Relationship How to help someone out of an abusive marriage?

Give the husband a one-way ticket to Suplex City.
 
Help her afford some therapy and push her to reconnect with her family. I doubt them losing hope means they’d leave her and their grandchildren on the street if she left her husband.
 
Alphaboy said:
- Fun & Excitement
- Immaturity
- Low self-esteem
- Chasing validation
- Ignoring it due to sexual attraction to other qualities.

There are a plethora of reasons.
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Exactly so she likes it and will treat anybody that get in the way like trash no matter if he treats her good or want to help her. Fucked up mind set with these girls
 
jcc3508 said:
But this person is not currently equipped to be a good judge of that. That doesnt mean that just nothing can be done! So she is just doomed forever?
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Woah woah woah, hold on there. YOU think she is being abused or SHE thinks she is and has talked to you about it?
 
Prefect said:
The only way to get someone out of a toxic relationship is to be a good friend and do things with her and help her develop healthy relationships with other people. For some people, the light switch flips and they realize what they are in isn't healthy. You can't flip that switch for them.
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LOL, no. She isn't interested in a healthy relationship, if she was, she would have dumped this bozo a long time ago.
 
Alphaboy said:
Sadly, yes.
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No kidding it's like trying to force an alcoholic to go to rehab when they have no intention on quitting.

The only way to break these cycles is the person has to decide enough is enough on their own. That includes people who tolerate abuse.
 
Alphaboy said:
An individual with the role of 'Captain Save A Hoe' is present in this vicinity. If she chooses to remain in the company of someone who subjects her to abusive behavior, it may suggest her acceptance of such treatment.
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For those who want to learn more about this phenomenom

 
jcc3508 said:
Just asking for a friend of a friend.

Let's say this friend of ours is completely trapped in a toxic/abusive relationship with her now husband from their early adulthood. The partner of our friend, is a violent, verbally abusive, toxic person with known mental health issues. Not to justify the partner but he is a person that as a child was in and out of foster care, is an orphan, spent time in juvie and was in and out of prison so carries a lot of trauma which contributes to our friend feeling guilty about leaving them.

Our friend has four kids and is pregnant with #5. She has been out of the workforce for more than a decade, has strained family relationships as they have completely lost faith in her. The family has lost all faith and hope and they now have an estranged relationship, barely communicate.

Now the problem is, how do you help a person that feels so trapped and controlled that sees no way out, what even resources are available? What can be done if anything? She has no family to lie upon and no place to start when it comes of taking care of 5 kids on her own, nor has the courage to believe that the husband won't kill her if she leaves him. What can be done?
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I don't want to hear any of this BS woke nonsense and buzz words. I am sure she's a feminine submissive house wife and value adding like most modern women. <Moves>

<Y2JSmirk>

What can be done? You could white knight a bit harder. <Lmaoo>
 
She chose her lot. It's best to just let people like that go. Trying to help them will only cause you ruin, and the husband might kill you over it.

I feel bad saying that, but it's the truth. You cannot save everyone.
 
She chose to be with a guy that spent time in and out of juvie and prison. Beyond that obvious crappy choice of a partner, if someone gets into a relationship with that kind of person in the first place she probably doesn’t have it in her to leave him. Sad but likely true.
 
Reminds me of a time a few years ago when a coworker asked me for advise about what she should do about her neighbors.

She said that a young married couple lived in the apartment next door to hers. One long weekend, the wife took the kids to visit her mother in the provinces. While she was gone, my coworker saw the husband bring another woman to the apartment and she could hear them having sex.

She asked me if she should tell the wife.

I told her that under no circumstance should she get involved. I told her she had no idea how any of these people would react. Would the wife even believe her? Would she take the kids and leave him? Would she shoot the messenger? Literally? And what would the husband do when he found out my coworker had told on him? Did she have any idea what his reaction would be?

Getting oneself involved in other people’s affairs when there are so many variables unaccounted for is a recipe for disaster.
 
I've been in your situation before. Here's how it plays out.

1. You convince her to leave him. She says she's ready
2. You say, ok the first thing we need to do is x. She says "oh wait, I don't want to do x" you argue but she won't budge.
3. Then you go, "okay, if you won't do x, then I guess the next best thing is y." And she says, "yes, right. Absolutely. Except we can't do y." She makes up some bullshit reasons that don't make sense.
4. You repeat this cycle for plans z, a, b, c, until you just throw up your hands and say, "well fuck you then! Apparently you just want to stay and I'm not wasting my time and effort trying to help you then."
5. Then you don't talk for a while, and one day she calls you and asks for your help leaving him. She swears she's really gonna do it this time. Then just repeat steps 1-4.
 
jcc3508 said:
But this person is not currently equipped to be a good judge of that. That doesnt mean that just nothing can be done! So she is just doomed forever?
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Yep. There are some things that once you do, can't be undone, and having five kids with an abusive career criminal in and out of juvie and then prison would be a great example of that.

This is like asking "ok, once you've murdered your boss with a hammer in front of a crowd, what steps can you take to get out of it?" I don't know, run until you can't anymore and get a gun so you can go out in a blaze of glory when the people you're running from catch up to you?

It's pretty much take the L and use her as a cautionary tale for future dumb chicks when they have sex with abusive criminals thinking they'll be the ones to finally change the "bad boy". They won't listen, but at least you can say "I told you so" when the same thing happens to them.

What in hell decent guy with any options is going to want that headache? Let's see, I could go for the chick with five kids and constant threats from a psycho ex who's been in and out of prison and has nothing to lose going back, and will go to prison myself if I do anything preemptively, but slightly better than 50:50 if I wait till he finally makes good on his constant threats and attacks us first. Or, ya know, I could just date pretty younger girls who aren't destitute and don't come with all that baggage, expense and violent threats, and just have a normal relationship. Which should I choose?
 
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