BJJ Clingy Training partner

[Nepthu]

Just wrist lock him one time and he won’t be your friend anymore! Lol! I love Jiu Jitsu because you meet a lot of cool people but you can also meet some bad or weird people too. If he keeps annoying you even after you tell him I’d maybe think about just saying straight up I don’t want you harassing me about rolling with you anymore leave me alone lol and if he still doesn’t get it tell the coach you don’t wanna be paired up with him anymore

You make a good point. Since my hinting hasn't worked, I'll have to be direct.

Honestly, one of my friends in class complained about working with the same guy, so he used the can-opener several times just so the dude would stop rolling with him. It worked.

 

[Smato_rules]

You make a good point. Since my hinting hasn't worked, I'll have to be direct.

Honestly, one of my friends in class complained about working with the same guy, so he used the can-opener several times just so the dude would stop rolling with him. It worked.

I feel like you’re overreacting. You’re not gonna roll with him ever again and now you guys are neck cranking him? Fuck you guys bunch of prima donna white belts

 

[Thrawn33]

How many stripes does it take to recognize when someone is overly attached to you?

The problem is less about BJJ technique and more about social skills. Honestly, if you keep asking someone to roll, and they repeated say "No", why would you continue to ask EVERY class? If someone asks, "Are you avoiding me?" And I say, "Yes." Does that mean to keep approaching me?

I was commenting on the fact you felt the need to critize dudes lack of technique and abundance of belly fat all of which has zero to do with the problem at hand.

If you noticed I said by all means ask the coach or a darker belt to address mat etiquette or hygene issues before going White Belt mat bully on an older guy who might possibly have other issues that they know about but you dont.

 

[Nepthu]

I feel like you’re overreacting. You’re not gonna roll with him ever again and now you guys are neck cranking him? Fuck you guys bunch of prima donna white belts

Lol! It's interesting how people see things in different ways. I never said I'd never work with him. You added that. I just don't want to work with him every class. The bigger problem is why would you keep trying to work with people you outweighs by a sizeable amount when you have plenty of guys your size to roll with? How do you handle it when someone constantly bothers you? Just let them have their way?

 

[Nepthu]

I was commenting on the fact you felt the need to critize dudes lack of technique and abundance of belly fat all of which has zero to do with the problem at hand.

If you noticed I said by all means ask the coach or a darker belt to address mat etiquette or hygene issues before going White Belt mat bully on an older guy who might possibly have other issues that they know about but you dont.

I never suggested being a bully. You added that based on how my friend acted. Frankly, I cannot bully someone that much bigger than I am. Nor do I believe in bullying anyone. The belly fat is the exact reason why he outweighs me, so yes, it's part of the problem.

Under what circumstance is it ok in your mind for a smaller man to tell a larger man that he prefers to train with people his size?

Moreover, why is it that when I feel like someone keeps approaching me, keeps coming up to me on the matt and in the locker room, I'm the problem instead of the other person? Why can't people just leave me alone instead of insisting they will spend time with me whether I want it or not?

 

[Thrawn33]

I never suggested bullying anyone. That was my friends solution, and yes I thought it was mean.

I never suggested being a bully. You added that based on how my friend acted. Frankly, I cannot bully someone that much bigger than I am. Nor do I believe in bullying anyone.

However, why is it that when you feel like someone keeps bothering you, keeps coming up to you on the matt and in the locker room, you're the problem instead of the other person? Why can't people just leave me alone instead of insisting they will spend time with me whether I want it or not?

You're both middle aged men.

Ask him why. "Dude why are you always on me?"

What if he says: "you're the only one who doesn't hurt me"

 

[Nepthu]

You're both middle aged men.

Ask him why. "Dude why are you always on me?"

What if he says: "you're the only one who doesn't hurt me"

I'd say, " Sorry to hear that, but aren't there any guys your size who are a better match for you? I don't think you're the best matchup for me."

 

[ChickenBrother]

Moreover, why is it that when I feel like someone keeps approaching me, keeps coming up to me on the matt and in the locker room, I'm the problem instead of the other person? Why can't people just leave me alone instead of insisting they will spend time with me whether I want it or not?

It's probably you. If you didn't want the attention, you shouldn't have dressed so provocatively.

Being serious, unless other guy is being a total dick rolling partner i.e. face or neck cranking you, muscling the shit out of positions etc. and hurting you, I don't see the problem. From what you've described, his only offenses on the mat are being out of shape (which means he shouldn't be too strong), sucking at jiu jitsu (as most white belts do) and outweighing you by 50 lbs. Sure he may not be the "ideal" rolling partner for you but he can be part of a balanced breakfast.

If he's only 1 of 4 rolls, guys like that are great to work your guard game. As you develop your game, you should be rolling with different body types to test what works for you against them. Jiu jitsu is about problem solving.

 

[iwannabeadored]

Not to be a dick but as a two stripe WB you aren't in the best position to be critizing the guys technique or the fact he uses his size against you. Unless he's a dangerous spaz you should be using that opportunity to get better...and stay out from underneath.

Ripping on a 50 somethings gut isn't very cool either, motherfucker is on the mats trying to train...more than I can say for a lot of people.

Maybe dude wants to roll with another old guy because the youngins are smoking him.

That said if he does smell bad mention it to the dark belts.

And obviously if he is a creep, be an adult and say something to the coach.

Just something for you to think about about from another old dude.

You know I would agree with that if you’re young. Rolling in my teens and 20s I encourage people to train with everyone even the spaz. But in my 30s I’m way more careful. I don’t need to get hurt, I’m not trying to compete. And it just takes one idiot spaz to fuck up something in my back that puts me out

 

[Thrawn33]

You know I would agree with that if you’re young. Rolling in my teens and 20s I encourage people to train with everyone even the spaz. But in my 30s I’m way more careful. I don’t need to get hurt, I’m not trying to compete. And it just takes one idiot spaz to fuck up something in my back that puts me out

In my 40s here, I find most of the youngins are very respectful when you ask them to slow down, both before and during rolls. The hardest part with me for a long time was slowly ramping up to match their intensity, they start ramping up and next thing you know it's full speed.

Thankfully I have fixed that aspect.

IMO the more senior age or rank should decide the pace.

 

[Banana Tree's Nemesis]

A lot of the things you're describing are fairly common things and hardly problems but rather just annoyances. Those can only be solved by communication.

I don't know how many people attend the classes you're going to, but I don't think there are many gyms large enough to form weight groups for people to change their rolling partners in.
It's normal to roll with people of all shapes and sizes. If you're at the bottom end of the spectrum you won't have a choice but rolling with heavier people. Vice versa for the top end of the spectrum. If you're just in the middle, you'll roll with heavier and lighter guys. That is completely normal and should be that way.
Dealing with heavy people is one of the main things everybody struggles with. Go light when they go hard and you'll learn faster than them, if they hurt you just tell them to settle down or tell them you just won't roll with them.

Maybe this is a misunderstanding here, but if someone asks me to roll the next round and I've got a partner already, for me it's an unwritten rule that this person will be the priority pick for the round after that. But I don't turn people down. If you're meaning you won't roll with him, but saying that you already have a partner, he might or might not get your deal at some point, but imo that's a miscommunication on your part due to not being direct with the information you're trying to bring across.

Bad smell is an issue, but if you're not the one who wants to tell him just tell someone with authority and they'll probably speak to him about it.

The changing room observation is just irritating. People are different, but it never even occured to me that someone would mind about that. I just get to a spot that's free and mind my own business. Also I guess people have their favorite spots. They tend to go to the same spot every time because it's one decision less to make.

 

[rmongler]

Hey all,

This is my first post. I'm a 40 something year old two-stripe white belt in BJJ, and I love it. Do I get smashed by some of the younger guys? Absolutely! But I like to think I hold my own against the majority of other white belts. More importantly, I've made more new friends in the last year than ever before in my life. It's like I joined a fraternity. Outside class, some of the guys come over to watch UFC, hit the bars, take road trips, etc.

Joining the gym transformed my life. Part of my success is that I'm not a super competitive guy. I prefer making friends, and I always try to make newcomers welcome.

However, there is one man in class, ten years older than I am who has become very clingy. He constantly wants to be my partner. At first, I didn't mind, but the dude weighs a good 50lbs more than I do and is at least 6 inches taller than I am, so I often feel squashed by weight as his techniques aren't very good.

In one recent class, every time we were expected to get a new rolling partner, he would rush over to me. Four rounds in a row, I told him I had another partner until he asked, " Are you avoiding me?"

I said, " Yes!"

I thought he would get the hint to leave me alone, but he doesn't. Yesterday, I was rolling with a guy my size, and the clingy gentleman watched us like a hawk the whole time. He then came over to ask why I don't roll that aggressively with him. I said, " I have a hard time moving you, and the other bigger guys."

He seems oblivious. I've heard at least one other guy complain that this man just uses his weight and sometimes smells bad. He wears tight rash guards that highlight his gelatinous stomach which stands out in a gym full of guys who are in shape. It doesn't say " Pick me to train with you!"

Now that I've come right out and told this man that I avoid him, he's less friendly but still eyes me at rolling time, so I find myself quickly grabbing partners.

Thankfully I no longer have to roll with him every class, but why doesn't he leave me alone? When it's time for a class picture, he always wants to stand by me. When I'm changing in the locker room, he's got to change right next to me. Like, dude, go away. I try to give him as little eye contact as possible.

Since I am so open and friendly, I think he clings to me because some of the other guys straight up ignore him. Is this common in BJJ gyms?

 

[NoSmilez]

Just tell him you want to roll with people closer to your size. Tell him he isn't learning anything by just smashing you and you aren't learning anything because he is too heavy to work with. If he is develops an eating disorder just to work with you then you probably need to be his friend.

 

[drblackula]

"Hey dude I can't spend all this time with you I have to focus on my training too, what keeps you from working with other people?"

Worked for me when I had the same problem but the guy had a huge height/weight difference so holding pads wasn't productive for either of us, it was more he was coming to me cause I'm chill and some people were bullying him. I just helped him sort it out being the older guy.

 

[Nepthu]

Just tell him you want to roll with people closer to your size. Tell him he isn't learning anything by just smashing you and you aren't learning anything because he is too heavy to work with. If he is develops an eating disorder just to work with you then you probably need to be his friend.

Thank you. If anything, I'll have to be direct to fix this since subtly picking other partners hasn't worked.

There are numerous times the coach says to "get with someone close to your size" and the guy would come to me until I flat out said I'd rather go with someone closer to my size. He seems oblivious to the size disparity.

Thankfully, another guy a couple years older than I am joined the gym last week, and he seems to have taken the heat off me, and the other gentleman has started to make a b-line to him when it comes to partners now. I'm thanking my lucky stars!

 

[Slothbroth]

I would be direct that you want to train with other people but also nice about it, not overly harsh. No need to make him feel bad and then have him continue to obsess over you and be bitter.

 

[Evenflow80]

She was lesbian looking but had a pretty face short hair.


I’m assuming she had a yeast infection or something. I couldn’t roll with her and I was too embarrassed to roll with anyone else after so I left, happened maybe 15 years ago and I’ll never forget it

Imagine being married to a woman who always smells down and back there. Both ends I got no reprieve.

For 16 years

We're divorced now and she went around telling everyone how I always "said she was disgusting" when I can count on one hand i politely even hinted or brought it up. I even bought her summer eve douche before but it sat there unused.

I don't know man. Even in my younger days I was a magnet for stanky chicks.

 

[Koya]

Hahah damn I forgot about that. I legit stopped training bjj some days because of her

You're too nice for your own good bro

 

[Slothbroth]

Imagine being married to a woman who always smells down and back there. Both ends I got no reprieve.

For 16 years

We're divorced now and she went around telling everyone how I always "said she was disgusting" when I can count on one hand i politely even hinted or brought it up. I even bought her summer eve douche before but it sat there unused.

I don't know man. Even in my younger days I was a magnet for stanky chicks.

Did she only start to smell bad after tying the knot?

 

[shunyata]

Imagine being married to a woman who always smells down and back there. Both ends I got no reprieve.

For 16 years

We're divorced now and she went around telling everyone how I always "said she was disgusting" when I can count on one hand i politely even hinted or brought it up. I even bought her summer eve douche before but it sat there unused.

I don't know man. Even in my younger days I was a magnet for stanky chicks.

Bro that aint right, she should have seen a few doctors along the way.