Too much pepper?

[Wanderlei4Life]

So funny, first time reading it.

 

[Zankou]

One funny detail about the OP I just noticed, he laced up "24 ounce" gloves for the peppering. For those who aren't boxers, 24 ounce gloves are basically clown gloves, like huge pillows, which you would almost never use unless you were sparring with somebody really feeble who you didn't want to hurt (like a small girl or something).

 

[MC Paul Barman]

One funny detail about the OP I just noticed, he laced up "24 ounce" gloves for the peppering. For those who aren't boxers, 24 ounce gloves are basically clown gloves, like huge pillows, which you would almost never use unless you were sparring with somebody really feeble who you didn't want to hurt (like a small girl or something).

OP?

We're on first name basis, you and I.
We've both been here before the great grain weevil famine of 2006.

 

[DoctorTaco]

So I'm at the gym the other night flickin' my jab away at the heavy bag (pop, pop, pop). Lightning fast... pop, pop, POP! I'm getting into a groove so I start doin my Ali shuffle as I'm dusting the heavy bag with this jab. I get alittle freaked out that the S-hook this bag is dangling from is going to snap.

As you can imagine all of these grapplers in the gym are getting pissed and intimidated... I'm talking wrestlers, bjjers, and an assortment of others (sambo?? probably).

One guy (probably a wrestler) says "go easy on that bag".
I look at him and just say "Why don't you make me... all of you".
As you can imagine they all are dumbfounded and a bit terrified.

So I'm all spent with handing out these "hi ya's" and "how ya doin's". I point to where the grappling mats and boxing rings are and say "let's just settle this like men"...
as I'm walking to a grappling mat one of the bjjers says "but the boxing ring is over there" (pointing to a boxing ring) and I just say, "I know. We're settling this in your world".

You could have heard a pin drop. It's like that scene from A Bronx Tale where the italian locks the door of the bar trapping the bikers inside with all of the mafia guys.

Just like this:

I'm standing in the center of the mat and start lacing up my 24oz gloves. One of these grapplers says "but with gloves on how are you going to get back up? you won't be able to grab??"....
I don't even look up, still focusing on my gloves.... I just say,
"You just worry about getting me down."

a general unease spreads among the grapplers. That and complete terror.


Let's just cut to the good part.

I have a bjjer, freestyle wrestler, and some judo clown slowly advancing towards me (and I mean slllllloooooooooooowwwwwlllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy.... the kind of slow advancing you'd do on a gorilla that's more than likely going to rip you apart)....the sambo guy must have had a moment of clarity. Last I saw he was hightailing it towards the door yelling something inaudible. I think it was something about how he was experiencing great terror and dread.

I start bouncing around, real light on my feet. Switching south paw/orthodox.... back and forth.... paw'ing at the air with my jab.

Wrestler is the first guy to taste his.... I start laying on really thick with the pepper. I'm just peppering this guy with the jab. pop, pop, pop. He just can't get his bearings about him. Any time he tries to shoot... pop pop pop....
he gives up and mutters some defeated comment like, "I never had to deal with a jab before in wrestling." I sagely respond, "I knew that all along". Peppered to death, as I say.

Bjj guy is a bit more hesitant.... but it plays out all the same.
After a very quick dusting with the jab he just drops to his back.
Remember when Royler fought Sakuraba. Royler drops to his back and the camera just shows this look of terror and dread and confusion on his face? And complete bewilderment and shock and terror? Exactly like that.... but like 10 times more terror and dread and confusion. And complete bewilderment and shock and terror.

I turn around to face the judo guy but he's nowhere to be seen.
The only sign that he was there is this empty judo gi laying lifeless on the floor.
I'm telling you, right out of the movie "Night of the Comet" where all of those people were just vaporized and only their clothes were left behind.

yeah, just like that.

For a moment I was real confused.... With all of the jabs I was dustin these guys with might I have gone overboard on the judo guy and completely vaporized him???

Then I was brought back to my senses when a custodian yells out, "He just sprinted for the door yelling something about being done with judo and how he was flooded with complete terror and dread"....

I look down at my fist nestled nicely in the 24oz Everlast and said, "oh look... you did it again."

Anyway. Thought I'd share this.

This post is what inspired me to make love to my wife tonight. Thank you TS

 

[kuristus]

Good fiction is too often recognized only posthumously.

 

[King Ghidorah]

How could anyone want to see this masterpiece sent to the wasteland? absolute none sense I say. Barman you magnificent bastard.

 

[NutHuggers]

Listen to this man, people.

I'm close to wanting to take him under my belt. Only problem being I typically don't let anything get that close to my Arizona Jeans.

Uchi Mata hits on all points. But there's one area he neglected. The glove Jimmerson DID where. He wore this puny little glove (and only one of them).
It goes without saying but: the bigger the better.
What's more intimidating? Some dinky little 18oz glove? Or some 24oz (and up) battering ram?

If you can't see them from 2 city blocks out.... they're too small.

Arizona Jeans makes this post legendary

 

[the heed]

Times like this, I miss Sitcharoooooo

 

[Torre]

Great thread I'm off to start learning the Ali shuffle and getting a heavy bag instead of jiu-jitsu tonight.

 

[sb413197]

How could anyone want to see this masterpiece sent to the wasteland? absolute none sense I say. Barman you magnificent bastard.

Well said. The archives is a far more appropriate resting place, in fact.

 

[Mr. Sandman]

Man that was entertaining. A successful thread. Bravo

 

[XThe GreatestX]

without question the most epic thread of all time

 

[Rex Kwon Do]

A-level posting.

 

[Victory]

This was the funniest post of all time! Dang your writing is great. Obvious trolling, but whocares, I couldnt catch my breath I was laughing so hard. I will gladly read a post like this, trolling or not. That made my day.

 

[equus]

when people ask who that was, other people more familiar with ts say "That was MC Paul Barman. He hates public schools and was bullied when he was little."

 

[Tobago Jones]

Too much lulz in the thread.

 

[AGGAMEMNON66]

when people ask who that was, other people more familiar with ts say "That was MC Paul Barman. He hates public schools and was bullied when he was little."

lol


All true.


A poor mans 'Doubled':

I took my son to get a new tank top. His side muscles are getting so big that he is popping out of his wife beater at school, and it is causing a problem because the ladys are distracted, they can't keep their eyes off of him.

So we are in line at Walmart today, and this guy bumps into my achillies tendon with his shopping cart. I turned around and this s.o.b. is laughing at me. Not even a sorry. I told him to go back to Mexico and go pick some peppers. He got mad and called me a hillbilly. I was going to touch him with my jab, but the shopping cart was shielding him from my line of fire, so I picked up a bag of Skittles and launched it at his face.

He got out of the way, and the Skittles bounced off of this little girl's head. She started crying, and next thing I knew, this big black guy hits me over the head with a shovel. My son began to swing on him, and I got up and tackled the guy. I pulled down his pants and shoved a bag of skittles in his ass. Then I hit him in the **** with a pot of flowers.

The mexican guy thought it was pretty funny, so I threw him inside of his shopping cart and pushed him into a cactus. I didn't even pay for the shirt. My son and I just headed for the door. This old white guy at the door who only had one arm tried to stop us. My son shook his hand and I touched him with the jab. He went down before I could even throw the right.

As I was getting into the truck, this cop tried to put me in hand cuffs. I spun around twice and hit him with the deadly uppercut. My fourteen year old son started the pickup, so I jumped in the back and we sped home. It was a close one, but at least my son got a bigger shirt.

 

[hotborsh]

10/10

 

[MC Paul Barman]

when people ask who that was, other people more familiar with ts say "That was MC Paul Barman. He hates public schools and was bullied when he was little."

I didn't have a good jab back then.
But now I do.

 

[MC Paul Barman]

Don't know if anyone here has Epix but Night of the Comet was on last week.

DMK in 6th place. what WHAT?!