fuck people that make you crank stuff to get it. i become irate when people insist.
i can hold my fat ass up by the fingertips of one hand on an outcropping the size of a sharpie. i budget to snap at least one tool on every job I do. i can rip the hide clean off of stuff with way thicker skin than we have.
i'm already trying really hard not to kill somebody when they try to tell me to kill them harder. a smaller or weaker person can try to use 100% of their physical effort to do something and still might not be able to general lethal or effective force.
meanwhile, especially when there's a significant size difference, i might be effective down in the 30% range, injure around 50%, and outright murder somebody after 60%. if i'm trying to go 25% and their tap threshold is 30, it takes a hell of a lot more control to only ramp it up to the point that they'll tap without hurting/injuring them.
we've gotta be careful with our training partners. people have died doing this. more people will die.
gym wins and being better at my hobby aren't worth risking anyone's life, including my own.
i'm still trying to figure out how i feel about how I play after everything that's going down. i broke enough arms that i switched to chokes, then i started feeling really weird about chokes so i'd usually just get to a decent s-mount or kesagatame or something that let me use positional asphyxiation.
we're gonna get walloped by the second wave here so I've still got a few months outside of the gym to figure out how I feel about all of this, why i enjoy it, whether or not i still do, yeah.
sorry for the wall of text sherbros. lots of time to think and nobody talk to. thought vomit for myself. i guess i'll hit post though.