Ye old "eat, drink, and be married" thread

equus

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made a kid thread. that covers the funny shit we go through as parents. in this thread, i want to laugh at the stupid shit that drives us nuts, makes us laugh, as well as the redeeming things that being married (or a longterm relationship) brings to the table. i could also name it the "marital exhaust thread" or the "fume and vent about marriage thread"..... lol...

to clarify, i do love being married. and to beat all the guys that say "oh i'm NEVER getting fucking married." to that punch, yeah yeah. neither was i. and having kids and a family is the best thing that ever happened to me. my wife is a smoking hot, "10" Latina. (we all know who thats for) Love my married life and family. Just have to post some of the funny shit that occurs in the everyday life of a married schmuck.

As alot of you on here that i consider friends know, we just had our 3rd (and fucking final) child. Shes almost 4 mos. My wife works Sat, Sun and Mon overnights from 6pm to 7am before getting home around 730am which means in turn, on those nights, Daddy plays with the kids, gets them ready for bed (fed, bathed, wound down) and put to bed before dealing with the up and down overnight sleep cycle of a teething 4 month old baby. generally the baby will sleep a big time chunk in the evening from 6-10 or 11pm. in between all of this, i clean the house the best i can to help out the wife. (dishes, toys put away, rooms cleaned, laundry done. mr. mom type shit.) so after all of that, during the night im up and down at least 4 times for at least 30 to 45 minutes each time to feed her and then i wake up at 5-530am (if its been a mild night for the baby) and workout before taking off for work at 730am with an immaculate house in my rear view. every day my wife, if its an off day for work, wakes up around 7 am, comes down for the day and lays on the couch with the baby while trying to keep track of a wild maniacal 2 year old tornado. Over the course of the day, she zombie shuffles (i would imagine) into the kitchen to put meals together for herself and the 2 year old. at the end of the day, every day, the house looks like dr.seuss or any of his incarnations ran through it dropping toys, half eaten sandwiches and hand grenades in his wake... and the kitchen sink looks like, as i put it to Jmac yesterday, "shes playing a game of fucking jenga with dirty dishes"....... "first person to have a dish fall has to do the kitcheeeeeeen.." this is the part where the funny comes in for me....on my off days, i still get up and work out and do house stuff. on the off chance that i want to lounge and be lazy on a weekend, this would be the day that my wife has a flame under her ass to clean and run errands that she "wants me to go and help her with." and if i say anything about me trying to get the same actions and assistance out of her on her off days, she is first to mention that on her off days shes to tired to do anything other than lay around and sleep. i get that you had a baby 4 months ago. i also get that if it was a workday, you worked 13 hours before coming home. not asking shit form you on those days buuuut i also see 5 hours of your DVR "stories" have been watched and your tablet is so hot we could cook eggs on it....... (dont be buying me a fucking IPAD).... so you had time to do some stuff. i get home around 530-630. spend some time with the kids, eat dinner and again do the nighttime prep for their bedtimes. and generally after they go to sleep, i try to take the baby so she can go to bed ASAP when i get home if she wants. half the time she wont take the offer but will instead bitch about how very exhausted she is for 4 hours before finally laying down and sleeping.



this is all funny to me. you may not get it if you arent married but this is the marriage dynamic. post your funny scenarios if you have any. and if youre married, you do......



cliffs:



i love my wife. i like to bitch about her double standards. :icon_chee





NO SHIT STORIES PLEASE
 
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in before TLDR and this is why i dont get fucking married.

there Fatalis.........
 
agree with you there. my wife called off work and I have the day shift with the kids since I work nights.... so I pretty much had a sweet-ass day off yesterday and let her do all the shit I do.
 
Lol. My wife is a solid 8 but has that excellent southern ass. Boob job would take her up to a 9. 3 kids 6 year old twins and 3 year old.
The one thing thats that everytime i complain about my knee. Or feeling sick in general she immediately counters with something wrong with her. If i do that, im an asshole.lol
 
Lol. My wife is a solid 8 but has that excellent southern ass. Boob job would take her up to a 9. 3 kids 6 year old twins and 3 year old.
The one thing thats that everytime i complain about my knee. Or feeling sick in general she immediately counters with something wrong with her. If i do that, im an asshole.lol

High five bro.
 
Lol. My wife is a solid 8 but has that excellent southern ass. Boob job would take her up to a 9. 3 kids 6 year old twins and 3 year old.
The one thing thats that everytime i complain about my knee. Or feeling sick in general she immediately counters with something wrong with her. If i do that, im an asshole.lol

haha. i hear you. i always get shit or told im selfish if i wake up at 5 am, when shes asleep, and lift weights. in our garage. i dont leave. i dont go to a gym. i lift weights in our garage. and im selfish because i want to be fit. last i checked lifting at 5am on the opposite side of the house to sportscenter, not blaring music, when nobody else is up for 2 hours, isnt a selfish act.
 
where is your wife from?

my wife is from the Kansas City metropolitan area. Her mom is straight Hispanic from Acapulco, born and raised.
 
My 11 month old still has 0 teeth. We've been routinely head faked by bad moods assuming "oh it must be teething". I'll believe it when I see it.
 
All I can think about is my wife and our ordeal during the birth of our 2nd child.
It was unbelievable, and more a testament to her bravery and will than a funny story.
Not really what this thread is after. I'll keep thinking.
 
My 11 month old still has 0 teeth. We've been routinely head faked by bad moods assuming "oh it must be teething". I'll believe it when I see it.

our son got 2 teeth at the same time at 5 months. it was a fucking nightmare.


thanks jmac. your baby mama is one nice looking cookie as well. which is weird. cause we're ugly motherfuckers...... post your funny labor nightmare........
 
- Sometimes she'll bogart the TV and the laptop. She'll be browsing Facebook, but I can't change the channel because she's watching it. Keep in mind that if I get up to go to the bathroom while I'm watching TV, I will return with the channel changed to some teen vampire tv show.

- One time I took a side-project and severely underestimated my eta. Long story short I got paid for less than half of the actual work I did. When I finally got the money for the job I was ecstatic and said I was going to buy a new heavy bag to treat myself. I then got an earful about how we were saving for vacation. The next week she gets her student loan money in and buys a couple of new dresses and shoes, because she needs them.

- We've been over it many times, and I am not to leave the toilet seat up, my underwear on the floor, or wet towels on the bed. If I do those things, I hear about it. But despite how many time we go over them, my hair brush is always hidden from me in the morning because she likes mine more than hers, I never know when I get important mail because it just gets shoved into the wreck that becomes our dinner table on school nights, and I'm always searching for my work laptop in the morning because she takes it out and doesn't put it back.


But those are just silly people issues. She could be addicted to meth. That would be an actual problem. When the above things happen, I just shake my head and think "oh, you!" Mostly because I'm sure she's got a list on me, as well.
 
His wife is gorgeous, when he says 10 he means it. Beautiful lady.

I'm sure.

The only reason I asked is because my girlfriend is Latina as well.

I'm probably too young to contribute to this thread in any meaningful way. I'll let all the old farts handle it.
 
I'm sure.

The only reason I asked is because my girlfriend is Latina as well.

I'm probably too young to contribute to this thread in any meaningful way. I'll let all the old farts handle it.

I'm more so reiterating for the people who will challenge his "sure your wife's a 10"

I figured you were asking because he mentioned she's Latina, so you liked that look.

I'm just stroking Eq's ego I guess.

Please do contribute. Age is just a number, and matters not. If you have anything fun to add or what not, share with class my friend. We're here for fun, not to judge.
 
- Sometimes she'll bogart the TV and the laptop. She'll be browsing Facebook, but I can't change the channel because she's watching it. Keep in mind that if I get up to go to the bathroom while I'm watching TV, I will return with the channel changed to some teen vampire tv show.
.

Lol, my wife does this too.
 
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