I have to roast battle seven people tonight.

Strychnine said:
You could tell the fat guy...

"I saw him kicking a box down the street the other day. I asked him "What'cha doin'? He said "Moving."
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Alright I think Ive got him finished.

" it took two years and the lives of three Vietnamese children to make his shirt"
 
this might rustle some people but considering this is a roast & meant to be offensive at maximum capacity..

the dude with dreads, there's a Predator joke in there somewhere. like, "what up Predator? if I came to this roast in blackface, sorta how like how Arnold did in your first movie, would you ease up on the jokes for me?"

the wording ain't right at all but you get the drift I'm sure. there's a way to make that effective.
 
22k said:
this might rustle some people but considering this is a roast & meant to be offensive at maximum capacity..

the dude with dreads, there's a Predator joke in there somewhere. like, "what up Predator? if I came to this roast in blackface, sorta how like how Arnold did in your first movie, would you ease up on the jokes for me?"

the wording ain't right at all but you get the drift I'm sure. there's a way to make that effective.
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I actually posted my predator joke earlier. "Some people think black guys with dreads look like Predator.. I agree... Dude looks like a sexual predator.
 
"Sticks and stones, may break my bones, but you will never be as funny as me" is going to be my finishing move if I've got them on the ropes.
 
Should probably start thinking of a retort for when the girl you used to bang roasts your micropenus. Maybe a hotdog down a hallway type thing
 
Ask the guy with Dreds "How ugly were you before to think that Dredds might improve it?"
 
pinger said:
Ask the guy with Dreds "How ugly were you before to think that Dredds might improve it?"
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A bit too obvious. I'm going to be hitting them with misdirections to throw them off.

Like " did you get dreads because you were sad you're the only guy in your hood without a baby mama?"
 
AgonyandIrony said:
An obese guy, a trans woman, this creepy joke stealing bisexual, Tulsa's best comic (black dude with dreads), a girl I used to bang, a biker pastor, and the guy who puts together the big comedy festival here.

Frankly I didn't ask to be on it or he getting roasted but the promoter made the event without asking so here I am.

I was lucky enough to open for Conor MacSpadden three times when he was on tour and he's on Comedy Centrals Roast Battles so I learned a bit from him.

My biggest concern is getting flustered or freezing up. I don't expect to win all of them but I don't want to get utterly humiliated.

Any tips for keeping your cool in tense situations?
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Well your panel sounds like the set up to bad joke so I would consider being obvious and going with that.

What do you call an obese guy, a trans woman a creepy bisexual, a black dude with dreads , a biker pastor and a girl I used to bang?

And then hit them all in one fell swoop with a weakass punchline like 'the reject cast of leftovers from a comedy central roast gone wrong.

the joke is not the punchline but rather simply that the choice of the panel themselves is the joke.
 
lmao where is this event at? I feel sorry for you if this is CA unless you're also a fatty bisexual transgender. You'd be booed for fat shaming and a racist bigot.
 
I'm fucking murdering. So far I'm 3 to 1. I gave dreadlocks as good as I can get but had to tap out. Next I have the trans person the obese person and the promoter dude that's talked mad shit.
 
Let Zac Amico train you by watching some of his roast battle youtube clips
 
Well Sherbros. I walked out 3-4. Fat dude started reading jokes his 7 year old wrote and won. Trans person won, few time's I think I was so mean she got the pity vote. Had her on the ropes. Made a comment about how I feel bad her uncle molesting her made her sexually confused for the rest of her life.

Tapped to the promoter but valiantly. I fucked up because I pulled back on referencing his dead dad. Did call him Timothy McVeighs inbred brother.

Seriously had a lot of fun and delivered. The Christian pastor wouldn't tap and I spent five minutes just DESTROYING him.
 
Also told dreadlocks " you look like you own a 2003 Chrysler 300 about to be repoed by Carmax.

Glorious.
 
Here are a few to hold you down.

I just used up all my data allowance for the month in one hour, your mum sent me a picture of herself.

If a book could only be judged by its cover, you'd be a best seller. You'd end up in the bargain bin.

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid, I thought you already knew.

You should be on The Biggest Loser, not because you're overweight.

Yeah you're from the street alright, Sesame Street.

You're the comic in a piece of bubblegum.

You're not one of darwin's best examples, are you?

You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

I better stop picking on you, you have enough on your plate.

Hey, you have something on your chin...3rd one down.
 
AgonyandIrony said:
An obese guy, a trans woman, this creepy joke stealing bisexual, Tulsa's best comic (black dude with dreads), a girl I used to bang, a biker pastor, and the guy who puts together the big comedy festival here.

Frankly I didn't ask to be on it or he getting roasted but the promoter made the event without asking so here I am.

I was lucky enough to open for Conor MacSpadden three times when he was on tour and he's on Comedy Centrals Roast Battles so I learned a bit from him.

My biggest concern is getting flustered or freezing up. I don't expect to win all of them but I don't want to get utterly humiliated.

Any tips for keeping your cool in tense situations?
Click to expand...
do you watch this comedy central stuff for inspiration? looks janky as fuck, da fuq is with those clowns jumping on stage?
 
FootstompShonie said:
Most of the guys seem pretty easy to roast, black dude with dreads is an easy target for making fun of the fact it means absolutely nothing to be the "best comic in Tulsa" that's like being the funniest guy in the special ed class.
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That's a good one. Use this guy's joke, TS. Don't tell anyone you stole it though.
 
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