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lord yeshua, thats a scary motherfucker
Opinion Which US president was the most badass?
- Thread starter SakurabasEar
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Sure...
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Well, just give us a brief overview. Only one paragraph or so.
Who were the secret societies JFK exposed and where is your proof they were involved in his murder?
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Nah. Don't feel like it.
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Dick tuck noted.
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Sure.
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Yes, there is still a river named after him deep in the Amazon, which is where he explored 1913-1914
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BTW, if anyone is ever on Long Island, I'd highly recommend visiting Sagamore Hill. They have a little museum next to Teddy's house and you get a tour of his house. Super interesting and good idea for a day trip. Dead animals everywhere lol.
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Has to be someone who didn’t get killed while serving and didn’t lose an election. I got Obama
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I recently reread a Cracked article on the subject and figured I would put it to a vote here. I made some minor adjustments to summerize and added better pictures. Link to the original article is here: https://www.cracked.com/article_15895_cracked-classic-the-5-most-badass-presidents-of-all-time.html
5: Andrew Jackson
When the 1828 election rolled around, a lot of people were terrified when they heard Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson was running. If you're wondering how a guy we're calling a bad ass got such a lame nickname, it's because he used to carry a hickory cane around and beat people senseless with it, and if you're wondering why he did that, it's because he was a fucking lunatic.
Beat his assassin:
Andrew Jackson was the first president on whom an assassination attempt was made. A man named Richard Lawrence approached Jackson with two pistols both of which, for some reason, misfired. With the possibility of an assassination taken off the table, Jackson proceeded to beat Lawrence near death.
QUOTE:
"I have only two regrets: I didn't shoot Henry Clay and I didn't hang John C. Calhoun."
That's right. In a life rich with murdering people for little-to-no reason, Jackson's only regret was that he didn't kill quite enough people. People like Calhoun who, it should be noted, was Jackson's vice president
4: JFK
Plagued with a bad back his entire life, Kennedy was disqualified from service in the army. Instead of using this as an excuse to pursue the decidedly more sane strategy of staying the fuck away from explody things, Kennedy had his dad pull a few strings so he could sneak his way into the navy, where he eventually became a lieutenant.
Nailed countless women:
While almost no two sources are in agreement as to just how much tail Kennedy snagged, historian John Richard Stephens says that "Kennedy confided with friends that he could only be satisfied with three women a day."
JFK's sexual conquests allegedly include Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Jayne Mansfield, Angie Dickenson, Brazilian actress Florinda Bolkan, famous burlesque stripper, and rap name pioneer Blaze Starr. There are even rumors that he also had sex with his insanely hot wife once in a while too.
War Hero:
In August of 1943, while serving as skipper of the PT-109, Kennedy's boat was ripped in two by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri. Kennedy and his crew were tossed into the water and surrounded by flames. Kennedy, despite a chronic back injury and an even more chronic boning-induced-exhaustion, managed to swim four hours to safety while towing an injured crewman by the life jacket strap with his teeth
3: John Quincy Adams
With his father away from home most of the time busying himself with the rebel cause, Adams, at age eight, was the man of the house. As if ensuring the safety and prosperity of an entire house before you even hit puberty isn't daunting enough, Adams had to do it all during a fucking war. He, in fact, often talked about watching the battle of Bunker Hill from his front porch, constantly worried about being, as he wrote in his diary, "butchered in cold blood, or taken and carried...as hostages by any foraging or marauding detachment of British soldiers." Remember when you were eight and you worried about missing Pokemon? Yeah. If you're feeling, perhaps, a little wet right now, it's because the ghost of an eight year old John Quincy Adams is pissing all over you as you read this.
Great shape:
Adams also maintained a strict, Rocky-like regiment of constant exercise that included a swift swim across the Potomac every morning. Even at 58 years old, Adams could reportedly swim the width of the Potomac in an hour. Also, the nudity; Adams famously exercised and swam nude, presumably, in case he ever came across some emergency that needed immediate boning while out exercising
Pet Alligator:
Also, since we're talking about ridiculous things that JQA did that have nothing to do with being president, he kept a pet alligator in the East Wing of the White House. That actually probably came in handy for some of that shrewd negotiating
QUOTE:
"The art of making love, muffled up in furs, in the open air, with the thermometer at Zero, is a Yankee invention."
2: George Washington
As described by Thomas Jefferson, George Washington "was naturally irritable" and when his temper "broke its bonds, he was most tremendous in his wrath." One time, in fact, he became "much inflamed got into one of those passions when he cannot command himself." Witnesses agreed that, after these sudden bursts of rage, Washington generally became calm and amiable again. Sound like anyone you know? Anyone, incredible, perhaps? (It's the Incredible Hulk.) The Iroquois Indians affectionately nicknamed Washington "Caunotaucarius," which translates to either "Town Destroyer" or "Devourer of Villages." We were really hoping it translated to "One Who, (When Angry), You Will Not Like" so we'd have more evidence for this whole Incredible Hulk thing, but "Town Destroyer" is pretty cool too, we guess.
Fought in the front:
Washington was always at the frontlines in any of the many battles he took part in and there are countless stories of Washington returning from battle with bullet holes in his uniform, or without a horse, (it having been shot from under him), but he always remained unharmed. As a general, he believed, (like the always-screaming Leonidas), in the strength of small numbers. Typically both a loner and rebel, Washington preferred a small band of dedicated warriors over large armies any day of the week and he won plenty of battles when the odds were decidedly not in his favor. He once wrote that "Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak, and esteem to all."
Quote:
"I heard the bullets whistle and, believe me, there is something charming to the sound of bullets."
1: Teddy "The Trust Buster" Roosevelt
He was a cattle rancher, a deputy sheriff, an explorer, a police commissioner, the assistant Secretary of the Navy, the governor of New York, and a war hero. Out of all of his jobs, hobbies and passions, Roosevelt always had a special spot in his heart for unadulterated violence. In 1898, Roosevelt formed the first U.S. Volunteer Cavalry Regiment, known as the Rough Riders. Most people already know of the Rough Riders and their historic charge up San Juan Hill, but few know that, since their horses had to be left behind, the Riders made this charge entirely on foot. You just could not stop this man from violencing the hell out of a San Juan Hill.
Boxer, Jujitsu, Armed at all times:
He strolled through the White House with a pistol on his person at all times, though, with his black belt in jujitsu and his history as a champion boxer he didn't need it
-Kept a bear and a lion at the White House as pets
Roosevelt received letters from army cavalrymen complaining about having to ride 25 miles a day for training and, in response, Teddy rode horseback for 100 miles, from sunrise to sunset, at 51 years old, effectively rescinding anyone's right to complain about anything, ever again.
Delivered speech after getting shot:
While campaigning for a third term, Roosevelt was shot by a madman and, instead of treating the wound, delivered his campaign speech with the bleeding, undressed bullet hole in his chest
QUOTE:
"Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight."
Joe mumbles I mean Biden.the moron who started ww3.
I hope everyone's packing their nuclear under wear for the draft.
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Teddy was also the first American to receive a black belt in Judo
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Eh... I know he trained but not enough to be well versed with the 3/4 sleeves that they wore back then, imo.
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Definitely Teddy, but was it Lyndon Johnson who's dick was so big he played golf with it?
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Dude was doing MMA in the white house in like 1905.
"I still box with Grant, who has now become the champion middleweight wrestler of the United States. Yesterday afternoon we had Professor Yamashita up here to wrestle with Grant. It was very interesting, but of course jiu jitsu and our wrestling are so far apart that is it difficult to make any comparison between them. Wrestling is simply a sport with rules almost as conventional as those of tennis, while jiu jitsu is really meant for practice in killing or disabling our adversary. In consequence, Grant did not know what to do except to put Yamashita on his back, and Yamashita was perfectly content to be on his back. Inside of a minute Yamashita had choked Grant, and inside two minutes more he got an elbow hold on him that would have enabled him to break his arm; so that there is no question but that he could have put Grant out. So far this made it evident that the jiu jitsu man could handle the ordinary wrestler. But Grant, in the actual wrestling and throwing was about as good as the Japanese and he was so much stronger that he evidently hurt and wore out the Japanese. With a little practice in the art I am sure that one of our big wrestlers or boxers, simply because of his greatly superior strength, would be able to kill any of those Japanese, who though very good men for their inches and pounds are altogether too small to hold their own against big, powerful, quick men who are as well trained.”
