So I finally finished losing everything

[blackheart]

Sorry to hear this man.

Just keep pushing forward. One step at a time. One day at a time. Stay focused on the micro, don't let yourself get consumed by the enormity of what you're going through

On November 21, 2021 I found my little bro deceased from an od. After begging my family for 4 years to intervene and help him. They didn't listen. 6 months later my sister calls me up to tell me she doesn't like anything about me and wants nothing to do with me. Her, her kids, her sisters and mom were basically my only family. 2 months after that I moved cities to propose to my best friend of 17 years. We had a long running promise to get married if we were single in our 30s. She cut me out of her life and never spoke to me again. I spent my entire life savings to move here and get her a nice ring. She was the person that I trusted more than any other on earth.

That was almost a year ago now. I'm broke. Thousands in debt because I doubled my housing costs to move here. I joined a local mma gym. I go to boxing/bjj/muay thai on a near daily basis and hope to be fighting soon. If I didn't join a gym I don't know how I would have avoided suicide. Every day for months and months I was completely consumed by self hatred and intensively negative thoughts. Joining this gym gave me something extremely difficult to focus on each day, which kept my mind off of myself. It also gave me brotherhood and plugged me into a big group of guys (and some cute girls).

Idk if any of that helped. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know what it's like to feel completely alone. But you're always just a few short decisions away from not being alone. Keep moving forward bro.

 

[djacobox372]

Focus on yourself, build a life that others want to be part of.

Build it and they will come.

 

[Goldentrophy]

Sorry to hear this man.

Just keep pushing forward. One step at a time. One day at a time. Stay focused on the micro, don't let yourself get consumed by the enormity of what you're going through

On November 21, 2021 I found my little bro deceased from an od. After begging my family for 4 years to intervene and help him. They didn't listen. 6 months later my sister calls me up to tell me she doesn't like anything about me and wants nothing to do with me. Her, her kids, her sisters and mom were basically my only family. 2 months after that I moved cities to propose to my best friend of 17 years. We had a long running promise to get married if we were single in our 30s. She cut me out of her life and never spoke to me again. I spent my entire life savings to move here and get her a nice ring. She was the person that I trusted more than any other on earth.

That was almost a year ago now. I'm broke. Thousands in debt because I doubled my housing costs to move here. I joined a local mma gym. I go to boxing/bjj/muay thai on a near daily basis and hope to be fighting soon. If I didn't join a gym I don't know how I would have avoided suicide. Every day for months and months I was completely consumed by self hatred and intensively negative thoughts. Joining this gym gave me something extremely difficult to focus on each day, which kept my mind off of myself. It also gave me brotherhood and plugged me into a big group of guys (and some cute girls).

Idk if any of that helped. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know what it's like to feel completely alone. But you're always just a few short decisions away from not being alone. Keep moving forward bro.

Thanks for sharing the story of coming up from rock bottom, a lot of you posters don't know how much these shared stories help for motivation and to see light can be at the end of the tunnel.

 

[snowbro]

Find a heavy bag then make it your bitch. If money situation is going ok for you, then great you haven't lost everything. Do you got a kitchen? Buy a fat juicy steak preferably a t-bone or ribeye, get some sweet potatoes and some mushrooms and a zucchini and a stick of butter and a tub of ice cream. Gorge then sit and have a coffee after enjoying the loveliness of the amazing foods we have access to in this day and age. After that, get comfortable being your own friend. Make a decision of what's important to you. The drama free life of solitude, or the drama filled wild life of interacting with other humans full of complex emotions. Do a hybrid! Be comfortable in solitude, but open to friends with the understanding that just because you give loyalty to your amigos, doesn't mean you can hold them to the same regard. Lower your expectations

 

[Aegon Spengler]

Some of you are aware of my general situation. About five years ago I moved out here for work with my best and last remaining friend. Great success on the finding work, but not much else is working out.

Anyways the first couple years after I moved here I was living on my own. I was struggling, my friend was struggling, so me and him and his family started renting a house together. We've been doing that for three years now. Well some shit popped off and I ended up moving out. I find the way shit played out pretty unforgivable. His wife is a cunt, and her family are the only people I really associate with other than my friend. So my entire small social circle is gone now.

My pseudo family that I've spent every holiday and special occasion with for the last 5 years. And my best friend since 2007. The only thing that's really been a consistent and stable part of my life for the last 15 years. Gone. I've been through so much loss, abandonment, and betrayal that it's basically no big deal now. Never trust anyone or get particularly close to anyone anymore. But this shit stilll stings. I thought I'd already lost everything I could lose. I didn't think I could really lose the last person that gives a shit about me. I'm more mad at myself for ever thinking I can trust anyone or rely on them in any way. Shoulda known better by now.

My instincts tell me that you are smart, and will find a way to another couple of high points before you die. Those points will make you happy you made it to them. That’s my prediction.

Be well friend and enjoy small things when you can. Sometimes the big stuff is just too much but there’s always the small stuff.

 

[Mike]

You are such a feelgood treasure. We need to keep you around for funerals.

He's right though. That's been my general experience throughout life. It's not bad advice. You shouldn't let people get too close or come to rely on people in a way where you think they are permanent. It's a lesson I already thought I learned but this was the only person I thought would never turn on me. I was wrong.

 

[Mike]

You and @Brampton_Boy have like the most interesting backstories.

Anyway, sorry to hear. Hindsight is 20/20, but this is why you shouldn't ever put all of your chips in one basket.

You're back to square one, but 15 years wiser more mature... you will bounce back from this and progress. Allow yourself to be upset for a little bit, then shake it off and grind!

I take it you don't have any family?

It's like the old chinese proverb, may you live in interesting times. I didn't talk to my family for ten years+ because they did some fucked up things to me. Grew up with a lot of abuse and neglect and my mom basically stopped giving a shit when she had my brother. My dad's dead, and my stepdad has never given a shit. Anyway they tracked me down in 2014 and asked me to come home and stay with them. Reconnect as a family, and I could stay there rent free while I worked on my degree.

About two years into that we got in an argument and they threw me out on the street in the middle of winter while I was broke. So we don't speak anymore.

 

[Mike]

@Mike

You're obviously going through a rough patch. We've all been there's at one point or another. Do you have any overacrching goals? E.g. career, relationships, bucket list items, etc?

I would take a little time to recenter; maybe go in a short trip somewhere just to get perspective. Then get a good daily routine established, make your home a place that's comforting, join a gym, then figure out what I want out of life, and get a viable plan how to get there. Just some random thoughts, though.

I did at one point but everything has been slowly going off the rails. First it was to get debt free and pay off my car. Then covid hit and the warehouse industry got fucked. The mandatory overtime never ended, and everything here was locked down for 2 years. So all there was to do was work. I was already too introverted anyway, so I adjusted easily to never meeting new people. Used to meet them at jobs, but I don't care for the people I meet at them lately. Not enough to associate in any way outside of work. I slowly sort of lost all thew hobbies that would take me out of the house to meet people, started spending more time in front of screens.

I guess in the back of my mind I had my friend, and his wifes family. Which I'm sure is weird to people, but I don't have any family. And her parents treated me like part of the family and invite me for every holiday and send me birthday cards and stuff. Nobody else ever even remembers my birthday. So I guess I got used to these people being around and thought hey no matter how isolated I get otherwise, I have this extended network of people to hang out with. I never imagined being completely on my own out here.

And honestly the area is just gross. Most of the people I meet are obvious shady drifters, prostitutes, drug addicts etc. I met a few cool people in the warehouses but those friendships only lasted as long as the jobs did.

 

[Squintz]

This dude been in this worthless sac of a thread drowning in self pitty feeling sorry for himself for the last 12 hrs and this thread is filled with a bunch of enablers.

 

[Mike]

Sorry to hear this man.

Just keep pushing forward. One step at a time. One day at a time. Stay focused on the micro, don't let yourself get consumed by the enormity of what you're going through

On November 21, 2021 I found my little bro deceased from an od. After begging my family for 4 years to intervene and help him. They didn't listen. 6 months later my sister calls me up to tell me she doesn't like anything about me and wants nothing to do with me. Her, her kids, her sisters and mom were basically my only family. 2 months after that I moved cities to propose to my best friend of 17 years. We had a long running promise to get married if we were single in our 30s. She cut me out of her life and never spoke to me again. I spent my entire life savings to move here and get her a nice ring. She was the person that I trusted more than any other on earth.

That was almost a year ago now. I'm broke. Thousands in debt because I doubled my housing costs to move here. I joined a local mma gym. I go to boxing/bjj/muay thai on a near daily basis and hope to be fighting soon. If I didn't join a gym I don't know how I would have avoided suicide. Every day for months and months I was completely consumed by self hatred and intensively negative thoughts. Joining this gym gave me something extremely difficult to focus on each day, which kept my mind off of myself. It also gave me brotherhood and plugged me into a big group of guys (and some cute girls).

Idk if any of that helped. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know what it's like to feel completely alone. But you're always just a few short decisions away from not being alone. Keep moving forward bro.

Sorry to hear your going through similar stuff. There's a gym close to my place and job that I'm gonna join. I have bad social anxiety so I really only meet the people that approach me. But I'm going to try to find ways to get out more/ Hope things are going better for you now.

 

[Mike]

Part of what makes this fucked up for me, is in 2019 my buddy left his wife and came and slept on my couch for like 6+ months. Really was not convenient for me, and he ended up using my place as a satellite apartment to cheat on his wife. And I took my share of the heat for all that because well it's my friend, I couldn't put him on the streets. Then as soon I'm inconvenient in some way.... bam. Makes no sense to me. Oh well.

 

[Mike]

This dude been in this worthless sac of a thread drowning in self pitty feeling sorry for himself for the last 12 hrs and this thread is filled with a bunch of enablers.

I'm sorry my life unravelling is so hard for you. I'll pray you find the strength to overcome clicking on this thread of your own free will.

 

[Streeter]

Find a way to unselfishly help other people while expecting nothing in return. When I am going thru the ringer I find of you drop all thoughts of self and focus on helping others good things begin to happen n before I know I have picked myself up. Just my experience

 

[Morning Star]

I wish I could give you some great life changing advice but I can only go from experience. I think in your position I'd come up with a few goals. I think I recall you saying you worked your way out of debt. An admirable goal. Having goals gives you some purpose. I think finding a hobby that gives you satisfaction can help you to find new friends. Whether it's an educational, health, or simply a fun pursuit that can help you in meeting like-minded friends. You're a decent thoughtful person from everything I've seen of you. Don't lose yourself even if others don't appreciate it.

 

[Err]

As vapid as it probably sounds, if you haven’t already, get jacked. Put absolutely every ounce of yourself into getting swole and I bet things will start going right for you.

 

[Mike]

Nearby casino has $12 pizzas so that's pretty legit.

 

[TheNinja]

We got your back man!!

 

[Cielo_]

It’s because you’re not doing anything with your life.

Living with a family and quitting your shit job that a monkey could do because you are mentally drained is not a way to gain respect. Especially when you just sit at home and smoke weed and complain when a teenager steals it.

You need to find a purpose, something to challenge you. Maybe branch out and find a higher paying job with more responsibilities.

 

[eddymotto]

I did at one point but everything has been slowly going off the rails. First it was to get debt free and pay off my car. Then covid hit and the warehouse industry got fucked. The mandatory overtime never ended, and everything here was locked down for 2 years. So all there was to do was work. I was already too introverted anyway, so I adjusted easily to never meeting new people. Used to meet them at jobs, but I don't care for the people I meet at them lately. Not enough to associate in any way outside of work. I slowly sort of lost all thew hobbies that would take me out of the house to meet people, started spending more time in front of screens.

I guess in the back of my mind I had my friend, and his wifes family. Which I'm sure is weird to people, but I don't have any family. And her parents treated me like part of the family and invite me for every holiday and send me birthday cards and stuff. Nobody else ever even remembers my birthday. So I guess I got used to these people being around and thought hey no matter how isolated I get otherwise, I have this extended network of people to hang out with. I never imagined being completely on my own out here.

And honestly the area is just gross. Most of the people I meet are obvious shady drifters, prostitutes, drug addicts etc. I met a few cool people in the warehouses but those friendships only lasted as long as the jobs did.

I am sorry to hear about all the things you have been through.

I haven't been through this same stuff as you have and I won't claim to have any words of wisdom. It is shit that so many people have let you down.

But I can say that you always come across as a really emphatic guy in this forum and I hope that you show yourself that some of that same empathy.

I wish that I had more to write but really I am just wishing you the best and I hope that you get some good luck in your life soon.

 

[Kardashians]

I feel ya bruh. I currently have nobody. It’s fukkin wild. Past four years and every single good friend I had dropped dead, and I’ve had to put down all of my animals. The death of my last rabbit (on July 4th) broke me finally. Only for a couple days later to wake up to a phone call of another dead friend whose body was, uh, anyways. If I’m not in a rage fit I’m in a crying fit. The mood swings of grief. Got myself into some pickles right now by not functioning right which got me stressing on top of everything else.

Anyways, have an appointment on the 9th with a doctor. I’m angry right now so my optimism is low lmao. I probably need to go stab some things.

<Oku02>

Good luck Mike. Surely things can only get better from here. I guess they can always stagnate too. Hmm. At the very least I hope your casino pizzas are nice xx