My first GF/first love recently died of an overdose

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My first GF/first love died back in June from a heroin overdose. I didn't find out about it until September when my mother called me and gave me the news. Apparently they found her in her car at a local park after searching for her for 2 days. She had 2 sons and had recently been divorced. I lost contact with her more than 15 years ago so I was surprised how emotionally impacted I was when my mother told me the news. My mom was very fond of her and so attended her wake and funeral. She spoke to some of her family and said that according to them E had been battling addiction for many years, in and out of rehab, and arrested many times for drug possession, petty theft, and prostitution. She had been doing better the last few years: she went to nursing school, got a job, married her addiction counselor and had 2 kids with him. But something changed in her recently and her home life and work life started to sour and she was back to her old tricks and then not long after she was dead.

I only feel ok talking about this now but the last 3 months were grief stricken. Every time I think of her I can't help but remember her as that cute, sweet, innocent girl I met in high school. It's crazy how some memories never die they just get buried, waiting to resurface at the slightest provocation. I went through a box of stuff she had given me long ago and read some old letters, all those naive and innocent dreams were like salt in my wound. I wish I had been better. I wish I loved her more. I know it's crazy to blame myself for what happened to her, but in a way I do. Life can be really unfair sometimes and the sweetest and kindest people can get the worst of it.
 
That sucks. Sorry for your loss.

This September I found out that a friend of mine from middle school died, long story short drank himself to death a few days shy of his 45th birthday.

I had lost touch so to me, all the memories are of him as a young fun energetic kid.

Death and grief are tough.
They reek havoc on the human mind.

Hopefully you can remember some of the good times and the positive impact that person had.
 
Condolences, sherbro. Who initiated the breakup?
 
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That sucks, man. Let alone for her kids and ex-husband. If it's still hitting you hard after 3 months, I'd consider talking to a counselor.

I lost a good friend to overdose(alcohol), that I had lost touch with under less than ideal circumstances. Didn't find out he died until a year after. Not a good feeling, and can race awhile to process. Best of luck.
 
Seahawks Fan said:
My first GF/first love died back in June from a heroin overdose. I didn't find out about it until September when my mother called me and gave me the news. Apparently they found her in her car at a local park after searching for her for 2 days. She had 2 sons and had recently been divorced. I lost contact with her more than 15 years ago so I was surprised how emotionally impacted I was when my mother told me the news. My mom was very fond of her and so attended her wake and funeral. She spoke to some of her family and said that according to them E had been battling addiction for many years, in and out of rehab, and arrested many times for drug possession, petty theft, and prostitution. She had been doing better the last few years: she went to nursing school, got a job, married her addiction counselor and had 2 kids with him. But something changed in her recently and her home life and work life started to sour and she was back to her old tricks and then not long after she was dead.

I only feel ok talking about this now but the last 3 months were grief stricken. Every time I think of her I can't help but remember her as that cute, sweet, innocent girl I met in high school. It's crazy how some memories never die they just get buried, waiting to resurface at the slightest provocation. I went through a box of stuff she had given me long ago and read some old letters, all those naive and innocent dreams were like salt in my wound. I wish I had been better. I wish I loved her more. I know it's crazy to blame myself for what happened to her, but in a way I do. Life can be really unfair sometimes and the sweetest and kindest people can get the worst of it.
Click to expand...


First thing first, sorry for your loss. Even after 15 years, grief for young love is serious business. When you are young, everything has a greater level of impact and that includes love. While when you get older, things lose their impact, be it good or bad. That being said, I am wondering few things:

How long were you guys together?
Did you guys plan to get married?


I ask because you mentioned that you wished you loved her more. Was there talk of marriage or serious relationship and disagreement?
 
Condolences man. I would feel fucked up if my first love died as well.

I've had one of my best friends for like 20 years die of an overdose like 2 years ago. He mysteriously called me at 6 in the morning that same day but I was asleep. I still think about him a lot.
 
Seahawks Fan said:
My first GF/first love died back in June from a heroin overdose. I didn't find out about it until September when my mother called me and gave me the news. Apparently they found her in her car at a local park after searching for her for 2 days. She had 2 sons and had recently been divorced. I lost contact with her more than 15 years ago so I was surprised how emotionally impacted I was when my mother told me the news. My mom was very fond of her and so attended her wake and funeral. She spoke to some of her family and said that according to them E had been battling addiction for many years, in and out of rehab, and arrested many times for drug possession, petty theft, and prostitution. She had been doing better the last few years: she went to nursing school, got a job, married her addiction counselor and had 2 kids with him. But something changed in her recently and her home life and work life started to sour and she was back to her old tricks and then not long after she was dead.

I only feel ok talking about this now but the last 3 months were grief stricken. Every time I think of her I can't help but remember her as that cute, sweet, innocent girl I met in high school. It's crazy how some memories never die they just get buried, waiting to resurface at the slightest provocation. I went through a box of stuff she had given me long ago and read some old letters, all those naive and innocent dreams were like salt in my wound. I wish I had been better. I wish I loved her more. I know it's crazy to blame myself for what happened to her, but in a way I do. Life can be really unfair sometimes and the sweetest and kindest people can get the worst of it.
Click to expand...

Condolences my Sherbro
 
Was she, years ago, prescribed OxyContin? Did she have to get off that then went to heroin? Or was she just kind of always headed in the heroin direction?
 
Well.. tbf, if you hadn't pimped her out in highschool, her life would have been completely different so....




Her addiction counsellor should be in jail.
 
Weird how some losses impact you more than others. I don't keep in touch at all with anyone from high school, and I think my entire class knows me as a recluse. I recently got wind of a friend who was only in the school at freshman year dying in a road accident. Some years ago I wondered whatever happened to that guy and can't even do a search as I only referred to him by his last name.

I reached out to his sister to offer some financial help because I felt I had to do something. And just an hour ago she asked for more help as I think the family's overwhelmed with the funeral costs. I asked her for the hospital/funeral home receipts and plan to share them on the HS group's facebook page with her contact details in case anyone from our batch would be willing to help.
 
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