So I finally finished losing everything

[BigSexy444]

You are such a feelgood treasure. We need to keep you around for funerals.

<45>

I edited my post to include

"I have plenty of friends and intimate relationships still but I have much more realistic expectations about them going in."

I actually probably have more friends now than I ever have but they are what I'd classify as acquaintances before. I think the unrealistic fantasy expectations was the problem, not the actual people.

 

[Goonerview]

I'm in my 40s now and haven't formed any sort of new meaningful relationship in over a decade now. I live somewhere strange, that I have no personal connection too. I'm too burned out and fucked up mentally and physically to even do the work I moved out here to do anymore. I'm sick AF and injured and mentally fucking unwell.

I dunno. I just don't know anymore. Whatever I decide to do next, I'm sure it'll be wrong.

Sorry to hear that, man.

 

[Halifax]

You are such a feelgood treasure. We need to keep you around for funerals.

I think we have established over history that tough love > coddling feel good rhetoric. As evidenced by the last 15 years of new workers on the workforce being raised in the "everyone is special" and "congratz on 19th place" school system

 

[Cole train]

I agree with brandon guy about merchant ship thing

Feel it would suit you character wise when it comes to employment

 

[SammyPops]

I'm in my 40s now and haven't formed any sort of new meaningful relationship in over a decade now. I live somewhere strange, that I have no personal connection too. I'm too burned out and fucked up mentally and physically to even do the work I moved out here to do anymore. I'm sick AF and injured and mentally fucking unwell.

I dunno. I just don't know anymore. Whatever I decide to do next, I'm sure it'll be wrong.

You should ef talk to a professional. Get your head straight.

Not sure your physical state and job so cant really talk about that.

 

[ICHEERTHEBULL]

All I can really say is I hope things improve for you Sherbro. There’s still good honest people around, just harder to find as you get older and as for the traitors, well, beast you got them out of your life now then another 5 or 10 years down the line. Consider these hard times lessons that you will grow from. Focus on being the best damn you for the time being. All the best Mike

 

[PG29 red0 Jr]

What's the worst that could happen?

I just got back from Nam. I was hitchhiking through Oregon. Next thing I know there's a bunch of cops chasing after me through the woods! I had to take them all out, it was a bloodbath!

 

[AFanNotAFighter]

I just got back from Nam. I was hitchhiking through Oregon. Next thing I know there's a bunch of cops chasing after me through the woods! I had to take them all out, it was a bloodbath!

Did you cry at the end like a baby?

 

[deucesarewild]

Some of you are aware of my general situation. About five years ago I moved out here for work with my best and last remaining friend. Great success on the finding work, but not much else is working out.

Anyways the first couple years after I moved here I was living on my own. I was struggling, my friend was struggling, so me and him and his family started renting a house together. We've been doing that for three years now. Well some shit popped off and I ended up moving out. I find the way shit played out pretty unforgivable. His wife is a cunt, and her family are the only people I really associate with other than my friend. So my entire small social circle is gone now.

My pseudo family that I've spent every holiday and special occasion with for the last 5 years. And my best friend since 2007. The only thing that's really been a consistent and stable part of my life for the last 15 years. Gone. I've been through so much loss, abandonment, and betrayal that it's basically no big deal now. Never trust anyone or get particularly close to anyone anymore. But this shit stilll stings. I thought I'd already lost everything I could lose. I didn't think I could really lose the last person that gives a shit about me. I'm more mad at myself for ever thinking I can trust anyone or rely on them in any way. Shoulda known better by now.

You should get into table top RPG's (with the dice). Instant crew of people who will care about you. No lies.

 

[Alphaboy]

You and @Brampton_Boy have like the most interesting backstories.

Anyway, sorry to hear. Hindsight is 20/20, but this is why you shouldn't ever put all of your chips in one basket.

You're back to square one, but 15 years wiser more mature... you will bounce back from this and progress. Allow yourself to be upset for a little bit, then shake it off and grind!

I take it you don't have any family?

 

[Oris79]

It's only when you've lost everything that you're truly free to do anything .....

 

[THE Red Beard]

Haha ok. Actually I tend to blame myself for everything that ever goes wrong. But there's always another chance to feel like shit, so thanks.

I don't think (I'm speaking for his so I could be wrong) that he meant it to make you feel like shit. I took it as we drive our own car. I disliked a lotr of the aspects of my life and I made some consciousable choices to change those aspects. We are all works in progress, but it is unhealthy to view your life through a lens of doom and gloom. You need to continually put yourself in positions where success are an opportunity. The more you do that, the higher the probability is that you will begin to find more success. Momentum is a real thing, but nobody will give it to you. It is about having a bit of optimism and getting up when life knocks you down. I'm sorry you are going through it, but it certainly can get better if you consistently focus on good opportunities.

 

[Renard]

I guarantee you you’re subconsciously creating the bad situations you find yourself into. When kids are neglected or abused, as adults they tend to associate with people who don’t treat them well because it feels familiar or "right" in some way. When people treat them well, they get uncomfortable and wary ("What’s the catch?" sort of thinking), experience impostor syndrome, don’t know how to react or reciprocate properly and end up rejecting those good people and only keeping the familiar bad people around. In the event they find some good people, whenever a conflict arises the person with a negative background might see the conflict as relationship-ending instead of trying to work it out with communication skills, which is what well-adjusted people do, which also ends up in the relationship ending. Your interpretation ends up being "All people are bad", i.e. a reinforcement of the initial trauma and the maladaptive beliefs that came from it, when it’s fact it’s you that’s creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

There are certain borderlines that are introspective, but I’ve never seen them be introspective in a constructive way. It’s more like wallowing and going over the same bad ideas over and over again. At the end of the day you have to realize that you have a very serious mental health diagnosis which won’t get better unless you’re willing to challenge your beliefs and change your way of seeing the world in a radical way. Unless you're willing to take responsibility for your own life, in a constructive way not in a wallowing in pity sort of way, you're not going to get anywhere nice.

 

[syct23]

In this thread,

It’s basically no big deal now…

 

[empsim]

You planning on funding his flight and first month's rent? I've been lucky moving abroad, have you?

No, that's why I said save some money. It's not that hard.

Moving abroad isn't as big of a deal as many people make it. He's not happy and has nothing keeping him where he currently lives. No reason to stay there, go experience something else. You can still go back later.

 

[x9lonewolf]

Keep on punching, @Mike! We are rooting for ya, dude!

 

[Bornstarch]

This would be perfect for you. Click on "Any Entry Level" at the bottom and apply

Don't be discouraged by the salary that's posted. They add so much extra shit on top of that. It's a federal government job, you'll have more money than you'll know what to do with AND pension after 10 years. And you get to travel around the world, meet new people.

Apply and they'll send you to get drug tested, once you pass that, they'll fly you to Virginia, then to New York where you get to choose if you want to work in the Pacific Fleet or Atlantic Fleet. Pacific Fleet you get to travel around Asia. Japan, Guam, Thailand, etc... Atlantic Fleet, you get to travel around Europe such as Spain, UK, etc..

Everything is free. EVERYTHING. You won't know what to do with your money.

https://sealiftcommand.com/

 

[SalvadorAllende]

I might not be the best person to give advice to you since I'm kind of the opposite.

But what works for me is not to take things seriously and avoid conflict. Not giving a fuck is an underrated art.

The thing that affects my mental state the most is sleep. My energy is completely different depending on how my night went.

 

[mkess101]

Yeah I get how it would look like that. I was actually off in my own place doing my own thing. They approached me and asked me to move in. I was on the fence until my buddy told me privately they really couldn't afford it without me. So it was truly a mutually beneficial arrangement. At the time anyway.

If this is true (and there's no reason to think you wouldn't be telling the truth) then the wife's behavior is deplorable. It would be bad either way, but it's WAY worse given that you moved in to try to help them.

I don't know you much. Only interacted with you here a few times, but you seem like a good dude.

Do whatever you can to not let despair control you. Sit outside in the sun. Seems trite, but there's science that says Vitamin D helps regulate brain chemistry and people are in better moods when they spend time in the sun.

Talk to a therapist too if you cab find a way to swing it. They advertise a lot now where you can do a zoom session pretty cheap. I can't remember the site but I'm sure a quick Google would find it.

Finally, don't give up on humanity. Seems like you've had about as bad a run as is possible when it comes to being let down by others. And sure, maybe you've played a role too but at this point that's irrelevant. Look forward, and know there are good people out there that will care if they get to know you. That aren't only out for themselves. It probably seems hard to believe that right now but it's true.

Don't give up hope. Hope is the last thing to die. If you cab keep hope, you have a shot at pulling out of the tailspin and getting enjoyment from life.

 

[gspieler]

Have you thought about going somewhere totally different and starting a life totally anew?

Go to an island in the Caribbean, find a local hotty and chill on the beach. Get a camper van and road trip around the country. Live with a hippy commune for a few months. Trip balls on shrooms in a desert. Go to Alaska and work at a national park. I don't know. I'm just spitballing ideas.

Maybe my position in life isn't as bad, but I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm in a situation where I feel like I lost a lot in terms of my social relationships and physical and mental health, and I think about going somewhere totally different from what I'm used to. I'm really flirting with the idea of going to central asia to be alone in the middle of nowhere for awhile. Get a new perspective. Clear my mind. Feel the dirt between my fingers and breathe in air from the mountains.

Your post seems like it's in good faith. But all of those things require significant start-up costs. Unfortunately, going to the Caribbean and banging hotties on the beach isn't always an option.