]

Probably schizoid.

U asshole! I was trying so hard not to mention that. After finishing the op.

Socializing is a big problem for me. I'm at a point where I'm pretty comfortable having a conversation with a stranger and I'm not scared of being seen in public. The problem is, as much as I want friends just because it's pathetic that I haven't had any since I was like 13, it also seems friendships would be too much maintenance and I'm too comfortable in the routine of a hermit (Sitting around my house reading, playing video games, shitposting in the Mayberry etc). Not being alone would be a massive step out of the comfort zone.

Cool guy, 35, thick build. Have friends and not looking to replace them. Just looking to find someone to argue about football and exchanges piqs w/.

ps
NO married, men!

 

[SugarKrok]

I think they call getting drunk, like purposefully black out buzzed, the first sign youre an alcoholic. Besides that, Im glad you realized your disdain for others. It can take years to realize hiw little you crave the normaltive social exchanges many relish. Just be carefuk, man. If you shrug everytbing away for too long, its nit so easy to get back when you want it. Not the truest way with teh trjest of comrades.

 

[tmnpothead]

Valium is great. Why do you get depressed?

Sometimes I'm afraid of the social stigma of being an introvert. Some people don't understand it and think it is being a "weirdo"

Ibe always had low self worth. I wouldn't say I was bullied for being the quiet kid but I did get a hard time in school because of it. I over think things mostly and it held me back for a long time. After I quit boozing every day it really showed me how self destructive ive been. I'm 31 with nothing to really show for myself, I have a 5 year old son who hardly knows me because I was too busy drinking.

 

[VulcanNervPinch]

For about 10 years I've struggled with social anxiety.

Don't get me wrong, when I was in college i loved going out, partying, seeing friends, etc.

After I graduated i felt bad on my meds and decided to stop taking them. Since then my mind changed dramatically, and the socializing I used to look forward too now can't stand.

I'm starting to realize that im not "anxious" of social situations, I just don't enjoy them. I don't like being in a bar and having someone only half pay attention to what you are saying. I hate the stupid drama when people get drunk.

Don't get me wrong, I love drinking and getting "lit", but by myself. I hate being around people. I think I'm choosing this, and since ive realized this, I no longer feel ashamed of what I thought was a "mental disorder".

You're talking about social situations for the young/lazy/dumb that you've outgrown.
What about normal adult social situations?