Getting a Divorce After 15 Years

[spin]

No lawyers. We are in agreement on not making things nasty. We are gonna work together as parents to our kids

you were also in agreement about being married and what that meant.


get the fucking lawyer.

 

[thanoswasright]

I hear ya man. Marital issues I can get thru, but infidelity is something u can't come back from. She cheated

Why don't you cheat back and call it even?

 

[Psychedelic]

Ive seen these threads before but never thought I'd be making this thread myself.

How do u guys deal with this and move on? I feel like the worst is yet to come before it gets better.

Hit the treadmill? Join a gym? Get back into shape? Coke n whores?

Am I right to assume that :

You've married a nice girl back in the day, when you were a fit young man.

Eventually you got fat and out of shape, and a few years later you discovered that you got cucked by your whore of a wife.

Spoiler

EDIT: Just read some posts in the thead, and my theory stands confirmed. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. Women gonna women. Should have never let your guard down. And definitely it's the right choice divorcing a cheating whore.

Hint: Watch American Beauty, and do what Kevin Spacey's character did when he hit midlife crisis / got redpilled.

 

[sweetviolenturg]

Ive seen these threads before but never thought I'd be making this thread myself.

How do u guys deal with this and move on? I feel like the worst is yet to come before it gets better.

Hit the treadmill? Join a gym? Get back into shape? Coke n whores?

First of all, take some time to yourself to work through the stages of grief. Shock, denial, anger & acceptance. You can leave out the bargaining part as she cheated on you & you don't want her back after that because in all likelihood she'll just wind up doing it again.
So, go through those stages & then find something to do with the rest of your life.
My first wife & I split up when I was approaching the big 5-0 & for a little while there I thought my life was over but, in a way, it was just beginning. So, if you're worried about starting over at whatever age you are now, stop worrying. It's never too late.
I went back to school & got the Bachelor's degree that I'd put aside back in the '80s to pursue my pro boxing career. And, it was great. I was able to focus on my studies like never before & I graduated with a 4.0 GPA.
I also hooked myself up with some good mental health counseling which helped me a great deal. Having an unbiased professional to talk everything over with can do wonders.
I also eventually got myself back into great shape which helped my outlook & self-confidence but I didn't force myself to do it. I waited until I felt properly motivated to do so. So, if you don't feel like delving into that right away don't beat yourself up about it.
As for moving on to other women, I took my time. I had a few random dates here & there, after a while but I didn't go the "coke & whores" route either. I'm much more of a relationship guy myself so I waited until the right one came along. And, when she did I knew it. And, now I'm remarried & happier than I've ever been before in my life.
I know that you never want to remarry but then, neither did I. I swore that I'd never get married again but things change. You'll change to after your divorce & you may or may not reconsider the remarriage thing.
Well, I've rambled on long enough, bro.
Take care, good luck & peace.

 

[TigerUpperKut]

Man, I didn't expect all the love and positivity. I'm truly touched guys.
I can't put into words what I'm feeling. My mind is just everywhere. Sometimes the pain hits me so hard and it hurts so bad I can't breath.
I feel like I need to tell u guys the details of myself and what happened...
I'm 42 now,....married her at 27. To make a long story short, I'll just say I resented her for a long time, years, for other unrelated non-cheating issues. And I didn't realize it at the time but because of my resentment I didn't love her as much as I could and should have.
Here it is 15 years later, one day she has an epiphany or something, she realized she might not love me as much as she used to.

That's when she headed down the wrong path. At first it was curiosity, got on a dating app just to mess around and flirt. Then after getting all this attention she feels good, feels sexy,....ends up deciding to cheat on me. Takes a couple days off, got a hotel room for 2 nights. Tells me she wants to be alone. Time alone to think about our marriage.
Then another time like 2 weeks later, sees him again, told me she had some training to go to. Gets a hotel room, cheats again.
Meanwhile this whole time I'm seeing small read flags here n there. Well she had planned to see him this labor day weekend for the last time. One last role in the sack before recommitting to me because we have a life that is too much to lose.

I looked at her phone 2 nights ago, a Samsung. It has that button on the bottom left that will pull up all previously opened and viewed things. Like browser, calculator, Facebook app, and also text. A text caught my eye. And it hits me like a bomb. Saw another text.....same number, dirty talking. So even though the texts were deleted, for some reason that button pulled up the text, but when I click on it to open it, it disappeared. But I saw the texts using that button even though they disappear when trying to open them to view

I wrote the number down, then confronted her. Denied at first....eventually admitted to it and told me EVERYTHING

 

[TigerUpperKut]

If we didn't have kids I'd be out, no hesitation, easy decision. But we got 5 kids, oldest is 13

She feels horrible, ashamed, regret.....and I do believe her. She fucked up, and made a huge mistake. I get that part. But I just can't look at her the same. I thought about all the options,.....leave, split the kids, stay and work it out. But I just can't get the thoughts out my head. We were the love of each other's lives at one point.
But the kids man,....it tears me up, breaks my heart into a million pieces thinking about what a split will do.
My son is autistic, he's nonverbal and is severe on the spectrum.
I don't know what to do. Neither of us can take care of the kids alone. But I can't move passed what she did. She'll even allow me to fuck someone if I need to get even, if it means staying with her.
I believe in my heart she regrets it and is remorseful. She's been crying ever since. Of course she wasn't gonna tell me about the cheating. Just stop what she's doing and recommit to our marriage is what she had planned.
So I don't know what to do. I can't begin to imagine losing the kids, or splitting them. But I don't think I can stay married to her and forgive her and ever love her the same again. She understands too, and will accept any decision I make because in the end she truly wants me to be happy. And if it's not with her, she accepts the consequences

 

[Oblivian]

The last thing that I'd do is complicate my life at this point with dating apps and other stupid shit. You are going to have a big adjustment period to life without her and having the kids only part time. Figure out your new routine. I'd try to keep stress level down to a minimum outside of the divorce. I'd also focus on my career, finances, and planning for the future. All of that other shit can come later.

 

[TigerUpperKut]

She has a good career, I stopped working 7 years ago because of my son. I get paid for in home support supervision to take care of him and my other kids.
So I'm not unemployed but pay is low.
If we divorce I got nothing. Some savings and a small 401k, 7 year gap in work history.

 

[EyeOfNewt]

If we didn't have kids I'd be out, no hesitation, easy decision. But we got 5 kids, oldest is 13

She feels horrible, ashamed, regret.....and I do believe her. She fucked up, and made a huge mistake. I get that part. But I just can't look at her the same. I thought about all the options,.....leave, split the kids, stay and work it out. But I just can't get the thoughts out my head. We were the love of each other's lives at one point.
But the kids man,....it tears me up, breaks my heart into a million pieces thinking about what a split will do.
My son is autistic, he's nonverbal and is severe on the spectrum.
I don't know what to do. Neither of us can take care of the kids alone. But I can't move passed what she did. She'll even allow me to fuck someone if I need to get even, if it means staying with her.
I believe in my heart she regrets it and is remorseful. She's been crying ever since. Of course she wasn't gonna tell me about the cheating. Just stop what she's doing and recommit to our marriage is what she had planned.
So I don't know what to do. I can't begin to imagine losing the kids, or splitting them. But I don't think I can stay married to her and forgive her and ever love her the same again. She understands too, and will accept any decision I make because in the end she truly wants me to be happy. And if it's not with her, she accepts the consequences

Wait a minute. If she cheated multiple times there is no way she regrets it or feels shame. She feels bad about getting caught. Really, get a lawyer

She doesn't deserve her own kids. What can such a mother teach them? For their own benefit, they need to stay away from such "role model"

 

[SalvadorAllende]

No lawyers. We are in agreement on not making things nasty. We are gonna work together as parents to our kids

Oh man, this is really awesome.

And you are going to be ok. These things happen but if you are not commited into making eachother life a living hell you will be on the other side of all this soon enough.

As everybody said... you focus on yourself (and your childrens!) and you will be great in no time.

Feel free to come to Sherdog anytime you want. And bump this thread in the future when you feel awesome to lets us know.

Peace brother.

 

[neverwas]

@TigerUpperKut i wasn't gonna get to involved in this, but what you've posted makes me think i need to say something. you need to evidence everything,any txts from her to someone she was having sex with, all the financial stuff, and what your role is with the kids. when shes had time to think, she will bury you in a court and you need to be ready for this.

 

[Danger Dave]

TS make sure the settlement is final. My sister settled with her ex that she has 3 kids with then went after him years later because she fell on hard times.

 

[LeSwas]

Why did you resent the "love of your life" for years and waste all those years married?

 

[Oblivian]

She has a good career, I stopped working 7 years ago because of my son. I get paid for in home support supervision to take care of him and my other kids.
So I'm not unemployed but pay is low.
If we divorce I got nothing. Some savings and a small 401k, 7 year gap in work history.

This actually positions you much better. For all of the people that say men always get screwed, this should be the exact opposite. And trust me, I've seen several divorces go in the way of the husband when they make less and have been taking care of the kids.

 

[EyeOfNewt]

This actually positions you much better. For all of the people that say men always get screwed, this should be the exact opposite. And trust me, I've seen several divorces go in the way of the husband when they make less and have been taking care of the kids.

This.

 

[kahiljabroni]

You want to share the details? What went wrong? How many kids? What you think the financial split will look like?

My 3 siblings have all gotten divorced in the last 3 years...shits crazy

 

[Fedorgasm]

How old is the youngest child?

I ask because I have a firm belief that when you bring a child into this world, you are committing 18 years to that child no matter what.

So if your youngest is 8, then you have to stay with your wife for another 10 years.

I know nobody agrees with me. But I've been in the verge of divorce too and I ended up staying for the kids.

In my case it worked out because the wife and I fixed our problems, went to counseling, and now we have a better marriage. But that was only possible because I made up my mind that I wasn't divorcing no matter what. The kids needs come before mine. Even if I'm miserable. I owe them 18 years.

 

[boris the hobo]

Sorry to hear that man. Can be a tough situation and mess you up if you aren't careful (ie: coke n whores). Hit the gym, hit the bar, have fun, but don't overdo it....at least not for an extended period of time. Time heals all right? Get some new hobbies to occupy your time if needed. I wish I had followed all this advice when I went through it.

 

[ralphc1]

No lawyers. We are in agreement on not making things nasty. We are gonna work together as parents to our kids

That seldom works out either.

 

[phipps66]

Sorry to hear this man. Separated from my wife as we speak. She just came out with the I don't love you anymore speech. Got 2 small kids too.