ye old "eat, drink and be married" thread vol. 2..... all in the family edition

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equus

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the first thread was all about the good and bad in marriage or long term relationships.

http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f48/ye-old-eat-drink-married-thread-2067489/?highlight=

weve hit 1000 on it and the lock is inevitable. heres the second version. same premise. no flaming. no efights. good hearted laughs. Give us the good and bad in your married life........



NO SHIT STORIES PLEASE! THEY BRING THE HAMMER...

and heres the first post from the last thread as an example as i was pmed by a new guy (who i think was scared to click the link for 1) who wasnt familiar with this thread and premise....

made a kid thread. that covers the funny shit we go through as parents. in this thread, i want to laugh at the stupid shit that drives us nuts, makes us laugh, as well as the redeeming things that being married (or a longterm relationship) brings to the table. i could also name it the "marital exhaust thread" or the "fume and vent about marriage thread"..... lol...

to clarify, i do love being married. and to beat all the guys that say "oh i'm NEVER getting fucking married." to that punch, yeah yeah. neither was i. and having kids and a family is the best thing that ever happened to me. my wife is a smoking hot, "10" Latina. (we all know who thats for) Love my married life and family. Just have to post some of the funny shit that occurs in the everyday life of a married schmuck.

As alot of you on here that i consider friends know, we just had our 3rd (and fucking final) child. Shes almost 4 mos. My wife works Sat, Sun and Mon overnights from 6pm to 7am before getting home around 730am which means in turn, on those nights, Daddy plays with the kids, gets them ready for bed (fed, bathed, wound down) and put to bed before dealing with the up and down overnight sleep cycle of a teething 4 month old baby. generally the baby will sleep a big time chunk in the evening from 6-10 or 11pm. in between all of this, i clean the house the best i can to help out the wife. (dishes, toys put away, rooms cleaned, laundry done. mr. mom type shit.) so after all of that, during the night im up and down at least 4 times for at least 30 to 45 minutes each time to feed her and then i wake up at 5-530am (if its been a mild night for the baby) and workout before taking off for work at 730am with an immaculate house in my rear view. every day my wife, if its an off day for work, wakes up around 7 am, comes down for the day and lays on the couch with the baby while trying to keep track of a wild maniacal 2 year old tornado. Over the course of the day, she zombie shuffles (i would imagine) into the kitchen to put meals together for herself and the 2 year old. at the end of the day, every day, the house looks like dr.seuss or any of his incarnations ran through it dropping toys, half eaten sandwiches and hand grenades in his wake... and the kitchen sink looks like, as i put it to Jmac yesterday, "shes playing a game of fucking jenga with dirty dishes"....... "first person to have a dish fall has to do the kitcheeeeeeen.." this is the part where the funny comes in for me....on my off days, i still get up and work out and do house stuff. on the off chance that i want to lounge and be lazy on a weekend, this would be the day that my wife has a flame under her ass to clean and run errands that she "wants me to go and help her with." and if i say anything about me trying to get the same actions and assistance out of her on her off days, she is first to mention that on her off days shes to tired to do anything other than lay around and sleep. i get that you had a baby 4 months ago. i also get that if it was a workday, you worked 13 hours before coming home. not asking shit form you on those days buuuut i also see 5 hours of your DVR "stories" have been watched and your tablet is so hot we could cook eggs on it....... (dont be buying me a fucking IPAD).... so you had time to do some stuff. i get home around 530-630. spend some time with the kids, eat dinner and again do the nighttime prep for their bedtimes. and generally after they go to sleep, i try to take the baby so she can go to bed ASAP when i get home if she wants. half the time she wont take the offer but will instead bitch about how very exhausted she is for 4 hours before finally laying down and sleeping.

this is all funny to me. you may not get it if you arent married but this is the marriage dynamic. post your funny scenarios if you have any. and if youre married, you do......

cliffs:
i love my wife. i like to bitch about her double standards.


and like kevin said in the last one, we got away from our bitching roots and started talking about how awesome our wives are. trying to do good shit for them..... thats fine too, but the complaining about them is definately appreciated... :D

and as the unofficial mascot of the married threads since he was such a big hit, my son, Wilford Brimley "Diabetus" Jack..
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alepaint_stock_photo_2011-04-05_22-10-51-1.jpg


and our training log

http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f49/o...ining-keep-ourselves-accountable-log-2110513/
 
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Ye Olde V2: now with 20% more irritated dads!
 
Marriage=50% chance of divorce. When you get depressed you drink. When you drink you pick fights with strangers in bars. You think your tough, others want to find out how tough. You wake up in a road side ditch. Don't wake up un a road side ditch. Stay single so and mingle you'll be happier for it!
 
Marriage=50% chance of divorce. When you get depressed you drink. When you drink you pick fights with strangers in bars. You think your tough, others want to find out how tough. You wake up in a road side ditch. Don't wake up un a road side ditch. Stay single so and mingle you'll be happier for it!

Someone likes those directv commercials, ha ha.
 
When you get divorced your well into middle age with no sex life. When you have no sex life you search the net for porn. When you've been married for years and get divorced you don't know what the good porn sites are. You click on teen porn and get illegal child porn. When you get married,divorced, accidentally watch child porn the cops bust down your door and arrest you. You have to register as a sex offender. When you get married, divorced, watch kiddie porn,get arrested and register as a sexual deviant neighbors beat your ass and you wake up in a road side ditch. Don't get married, divorced, download kiddie porn, get arrested, register as a sexual deviant, get beat up by neighbors and wake up in a road side ditch. Stay single, happy and mingle!
 
Words of wisdom, Stonehenge. Where were you 15 years ago this very day?
I guess the best thing for me to do now is not get divorced, et al.
 
I have zero doubt I shall regret this, however; who's that and why?


Go easy

If the shit hits the fan, just so you know, I don't know who that is either.
 
Here's to another 1000 glorious posts gentlemen.... Raise your glasses..... Jmac, raise your juicebox....
 
And Kyle ill post some more kid pics tomorrow for tiffs amber alert theft file.... Probable children to steal...
 
I'm not married or in a relationship, but I used to go through the old thread a bit and really liked it. It's cool to see you guys do this thread, and I wish you guys many more happy years with your wives and kids.
 
Wait a minute isn't that the asshole from dexter? Jmac is JUST like that dude...
 
We just got through a 4 1/2 month no sex drought. It was tough, but I'm now being heavily rewarded. Got through it without straying. Whewww! Pregnant sex for the win! Hawt!
 
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