Would you be cool with your wife/gf hanging out with a guy friend?

[SL1200]

It's not a good look if my significant other is hanging out with other men. Just like it isn't a good look if I'm seen with other women.

A good look to who? Your friends know better and the rest is not important..

 

[Bamboozled]

"Moraly" what? Unift for all men and women to hang out socially or just married ones. You are not clear.

I disagree regardless as it is not a moral issue to just hang out unless your morals are based on a very strict interpretation of Islam or some such.

And my image of being a secure trusting man and husband/partner is not at risk if my wife/gf has male friends. Not with anyone I am worried about anyway.

M'eh.

So much projecting going on here and that is the problem. You can only speak for yourself in that statement and please don't speak for other men. Many men and women can be adults and have friendships while respecting the boundaries of theirs and the others marriages.

Married ones.Since the thread is about being married.

 

[franklinstower]

You know, this isn’t what I thought when I was an unmarried man in my 20s, which makes sense given where I was at in my life.

But vowing to a woman that I will love her and be with her until death changed my perspective on the responsibility and value I have for my relationship. It’s like, treat your wife like she’s something to value and hold close. Treat your marriage like it’s something that can be threatened at any moment—because it can.

And totally agreed on your last point. Straight men don’t look to hang out with other men’s wives for the rousing conversation. Like you said, this should be common sense.

You nailed it on the head exactly. Its about preserving something so precious and delicate and just wanting to take the best care of it you can. If you add kids to that already valuable relationship you are then responsible for something way more precious and valuable than you deserve and far more important than your own selfish desires and needs. There ought to be a little fear about the possibility of ruining it and blowing it.

 

[thoughtsone]

I am secure in myself and her to not give a fuck. No one hitting that like I am, and if I have ANY misgivings about trust in a relationship I shouldn't be in a realtionship. Like, if I was worried about her interacting with any guy at all, I probably shouldn't be dating her. Goes both ways. If you cant handle it, you should be single since you want control and she isn't "property".

That said, if a guy trys to fuck my girl he is catching a major fade and if she is leading him on or inviting it she is hitting the bricks.

 

[plataoplombo]

I've only had to tell my woman a couple of times in our 18yrs together that she should avoid a situation for my sake. I trust in her to judge what is appropriate or not and act accordingly with propriety.

Edit. I do not however believe that male female friendships should be encouraged beyond wider friendship group levels. Close or best friendships are a red flag.

When I was young I had a girlfriend who used to sit on guys knees, didn't stop after we got together either till I had a talk with her about it.

You want a woman who doesn't have to be told these things are inappropriate.

Totally agree with this. Not only do you want to avoid situations that cause doubts but you also don't want to be made a fool of either.

 

[bowened]

M'eh.

So much projecting going on here and that is the problem. You can only speak for yourself in that statement and please don't speak for other men. Many men and women can be adults and have friendships while respecting the boundaries of theirs and the others marriages.

Sure, Mike. Anything is possible. There are men in this world capable of walking a perfectly straight path. But I’m not banking on the ones who seek out one-on-one companionship with married women as being them. For me, that is the boundary to respect. It sounds like we disagree there.

However, I had to laugh at your accusation of “so much projection” given that you came out of the gate in this thread by hurling “insecure” at people and haven’t really stopped. You just keep on proving to us all what a “secure and trusting partner” you are, buddy.

lol projection

 

[ChucksGlassJaw]

Life gets a lot easier when you realize that if you have to stop a girl from fucking somebody else, you shouldn't have been with her in the first place.

 

[method115]

It depends on what you mean by hanging out really. Do I want her going out dancing with some dude till 2 am? Fuck no. Can she can go out for drinks\dinner\lunch sure I'm cool with that.

 

[MikeMcMann]

Sure, Mike. Anything is possible. There are men in this world capable of walking a perfectly straight path. But I’m not banking on the ones who seek out one-on-one companionship with married women as being them. For me, that is the boundary to respect. It sounds like we disagree there.

However, I had to laugh at your accusation of “so much projection” given that you came out of the gate in this thread by hurling “insecure” at people and haven’t really stopped. You just keep on proving to us all what a “secure and trusting partner” you are, buddy.

lol projection

it is clearly an insecurity issue. There is no projection there on my part.

Guys who think that there gal having a male friend will lead to cheating is by definition an insecurity. That is exactly what the word means so I used it correctly. Guys saying 'straight men don't..." are projecting as they are trying to speak for all men when they can only speak for themselves.

Like @thoughtsone above I have never been concerned about who my ladies friends were. If she finds someone she wants to be with more than me she is free to leave. no issues. I am not try to trap or control or limit her interactions in the hopes of controlling her to make her stay and be loyal. She either wants to stay and be loyal or she does not and if not, then go. I honestly feel sorry for guys so paranoid and so desperate to convince themselves they have taken some level of control and are preventing their gals from cheating. FLOL if they can convince themselves of that.

And I don't have any issue with you and your S.O. setting your own boundaries. I am not knocking that. I am knocking the naive machismo that makes these guys feel Alpha when they say 'they would not ALLOW their woman to...' and then think others are being beta if they are more secure than them. Sorry guys but you can really do nothing to stop your woman from having an affair if she wants one. You need her to not want to as you CANNOT stop it.

 

[j123]

Yeah I don't have an issue

For some reason the gf's male friends are weird, they're trying to get in, but have weird personalities that would never let them in. They end up doing stupid shit like favors for her and all that stuff. Whatever, it makes them feel happy to do so, so who am I to ruin a guy's happiness...

 

[Turismo]

I wouldn't mind so long as she introduced me to the guy first so I can let him know what he's up against.

 

[bowened]

it is clearly an insecurity issue. There is no projection there on my part.

Guys who think that there gal having a male friend will lead to cheating is by definition an insecurity. That is exactly what the word means so I used it correctly. Guys saying 'straight men don't..." are projecting as they are trying to speak for all men when they can only speak for themselves.

Like @thoughtsone above I have never been concerned about who my ladies friends were. If she finds someone she wants to be with more than me she is free to leave. no issues. I am not try to trap or control or limit her interactions in the hopes of controlling her to make her stay and be loyal. She either wants to stay and be loyal or she does not and if not, then go. I honestly feel sorry for guys so paranoid and so desperate to convince themselves they have taken some level of control and are preventing their gals from cheating. FLOL if they can convince themselves of that.

And I don't have any issue with you and your S.O. setting your own boundaries. I am not knocking that. I am knocking the naive machismo that makes these guys feel Alpha when they say 'they would not ALLOW their woman to...' and then think others are being beta if they are more secure than them. Sorry guys but you can really do nothing to stop your woman from having an affair if she wants one. You need her to not want to as you CANNOT stop it.

I didn’t say you used the word projection incorrectly. I said your accusation of projection against me was funny because you’re in here accusing everybody of being “insecure” while you yourself come across extremely insecure in this thread.

Regarding my straight men comment, I have no reason to trust the intentions of a man who seeks out the one-on-one companionship of a married woman, just like I don’t trust a man who approaches me in a dark alley. They are both suspicious behaviors, and my instincts respond accordingly. Look at me, here I go again—thinking I speak for all men in dark allies!

 

[Jack Reacheround]

My wife has a gay guy friend she hangs out with all the time. Why would I care?

As for a straight guy friend, I wouldn’t really have a problem with it. But I would tell her to be careful and not do something she’d regret later, but if she does to record it.

 

[Kframe]

There's a dutch saying "zoals de waard is vertrouwt hij zijn gasten"

You expect others to act like you act yourself.. if you don't trust her it's because you know you are untrustworthy yourself

Ignorant..

I don't understand what people don't get about not going out and hanging out with opposite sex friends. Its about respect for your fucking partner. It's about reducing the chances of temptation. But oh no, its apparently wrong to ask that she not put her self in situations were she will be tempted.. Same shit applies to men but @MikeMcMann just doesn't think such a thing is possible..

 

[Bamboozled]

Ignorant..

I don't understand what people don't get about not going out and hanging out with opposite sex friends. Its about respect for your fucking partner. It's about reducing the chances of temptation. But oh no, its apparently wrong to ask that she not put her self in situations were she will be tempted.. Same shit applies to men but @MikeMcMann just doesn't think such a thing is possible..

He's just into other dudes fucking his significant other.

 

[Kframe]

Yes. She's an adult with her own friends. I feel like most of you have never been in a functional relationship.

And when that relationship starts getting close and intimate and she fucks one of those, "her own friends" then you will understand.

 

[ajwbjj87]

Only if he is a family member or gay, sorry but men and women can’t just be friends when it’s 1 on 1. One of the two always wants to bang the other.

 

[MikeMcMann]

I didn’t say you used the word projection incorrectly. I said your accusation of projection against me was funny because you’re in here accusing everybody of being “insecure” while you yourself come across extremely insecure in this thread

Ya i got what you meant. I just don't accept or care about your assessment of me.

Me : I am comfortable knowing I cannot control my woman and that if she does not cheat on me it is because she respect the relationship, as I do.

You : oh that shows you are insecure.



Ya i don't fuss over garbage tit-for-tat meaningless assessments that cannot be backed up. But I know that is a sherdog thing.

Regarding my straight men comment, I have no reason to trust the intentions of a man who seeks out the one-on-one companionship of a married woman, just like I don’t trust a man who approaches me in a dark alley. They are both suspicious behaviors, and my instincts respond accordingly. Look at me, here I go again—thinking I speak for all men in dark allies!

I am not suggesting you trust the man. I am suggesting you trust your S.O. who gets to make a choice with regards to how she deals with the man.

 

[Kframe]

I’m just throwing this out there, make of it what you will. For a portion of my life, I was a philanderer. Early in my life I had braces and acne and a mullet. When I hit 17 that all changed and I went threw a period where I overcompensated throughout my 20s. I worked with many married woman that were extremely faithful good people. We would become friends. Lunches, convos, and friendships. If I was attracted to them, I eventually slept with them. Almost every one. 3 different companies....all levels...even higher ups. Some weren’t even unhappy or underserved in their marriages. All of the sex was incredible. All went back to their marriages like nothing happened, as I was up front about what this was....never about love. I was always a gentleman and always remained friends, with many coming back every once in a while for more fun.

So all those, “I trust her implicitly to be platonic friends with a guy” better make sure the guy isn’t attractive, or their wife isn’t attractive. Because human nature is what it is. I turned my life around as I know what I did was based on My own insecurities.

@MikeMcMann You see this? This is exactly what we are talking about. this very thing you say we should just trust them to avoid.. Espescially when he says the ladies were, " I worked with many married woman that were extremely faithful good people...…….. Some weren’t even unhappy or underserved in their marriages"

 

[MikeMcMann]

Ignorant..

I don't understand what people don't get about not going out and hanging out with opposite sex friends. Its about respect for your fucking partner. It's about reducing the chances of temptation. But oh no, its apparently wrong to ask that she not put her self in situations were she will be tempted.. Same shit applies to men but @MikeMcMann just doesn't think such a thing is possible..

Comments from the guy who thinks that at least punishment within Islam for female infidelity does force compliance and who also does not GAF about the men cheating are not something I put any value upon.