potential stepfather vs. father issue. Need advice

[SCADA]

I'm the stepfather in this situation. I've been dating a girl with three daughters (8, 5 and 3 years old). I have grown quite attached to them and them to me, and after a year I consider them as my kids. Their dad is very present in their lives and he and my gf get 50/50 custody.

The dad has a temper and is borderline abusive. When the kids act up, he won't shy away from calling stupid. I just found out that last saturday he poured an entire 2 liter bottle of ice cold water on the 3 yr old's head because she dared to ask for water twice while he was driving. She asked the first time and he said no cause he is driving. She asked a second time and he pulled over, reached into the cooler next to him, took off the lid, turned around (she was in the sear behind him) and the bastard poured the entire bottle on her. He was bhringing the kids to my gf's and when she took over, her youngest ran to her completely drenched and fidgeting. She continued to shake all night, and was talking in her sleep that night saying "why did you do that dad? Why did you pour water all over me?

My gf isnt lying. I read the text he sent her where he admitted what he did and said things like "i hate myself. I don't deserve to be a father. I am screwing up my own kids".

I haven't been able to sleep ever since i found out and read the texts. My gf is afraid of him and while she did call him and berate him and threatened tk take his kids away from him, knowing her she suffers from just enough Stockholm syndrome to NOT do anything on the basis of keeping him happy and her kids safe. I've considered talkingt him but that may escalate. He's a giant pussy at 5'6 and 165lbs and i'm 5'11 and 220. I know he is afraid of me. My gf won't let me talk to him, probably not to make him upset. Yes he has abused her in the past.

Advice?

Cliffs:
-I am the stepfather.
-Father poured full bottle of ice cold water on toddler while in the car.
-mother wont let me talk to him cause she is afraid of what may happen.

Lime is on sale at Home Depot.....

 

[minute bull]

Also pouring water on kids is abuse now?

Did I miss something?

Did you suffer worse?

Water doesn't seem like much, but look at this.

She continued to shake all night, and was talking in her sleep that night saying "why did you do that dad? Why did you pour water all over me?"

Think about it for a little.

 

[thegrapplingdum]

parents used to lock their kids outside in the freezing cold to teach them a lesson
that doesnt look good but its not like he is giving them beatings or worse

ts doesnt even seem to like this women that much,does he really wants or needs
all this pressure on his life just so he can raise somebody elses kids?
its up to him but it doesnt sound like a solid ideia,he should just ditch her and move on with his life,have kids of his own e.t.c

 

[GearSolidMetal]

Pour water over him

This. And do it infront of the kids.

If he takes a swing, defend yourself.

If he doesn't keep pouring water on him until he does.

 

[method115]

This. And do it infront of the kids.

If he takes a swing, defend yourself.

If he doesn't keep pouring water on him until he does.

lol this sounds like the best way to approach the situation. Except make it an ice bucket that way you can tell the cops you were just doing the ice bucket challenge.

 

[Osculater]

The simple solution is say no to single moms unless she's ballin

 

[Real_Magi]

Damn Ts, tough situation. I really think you need to talk to your wife about getting sole custody of the kids though. That seems like the only logical step here. I honestly think she doesn't really have a choice if she really wants to do what's best for the kids. And of course that's what she wants, you just need to help her out so she can actually do that.

parents used to lock their kids outside in the freezing cold to teach them a lesson
that doesnt look good but its not like he is giving them beatings or worse

People use to have others drawn and quartered for speaking out against the church too. Who gives a fuck?

 

[thegrapplingdum]

ts must beat the dads ass to defend his ladys honour
after that he can raise the dudes kids by himself
i hear only real men can do that

 

[GhostZ06]

thats a complicated situation sounds like you care more about the kids then the father does. i would have beat his ass, thats fucked up. But not much you can do

 

[Tycho- Taylor's Version]

My girlfriend grew up in that kind of fearful environment and it's impacted her ability to form relationships with other people all through her life.

Just reading that had me shaking mad.

 

[Elmonstro1]

LOL when she just uses u to help her get full custody and dumps your ass

Not worth the trouble 'stepdad'

 

[Deleted member 245586]

You cannot allow the situation to go without addressing it. You need to talk to him, establish rules and boundaries and then if they are broken there must be consequences.

If you are in it for the long haul, you are just as much at fault for doing nothing as he is for his actions.

That little girl depends on you for protection and love. If you fail her how could you ever live with yourself? This isn't for anyone else to decide but yourself. You do what you know is right and teach your wife what she has never learned.

If you don't live by the values and principle's taught to you by your parents, friends and family in a situation like this, what kind of person are you? Be a leader.

 

[Fugazy]

You really need to take stock on what you want.

Are you going to marry this girl, no BS or are you (maybe) going to marry her.

If you don't know yet get the fuck out.

Also if you catch thus post, how old are you and why did you think getting with a woman who has three young kids was a good idea?

Maybe she seemed great when you met her but I am confident there are some awesome women out there with less impressive baggage.

But if you are certain, like 100% that you want this, then you have to accept that you brought this on yourself and make the most out of it.

That guy may be a piece of shit but he has a stake in those kids, otherwise he wouldn't have given enough of a fuck to have 50/50 custody. He will always be there and his relationship with the kids will evolve and mature. If you will be there you will grow to love the kids as a stepfather and thats great, but that also means that you have to have some sense of decorum and class when dealing with their father, if only out of respect and love for them.

I'm sorry but while that shit he pulled with the toddler was garbage level behavior, it's not exactly child abuse. If you have proof of actual abuse then let it be known. A guy with 3 kids losing his shit and being an ass here and there doesn't mean he should lose his kids.

But again if he is legitimately abusive then that's way different.

Don't lose sight of the fact that you are seeing this all through the gf's eyes and you have only been around for a year before you go around subtly intimidating people. Things may not be all that they seem.

 

[kenetics]

either beat dat ass (make sure he swings first), or get the kids taken from him. It shouldn't be that hard to get the kids away if he is abusive and you have some sort of evidence.

Lol just because you are bigger he scared of you..? Ts been watching to many movies.

Back to the topic. If he is mentally abusing his children then your gf needs to save any text hea sends her that are abusive.

 

[Simian Raticus]

Sounds like a stressful situation.

The only course of action that isn't likely to result on more bullshit is to have a calm, grown up discussion with the dude about his behaviour. If that doesn't work, then it's a grown up discussion with your partner about her doing what needs to be done. If that doesn't work then it may be time to move on.

Good luck.

 

[Mike]

I hate to say it TS, I really do. But you need to bail. This woman sounds like damaged goods. Only a year in and you're more concerned about the kids welfare than she is? That's fucked. The pouring water thing is abuse, and the little kid is getting goddamn anxiety issues already from stress. I'm on the internet and don't know these kids and I want him out of their lives. If she won't defend her own children she's cowardly scum. I'm really, really sorry to have to put it like that but it's true.

 

[Taco Loco]

As much as he deserves a beating don't go through with it. What needs to happen is him being watched aka supervised visitation. Thats fucked up beyond words. Only reason the poor baby was shaking all night is because she was traumatised. This fuckin angers me man oh!