I don’t know, I tend to think most people on Internet forums who talk shit are just doing it because they can’t do it in real life and 95% of it is harmless joking. I think some people take the Internet way too seriously and actually sit there getting all frazzled about what somebody said to them on the net...,lol @ that.
OP to me, and reading most of the stuff you post, I think you’re a good dude, you seem to recognize your shortcomings and know where they came from and you strive to improve them, you also notice areas of your life you feel ar deficient and make a conscious effort to try to find ways to improve them. Everybody does shit they know isn’t good, good people actually care when they do things they know aren’t good.
You’re a good person and self improvement is one step at a time. I’m 10 years older than you almost and for all my successes in life there’s still areas I know need improvement, I just mean there’s never an end to it.