Any body ever dealt with someone with dementia?

My grandma had it. She also forgot who I was. If anything is left that can make her laugh, or smile, you can go back to that again and again. But it’s hard to find anything, and it can change. Comfort of a small kind is the best you can provide, so you do that as much as possible.

When they pass away, in my opinion, it’s still worse to lose them. Losing them is harder than caring for them, just my opinion.
 
Aegon Spengler said:
My grandma had it. She also forgot who I was. If anything is left that can make her laugh, or smile, you can go back to that again and again. But it’s hard to find anything, and it can change. Comfort of a small kind is the best you can provide, so you do that as much as possible.

When they pass away, in my opinion, it’s still worse to lose them. Losing them is harder than caring for them, just my opinion.
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With dementia it's like you lose them every day. I took care of my father. I had to move in with him the last two years of his life. Dementia ran in his family and I'll probably have it too if I live long enough. He knew it was probably coming and had all of legal work ready like power of attorney and medical power of attorney advanced directive etc. His started out as not being able to come up with the right word for things. He would laugh it off. He would be talking about something then wander off the subject like Trump does in his speeches.

At the end he wanted to go home and he didn't recognize the house that he and my mother had built and lived in was home. His mind seemed to go back to his childhood. One of his sisters was the same way but she lived in the house she was born in. Her and her husband took over the family farm. When she insisted on going home, her husband would tell her he was taking her home and take her for a ride in the car for about 30 minutes and tell her she was home when they got in the driveway.

I hired people to stay with him during the day while I was at work and he was able to sneak out of the house a couple of times on them. I put chimes on the doors so they would know when one was opened. When he wandered away, the police found him and the county got involved. They wanted a "placement" for him in a care home. He had to spend a few days in one when he got a bladder infection. They had an ankle monitor on him that was supposed to set off an alarm if he left the ward but somehow he got outside without setting it off. A visitor found him in the parking lot. I stayed nights and weekends with him for 2 years. One day he didn't want to eat or drink anymore and he had advance directive specifying no feeding tubes or intravenous fluids. He made it 4 days after that before dying as he slept.
 
Berserker13 said:
Any Guidance or advice?
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It's tough and I feel for you. I haven't directly, in terms of anyone that I know but I volunteered at an old age home in junior high and it was sad when they'd think you're their grandkid coming to visit or if you interact with one and then the next day they don't remember you.
 
Yeah and it's awful. It's varies to degrees, but in all cases seems to get worse over time. The person I know with it almost burned her house down twice with everyone there leaving the stove on and wandered off multiple times before her kids worked out a plan for her to live with them and rotate house to house every month or so.

I second what others have said about not taking things personal when they go on rants. You need the patience of a saint. It also helps to play mind games to get them to do what they should. Like if they won't take a shower, but then rant how they're going out to dance with their husband who's been dead for 10 years, it's a good time to ask them if they want to be clean for when they go out and how they should take a shower 1st. This works sometimes.

But unless you or whoever lives with them can keep them under watch 24/7, eventually they'll probably need to go in an assisted living center.
 
They'll have good days and bad days. It's like they can be close to their normal selves and then either a zombie or a completely different person the next time you see them.

Just don't take anything they say personal because their brain is basically mush at that point.

I remember my grandma being extremely paranoid that a Mexican woman had broke into the garage and was having litters of children.
 
Berserker13 said:

Symptoms​

Dementia symptoms vary depending on the cause. Common symptoms include:

Cognitive changes​

  • Memory loss, which is usually noticed by someone else.
  • Problems communicating or finding words.
  • Trouble with visual and spatial abilities, such as getting lost while driving.
  • Problems with reasoning or problem-solving.
  • Trouble performing complex tasks.
  • Trouble with planning and organizing.
  • Poor coordination and control of movements.
  • Confusion and disorientation.

Psychological changes​

  • Personality changes.
  • Depression.
  • Anxiety.
  • Agitation.
  • Inappropriate behavior.
  • Being suspicious, known as paranoia.
  • Seeing things that aren't there, known as hallucinations.
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Shit, I already have those symptoms <Grimes01>
 
My uncle was just diagnosed with it. Do not brush off the things that they say. It will obviously never make sense the worse their dementia gets but letting them know you think everything they say is nonsense will only cause to stay silent about most things. Just simply listen to them and do your best to understand.
If your family member has other health issues like my uncle then any extra bad news may be met with denial. My uncle started to refuse to go to appointments as my mom couldn’t help but tell him exactly why he was going to each of them. I had to convince her to be vague about the details as my uncle wouldn’t be able to keep track of why he had to go to all of his appointments. The whole ignorance is bliss approach.
Unfortunately it’s only going to get worse the longer they live.
 
Generally, get comfortable with lying, repeating yourself and roll with it. If they start telling you about the time they where in Paris, just nod and agree.

If they tell you their long dead mother came by for a visit just say..that must have been nice.

As it advances, and it will advance, they need to be in a locked down unit. It sucks, but the person you knew is leaving, or is gone already, and if you could reason with them before, you can't now.
 
ralphc1 said:
With dementia it's like you lose them every day. I took care of my father. I had to move in with him the last two years of his life. Dementia ran in his family and I'll probably have it too if I live long enough. He knew it was probably coming and had all of legal work ready like power of attorney and medical power of attorney advanced directive etc. His started out as not being able to come up with the right word for things. He would laugh it off. He would be talking about something then wander off the subject like Trump does in his speeches.

At the end he wanted to go home and he didn't recognize the house that he and my mother had built and lived in was home. His mind seemed to go back to his childhood. One of his sisters was the same way but she lived in the house she was born in. Her and her husband took over the family farm. When she insisted on going home, her husband would tell her he was taking her home and take her for a ride in the car for about 30 minutes and tell her she was home when they got in the driveway.

I hired people to stay with him during the day while I was at work and he was able to sneak out of the house a couple of times on them. I put chimes on the doors so they would know when one was opened. When he wandered away, the police found him and the county got involved. They wanted a "placement" for him in a care home. He had to spend a few days in one when he got a bladder infection. They had an ankle monitor on him that was supposed to set off an alarm if he left the ward but somehow he got outside without setting it off. A visitor found him in the parking lot. I stayed nights and weekends with him for 2 years. One day he didn't want to eat or drink anymore and he had advance directive specifying no feeding tubes or intravenous fluids. He made it 4 days after that before dying as he slept.
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I am sorry you had to go through that. There are no words. Life can be a nightmare. I have seen it first hand as well.
 
Yes. It's terrible and will test every ounce of patience you have. If you ever get it, probably should seriously considering offing yourself
 
I work med/surg so I usually have 1-2 patients per night with dementia. Like people have been saying you need to be very patient especially when they fixate on things. Routine helps but there will be times where they will not sleep for a day or two, you can try to get them some exercise to wear them out but sometimes that will get them to the point they are at risk to fall because their body is worn out but their mind is racing somewhere in the past.
 
My grandmother has dementia. I have to tell her who I am every time I visit.

Fortunately it hasn't changed her personality. She's still the sweetest person you'd ever meet. But she's confused all the time and asks the same questions over and over, so I just answer her questions. Dozens of times if I have to. Each time as if it were the first time she asked.

And I do and say everything to reassure her that everything's fine.

Being confused all the time is stressful, like she sometimes worries that there won't be enough food to eat (she's reverting to her childhood where she lived through the great depression).

So I just reassure her that everything's fine, we're her family and we love her and she never has to worry about food or anything else. And she pretty much listens and goes along with wherever I take her and whatever I tell her to do.

I don't know how I would manage if she turned into a difficult combative person. I would still do my best, and try to treat her as the person I knew before. Because it's not her fault she's this way now.

But for someone who was always an asshole even before dementia? I guess I'd throw them in a home and occasionally visit. You reap what you sow.
 
My grandmother had Alzheimer's. Don't get mad at them, smile and make them as comfortable as possible. They might night recognize you but your sole purpose is to put a smile on their face because they won't know what the hell is happening.
 
The amount of bs that comes out of her mouth is astounding and then she tries to true around and judge my honesty

and honestly screw me over in every way possible...
 
My Grandfathers wife had it very bad the last few years of her life. She had been married to my grandfather for 30 years but would forget who he was and wouldn't believe they were married etc.

There didn't seem to be much you could do except be patient and roll with the punches.
 
Dealing with someone now.

It is like a Benjamin Button disease of the mind and competence. They are an adult but as it progresses they get more and more childlike in their abilities, then mentally like a toddler and so forth.

You might point out what are and are not hallucinations initially but eventually this will lead to mistrust and arguments if you continue to do so as it progresses.

Try to give them a laugh or happiness when you can. Music, photo albums, a walk outside etc. I take my mother's dog to visit her as often as I can. She never forgets him. Visits (at least early on) where they laugh or are socially engaged or at least present are usually stimulating for them.

Early on it's good to have a clock/calendar on display for them.

If you are caring for them yourself be aware that you may be the first they forget and that 'carer's fatigue' is very real. Make sure you monitor your own mental health as you do.

Do anything you can to avoid getting frustrated or angry with them. This is way harder than you expect at times.
 
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