Your go-to jokes

[fluffball]

A guy walks into a car dealership and looks around. The salesman saunters up to him and says "Hello there! Thinkin' bout buyin' a car?!"

The guy replies, "No, I'm gonna buy a car, I'm thinkin' 'bout poontang".

 

[boingyman]

Why did the monkey fall off the tree?

Spoiler

because he was dead

 

[SmilinDesperado]

A guy walks into a car dealership and looks around. The salesman saunters up to him and says "Hello there! Thinkin' bout buyin' a car?!"

The guy replies, "No, I'm gonna buy a car, I'm thinkin' 'bout poontang".

 

[fluffball]

I'm having trouble reading your facial expression. That's you right?

 

[Steve-French]

What did the Leper say to the Hooker?

Spoiler

Keep the tip

What is the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of Levis?

Spoiler

A pair of Levis only has one fly on it

 

[Steve-French]

A teenage girl asks to borrow her fathers car to go to a party. He responds in a calm manner,
"That's great honey, but if you want the keys you're going to have to suck my dick."
The girl responds,

"Oh my god Dad! Quit goofing around and being gross. Can I PLEASE use the car."
The Father responds mocking her,
"Oh my god! I'm serious...If you want the car you're going to have to give me head."
The girl draws silent and after a long pause she says,
"Fuck it! Whip it out I'm not missing this party."

The old man whips out his hog and she starts going to town
After a bit she stops and almost vomits.
" Ewww DAD!!!! You're cock tastes like shit!!!"
The father replies,
"Oh yeah that's right... Your brother has the car tonight."

 

[Deleted member 220895]

Why do firemen wear red suspenders?

Spoiler

to hold their pants up

 

[greygoose]

How do you tell time at Neverland Ranch?

When the big hand touches the little hand

 

[Phlog]

I don't remember any jokes. I used to when I was younger but then I just stopped bothering.

I love comedy but for some reason I left it behind. I prefer to either talk about things that interest me or just have silence.

I have a friend that tells one liners constantly and it's pretty funny but I figure it comes from a need somewhere that I don't have or have let go.

 

[mb23100]

I cringingly made a "That's what she said" joke today to a manager. Apparently those are no longer funny

 

[Jack Reacheround]

How do you tell time at Neverland Ranch?

When the big hand touches the little hand

Poor Michael Jackson. He was apparently the only one who wasn’t raping children. It kind of makes you wonder if all the child rapists spread the rumor intentionally to keep the conversation from veering toward them.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

I cringingly made a "That's what she said" joke today to a manager. Apparently those are no longer funny

Bullshit. Those jokes are still funny if done at the right time. By right time, I mean all the time.

 

[Fijeeto]

I swear this is the only joke I seem to know:

What's the best way to get a jewish girl's number?

Spoiler

Lift up her sleeve.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

This is my favorite joke.

A white guy and a black guy are in a foot race down a tunnel. Who wins?




The white guy. Because the black guy has to stop to spray paint “motherfucker” on the side of the tunnel.


I don’t know why I like that one so much. I guess because it’s oddly specific.

 

[elreece]

What do you call a black pilot?

Spoiler

A pilot you racist cunt.

 

[Robocok]

What do you call a kitty at the beach on Christmas?

Spoiler

Sandy Claws

 

[MaureenCretis]

Why did the baker have smelly fingers?

Because he needed (kneaded) a shit.

 

[Naught2Sixty]

What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They're both close enough to smell it but if they eat it they'll get fired.