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After sherdog declared the elephant the #1 openweight living land animal on the planet, it's time to decide how the other top animals of the world rank. I will use a league system featuring 10 animals. Every animal fights each opponent once. The featured animals are:
White rinoceros, Hippopotamus, Silverback gorilla, Saltwater crocodile, Grizzly bear, Green anaconda, Giraffe, Bengal tiger, African buffalo, & Bull moose
Every match is fought in a 300 feet gladiator pit. There are no rules. The time limit is 60 minutes. After these 60 minutes are over, the judges might rule the match in favor of the animal that did more damage and is more likely to survive a fight to the death. If no participant is able to do significant damage to the opponent, the judges may rule the bout a draw.
The winner of the league will be the official sherdog #2 land animal in the world.
I will break down and declare the winner for every match-up each day. If you disagree with my conclusion and make a good point why the fight would play out differently (and/or provide some good sources), I may change the result of course.
Let's start with the first day and the five featured match-ups.
MATCHDAY 1
White rinoceros vs. Hippopotamus
White rinoceros
- height: 6.6 ft
- length: 15 ft
- weight: 5,000 lb
Hippopotamus
- height: 5.4 ft
- length: 16.6 ft
- weight: 4,400 lb
This is an interesting one. On paper, the rhino seems much more dangerous, but a match-up between these two is anything but one-sided. Hippos are much more aggressive and tend to pick fights other animals of their size would avoid. In nature, most rhinos would avoid a fight with a hippo, because killing a hippo is not worth the potential severity of damages to them, but in controlled circumstances with two animals who are willing to fight each other to death, most would consider the rhino the favorite. The hippo's key to win is their massive jaw. They can open their mouth wide enough to grab a rhino's head with it, but at the same time this leaves them wide open for a counter-strike with the rhino's horn. In most cases there isn't really a way for the hippo to avoid a first strike as soon as the rhino charges. The hippo has his chance after the rhino throws his first horn-strike by trying to maintain the close distance and grabbing his opponent's neck with the mouth. The rhino's more athletic build makes it hard for the hippo to get into a dominant position if it doesn't bite the rhino quickly enough, despite their shorter build they aren't the quicker species of these two. Since the hippo is most likely already injured after this first tussle, the rhino seems to be a plausible winner with a win percentage of atleast 80%.
Winner: White rinoceros
Silverback gorilla vs. Saltwater crocodile
Silverback gorilla
- height: 6'4''
- length: 6'6''
- weight: 500 lb
Saltwater crocodile
- height: 21''
- length: 22'
- weight: 3,000 lb
Probably the weirdest match-up of this round. The gorilla gets completely dwarfed by its opponent and despite being a little more agile, it's really difficult to find a weak spot in the crocodile skin. The gorilla has no realistic chance to hurt his opponent, his only possibility to win would be to tire the crocodile compleltely out a try to crush its head later on. So at best the gorilla survives long enough to declare this a draw, while constantly trying to avoid death. S, since crocodiles are predators and have great reflexes, I don't see the gorilla surviving this one longer than maybe 10 minutes, making the chance for a draw even less likely. I don't see the gorilla out-smarting a crocodile in a life-and-death situation.
Winner: Saltwater crocodile
Grizzly vs. Green anaconda
Grizzly bear
- height: 5'
- length: 7'
- weight: 700 lb
Green anaconda
- height: -
- length: 17'
- weight: 500 lb
This is a very technical match-up between two fantastic but very different wrestlers. The question is: Can the anaconda get a grab on the bear before the bear starts to rip it apart? It's not easy to get a hold on the bear's legs and its torso is probably to large. As soon as the bear shoots in, the snake has only seconds to get a proper grip on the bear and squeeze it, probably while getting eaten alive in the process. The bear's teeth and paws would be enough to severely injure the snake within seconds. The snake also wouldn't be able to overpower such an opponent with its body, making it even harder for it to use its choking abilities. I think this is a safe win for the bear, who would tear the snake apart withing seconds.
Winner: Grizzly bear
Giraffe vs. Bengal tiger
Giraffe
- height: 17'
- length: 8'
- weight: 4,000 lb
Bengal tiger
- height: 50''
- length: 3'7''
- weight: 600 lb
Less of a fantasy match-up and more of a realistic case, giraffes are quite known for charging and stomping down cat predators. Despite the giraffe winning most of the encounters with big cats, there are still cases of a single lion killing a giraffe, although this doesn't happen often. A bengal tiger's key to win is to early attack with a jump, targeting the giraffe's neck. As soon as the giraffe gets too close and starts to stomp onto the tiger, it's set to win. The first wave of stomps will take its toll on the tiger, making it harder to counter in a seconds charge between these two. It wouldn't take long for the tiger to suffer from serious injuries or to give up. Within three close encounters, the giraffe should have won this fight. Maybe the tiger manages to hang longer, but it wouldn't be a threat to the giraffe as soon as it's hurt. The giraffe should win this 90%
Winner: Giraffe
African buffalo vs. Bull moose
African buffalo
- height: 5'6''
- length: 11'2''
- weight: 2,000 lb
Bull moose
- height: 7'6''
- length: 10'2''
- weight: 1,800 lb
My favorite pairing of the day, these two are probably the most underrated fighters of their size. The styles of these two genereally favor the buffalo, which just needs one good 30mph ram to injure the moose. If the first strike doesn't land, the moose has its chance to use its legs and stalk the buffalo, so that it doesn't create enough space for a second charge. The moose could not only use its legs to land devastating kicks, it also can use the tines to attack the buffalo chest or abdomen to deliver a potentially mortal wound. Any of those attacks would it leave open for another attack by the bison though. The moose has to try to outsmart its enemy, while the buffalo's best weapon is its ruthless aggression. If the buffalo doesn't end this quickly, the moose has to put on a much more strategical and gameplan-oriented fight. Every blow the moose takes, it's chances to land a good attack decrease significantly.
Winner: African buffalo
Table after day 1 of 9:
How the fuck do you think a crocodile is going to hurt anything when they can barely kill gazelle without a deep enough pool to drown them in.
I take a gorilla in this battle.