Tell us an embarrassing story!

Medulla Omoplata

Medulla Omoplata

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I was getting some KFC for lunch the other day as I do every day, and I went to the washroom to wash my hands before sitting down. Now since it was lunch time of course the place was super busy. Lost in anticipation of my meal I wasn't paying attention as I pushed open the door to enter the washroom, if I had been paying attention I would have realized this was the heaviest door ever created by mankind.

After a successful visit to the washroom I was feeling pretty good about myself, and went to leave. In my mind I was to fling the door open wide and strut through the resulting opening like a lord entering a fancy ball. Remember I said the door opened into the washroom. I grabbed the door handle, flung the door wide and walked back into the dining area. Or that was what was supposed to happen. Since this was the heaviest door in the world it only swung partially open, which I hadn't noticed as I began my lordly strut into the dining area.

The result was me walking full force into edge of the door. I made enough noise to draw the attention of several patrons. My left arms, my face, and half my torso had made it through the opening. The rest of my body was still inside the washroom, trapped by this monstrosity of a door. It only took a few seconds for me to find the door handle and open the door enough for me to squeeze my trapped body through the door but it felt like forever.

I could feel the judgement from my fellow KFC patrons as I picked up my order. Out of embarrassment I had to get them to change it from "dine in" to "eat out" and took my meal out to my car. I drove around back and parked by the dumpsters to eat so no one would see me.
 
I sharted whilest making a pot of coffee the morning after I graduated high school.
 
When i was in elementary school (5th grade) i had forgotten my keys to the house. When i got there i had poop really bad.

I ended up dropping turds in the back yard (luckily for me there was a 5ft wall back there, so no one saw me). I had no toilet paper. So i just stayed squatted about 15 min while i crumbled up sheets of notebook to wipe myself.
 
MMA since 1993 said:
When i was in elementary school (5th grade) i had forgotten my keys to the house. When i got there i had poop really bad.

I ended up dropping turds in the back yard (luckily for me there was a 5ft wall back there, so no one saw me). I had no toilet paper. So i just stayed squatted about 15 min while i crumbled up sheets of notebook to wipe myself.
Click to expand...
A resourceful young lad.
 
I've shat myself on the way to an old job twice in the span of two weeks, in the same part of the highway even.

I was able to waddle into the office, clock-in, and then waddle to the bathroom without being noticed both times. Learned that in a pinch, hand-soap makes a great detergent. :)
 
What the fuck guys don't any of you have a story that doesn't involve shitting yourselves?
 
There is a guy who posts here, mainly in the war room. He got legit upset because someone insulted him with an insult that he himself had used in the past. This turnip was so unraveled, that he called in his friendly mods and even emailed Crave to have a mod reported for not acting on the insult. The mod in question just laughed at him and ridiculed him unmercifully because of his complete lack of control and tantrum.

He did manage to get a couple of guys carded, but at the same time lost any and all respect or credibility he ever had.

I think he was just on the brink of a nervous breakdown because his wife took the kids and ran off with her high school sweetheart who had gout.
 
Captain Davis said:
There is a guy who posts here, mainly in the war room. He got legit upset because someone insulted him with an insult that he himself had used in the past. This turnip was so unraveled, that he called in his friendly mods and even emailed Crave to have a mod reported for not acting on the insult. The mod in question just laughed at him and ridiculed him unmercifully because of his complete lack of control and tantrum.

He did manage to get a couple of guys carded, but at the same time lost any and all respect or credibility he ever had.

I think he was just on the brink of a nervous breakdown because his wife took the kids and ran off with her high school sweetheart who had gout.
Click to expand...
791.gif
 
In college I had two female roommates. We all became FWBs in between BFs and GFs, late drunken hookups, bored nights etc. never together, but I had banged them both a dozen times over a few years. It was dream come tru set up, no one ever caught feelings. So one day the phone rings and it’s roomate A. She tells me she broke up with her boyfriend and wants to come back to our place and fuck all day. So I jump in the shower. I got excited thinking about it in the shower and got a woody. I heard the door open and figured it was her. So I walked out with the towel hanging over my wang like a towel rack. I looked up and saw roomate B, with her mother. I jumped and screamed and the towel fell. Luckily they were cool and were cracking up. I told them my GF was there before and I didn’t realize she left. It worked out as they left other roomate comes back and we do have a fun day I moved out for a relationship that didn’t work the following year...biggest mistake of my life.
 
Medulla Omoplata said:
I was getting some KFC for lunch the other day as I do every day, and I went to the washroom to wash my hands before sitting down. Now since it was lunch time of course the place was super busy. Lost in anticipation of my meal I wasn't paying attention as I pushed open the door to enter the washroom, if I had been paying attention I would have realized this was the heaviest door ever created by mankind.

After a successful visit to the washroom I was feeling pretty good about myself, and went to leave. In my mind I was to fling the door open wide and strut through the resulting opening like a lord entering a fancy ball. Remember I said the door opened into the washroom. I grabbed the door handle, flung the door wide and walked back into the dining area. Or that was what was supposed to happen. Since this was the heaviest door in the world it only swung partially open, which I hadn't noticed as I began my lordly strut into the dining area.

The result was me walking full force into edge of the door. I made enough noise to draw the attention of several patrons. My left arms, my face, and half my torso had made it through the opening. The rest of my body was still inside the washroom, trapped by this monstrosity of a door. It only took a few seconds for me to find the door handle and open the door enough for me to squeeze my trapped body through the door but it felt like forever.

I could feel the judgement from my fellow KFC patrons as I picked up my order. Out of embarrassment I had to get them to change it from "dine in" to "eat out" and took my meal out to my car. I drove around back and parked by the dumpsters to eat so no one would see me.
Click to expand...
I have 3000 posts on sherdog
 
Sonny said:
I sharted whilest making a pot of coffee the morning after I graduated high school.
Click to expand...
lol, I sharted while out for a walk and had to penguin walk into a gas station and ask to use their bathroom so I could throw my underwear away.
 
Was in a furniture store with gf.
I went down a long aisle and was blocked at the end of it by a guy.
He wanted to get by me, and we did that little "polite chipmunks" dance, I began to pardon me and tried to step aside.
Then I noticed there was nobody actually there, it was a full length mirror placed at the end of the aisle. By this time there were several people watching me make a fool of myself
 
MMA since 1993 said:
When i was in elementary school (5th grade) i had forgotten my keys to the house. When i got there i had poop really bad.

I ended up dropping turds in the back yard (luckily for me there was a 5ft wall back there, so no one saw me). I had no toilet paper. So i just stayed squatted about 15 min while i crumbled up sheets of notebook to wipe myself.
Click to expand...
That’s a good excuse for school.
“Sorry teacher I don’t have my homework because I got locked out so I had to use my homework to wipe my ass. Don’t worry there was a five foot wall no one saw!”
 
First job out of college I bought a CBR1000 with my first paycheck. Well, down payment and financed lol. Anyway, we had a managers meeting at the end of each month and new trainees attended to introduce themselves, give background etc. I was running late and hit 100mph+ on the freeway going in. No helmet, hair blowing straight back. I got to the office just in time and went straight to the meeting.

I knew my hair looked wild but when my time came they asked for my ideas on material flow improvement, and I was ready for the question. They must have been impressed because everyone in the room was looking at me and paying attention. It was awesome and I knew I was going places. Even the other new trainees hung on every word. At the end of the meeting I shook hands all around and left. I stopped by the bathroom to piss and then went to wash up.

In front of the mirror.

A fucking bug had splattered on my forehead and left a green gut stain, along with several legs dangling from my skin.

And no one had said a damned word. Humility has one hell of a curveball.
 
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