Relationship HYUUUGE update: My oldest friend is in the hospital. Please check out my new post
- Thread starter Andy Capp
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Thanks.
I'm still processing it. It's been a couple of weeks but I'm still pretty messed up. I'm lucky to have a very understanding, supportive, and forgiving spouse or it would likely be pretty bad for ol' Andy at the moment.
The other day I "got into it" with someone at a pool hall. Buddy threatened me with violence and then turned his back on me. I'm not a violent person by nature but it felt at the time like the only reason I didn't split his head open from behind was the thought of going to jail and the effect the whole thing would have on my wife.
And now there is a deep layer of frustration seething inside me for not having done anything about it. I keep going back and forth over whether I can handle the stress of going through with a police complaint just to get some sort of closure/satisfaction; there might be security camera video so that would make it a lot easier to handle. What it won't do is ease the abiding anger I will carry at myself for not ass-raping the guy with his own cue stick right then and there. But really it's just another situation in my life I can only react to and not actually do anything about.
That's what I get for acting responsibly and not like the raging wingnut that is inside my head yelling at me to do something--anything--to ease this feeling of being helpless against the growing pile of crazy shit that is happening in my life right now.* I am still hoping to get a heavy bag to hang in my barn when I can get the spare cash together. It's bound to help, right?
*I say that because there's a lot more than just these two things that have been happening; I won't bore y'all with them here though. You'll just have to take my word that it seems like every major life event that is normally sprinkled through a person's life has been happening to me all in a short time.
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Sorry to hear you’re going through a rough patch. Good on you for being the bigger man and walking away. No fight is worth the aggravation and potential consequences.
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Especially not that one. I think a person can't be blamed for feeling there's only one kind of justice that needs to be served in a situation like that but would the police, the courts, and my wife agree? Unlikely. And just feeling like that isn't enough on its own, that's for sure but I am having a very hard time letting it go.
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Holding onto a resentment over it ultimately only hurts you. It is in your own personal best interest to let it go (and I mean truly). Resentment is a ugly parasitic creature that slowly sucks away at the person that holds it. Forgive and eventually forget my friend. Sorry for your loss, you are going through some things sending love and prayers.
panem-et-circenses
In the garden
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You have a barn, man. You’re already winning.
But seriously, yeah, hope things lighten a bit. No need for violence though.
But seriously, yeah, hope things lighten a bit. No need for violence though.
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We haven't interacted much on here, but thta sentence I quoted ressonated with me. I lost my best frined in a car accident when I was 20...he was 21. I beat myself up for a long time due to that sinking feeling that i should have been around hgim more, or should have talked more. IDK what your reasons are, but just know that you were the best friend you could be at the time. We never know how much time we have on this spinning rock and we do the best we can at the time. There will always be something you will wish you did better or more often, but those actions and thoughts will only deter you from living in THIS fleeting moment. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you find peace with the fact that you don't deserve to hold any blame on how you may or may not have acted throughout this time.
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Holding on to it just adds bitterness to your life. Learning to let go has huge benefits, trust me.
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RIP
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Well, I hope y'all understand I pointed out that I was having a hard time letting it go because I know the best thing to do is let it go
But with my nerves already raw it triggered a lot of old traumas and other times when I craved violent retaliation and relented on account of my strict aversion to prison. When emotions run high the moment tends to get seared into my soul. That's really good when the emotion is joy or pleasure or excitement, but it is so much more often awful and painful and rage inducing. I can't just "let it go". But I can deal, and I will.
Now, let it be said, for the sake of anyone concerned for me or any mods concerned for the site, you need to know the fact that I can sit here and speak rationally and objectively about how I feel (and ultimately declined to act against my own best interests) is proof I am no danger to myself or others, regardless of what may be going on in my personal life. I am experiencing a very difficult time and it is forcing me to engage in some uncomfortable situations while actively avoiding others, but I am managing--barely--and I don't want anyone thinking I need a doxxing so someone can call in a wellness check. I'm not a normal person. I can talk about how crazy it makes me without acting on what I am thinking. Some might have completely gone postal by now, some might be able to handle the whole thing with aplomb; I'm in the middle ground somewhere struggling mightily but not in danger of succumbing to my darker desires.
