The addiction/depression thread.

[AgonyandIrony]

Actually, yes. I am on a couple mood stabilizers and it has made all the difference. I'm being consistently productive for the first time in a while. No more random crying spells either.

Rad man. I used to cry way too much for a dude. Bury my problems down and then when I was blackout drunk every night sometimes I would just sit in my floor sobbing.

I'm pretty happy to say I haven't done coke in months, my drinking has been pretty under control, and I haven't had suicidal thoughts in months.

I'm going on a big tour next month, for years I thought excitement about the future was just reserved for our youth but I'm genuinely happy to be alive for the first time in maybe a decade.

 

[DrVanNostrand]

I am nearly through a bottle of JACK
Whilst watching dances with wolves

 

[Graves The Elder]

nobly done, old sod
carry on

 

[Robocok]

I am nearly through a bottle of JACK
Whilst watching dances with wolves

 

[GordoBarraBJJ]

Had a panic attack yesterday. A moderate one - so I was able to breath it out after about 45mins.

Still feeling anxious as hell at the moment (next morning). Just trying to ride this out. Gonna take another day or so to feel comfortable.

FML

 

[minute bull]

“he is not only unhappy, but also ashamed of being unhappy.”

​

That quote resonates, because as I've gotten older and keep hearing the question, "But what about being happy?" Overtime I've developed the notion that some people are by default unhappy, and that there's nothing exactly wrong with that. Assigning unhappiness to a nebulous omission is a self-perpetuating mechanism; I have a friend who has labored to remind himself that he will suffer bouts of anxiety for no reason whatsoever. There's no solving it because it's not a problem, it just feels like one.

It's funny you bring up LOST. I've just gotten through reading quite a bit of Haruki Murakami. @Mike, do you like reading? Murakami wrote KAFKA ON THE SHORE, which I believe is the direct and major influence for the show LOST. Even though it's VERY different altogether, there are far too many bits and pieces that are similar for me to call coincidental. It's not obvious, apparently, because I've asked other people who've gone through both and they don't quite see the connection.

At any rate, I would recommend KAFKA ON THE SHORE and NORWEGIAN WOOD for you guys. The former deals with surrealism and magic realism, and it gets pretty nutty. NORWEGIAN WOOD is a more realistic story. Both are led by introspective male characters who have a lot to think about, so it's a bit of a slow burn. But I find the dramatization of introspective thought can sometimes be cathartic.

 

[faustian]

That quote resonates, because as I've gotten older and keep hearing the question, "But what about being happy?" Overtime I've developed the notion that some people are by default unhappy, and that there's nothing exactly wrong with that. Assigning unhappiness to a nebulous omission is a self-perpetuating mechanism; I have a friend who has labored to remind himself that he will suffer bouts of anxiety for no reason whatsoever. There's no solving it because it's not a problem, it just feels like one.

It's funny you bring up LOST. I've just gotten through reading quite a bit of Haruki Murakami. @Mike, do you like reading? Murakami wrote KAFKA ON THE SHORE, which I believe is the direct and major influence for the show LOST. Even though it's VERY different altogether, there are far too many bits and pieces that are similar for me to call coincidental. It's not obvious, apparently, because I've asked other people who've gone through both and they don't quite see the connection.

At any rate, I would recommend KAFKA ON THE SHORE and NORWEGIAN WOOD for you guys. The former deals with surrealism and magic realism, and it gets pretty nutty. NORWEGIAN WOOD is a more realistic story. Both are led by introspective male characters who have a lot to think about, so it's a bit of a slow burn. But I find the dramatization of introspective thought can sometimes be cathartic.

Yeah, the moment I realized that I'd actually stress out over whether I'd be able to make myself happy, it became so simple and obvious that I don't actually need to be happy so there's no point in dwelling over it. Hell I'm one of those people who don't even really enjoy happiness anyways because whenever I do experience it all I can do is obsess over trying to hold onto it and dread the idea of it leaving me. So in the actual moment, I'm not even able to appreciate happiness. Becoming aware of all this and deciding to let go of the burden of being happy (this was about 8 years ago) has produced a general sense of freedom that's still with me today

Never heard of Haruki but I wouldn't be surprised if there was some influence there. That was one thing I really loved about the show, it drew inspiration from seemingly endless sources. If I had to pin it down to one overarching theme it would be existentialism, but existentialism can reveal itself in many forms



A few years ago I randomly saw this quote and legit wondered why it hasn't been plastered everywhere ever since the LOST finale aired:

“Remain true to yourself, but move ever upward toward greater consciousness and greater love! At the summit you will find yourselves united with all those who, from every direction, have made the same ascent. For everything that rises must converge.”​

 

[minute bull]

Yeah, the moment I realized that I'd actually stress out over whether I'd be able to make myself happy, it became so simple and obvious that I don't actually need to be happy so there's no point in dwelling over it. Hell I'm one of those people who don't even really enjoy happiness anyways because whenever I do experience it all I can do is obsess over trying to hold onto it and dread the idea of it leaving me. So in the actual moment, I'm not even able to appreciate happiness. Becoming aware of all this and deciding to let go of the burden of being happy (this was about 8 years ago) has produced a general sense of freedom that's still with me today

Never heard of Haruki but I wouldn't be surprised if there was some influence there. That was one thing I really loved about the show, it drew inspiration from seemingly endless sources. If I had to pin it down to one overarching theme it would be existentialism, but existentialism can reveal itself in many forms



A few years ago I randomly saw this quote and legit wondered why it hasn't been plastered everywhere ever since the LOST finale aired:

“Remain true to yourself, but move ever upward toward greater consciousness and greater love! At the summit you will find yourselves united with all those who, from every direction, have made the same ascent. For everything that rises must converge.”​

NORWEGIAN WOOD is the source of the movie line "Life is like a box of chocolates." He waxes far greater on the "you never know what you're gonna get" bit, but suffice it to say that line doesn't appear in Winston Groom's novel (novel Forrest says "Life ain't no box of chocolates"). There's a huge aspect of NORWEGIAN WOOD that gets into mental illness, its ramifications, and how everyone involved manages, or not, to cope.

KAFKA ON THE SHORE dramatizes insecurities by obfuscating facts. There are many things that occur in the book that don't seem to have a definitive answer (even though most do, but Murakami says total comprehension may require several readings) -- and the narrative gets into the point that whether TRAUMATIC EVENT ABC really occurred or not isn't the point. Whether you were abused, abandoned, or exploited -- or not -- or if you indeed suffer mental illness, the trauma isn't the point, as painful as such a statement may feel.

The point is deciding what to do now, and that's where all your power remains. To use your above post as an example, your traumatic event is described as a history of unhappiness or scrutinizing happiness to the point of dissolution. Thus, a depressive mind may fall into a cycle of self-recrimination. But instead you exercised your power in the realization that there's no DEMANDING need to be happy. Happiness is not a goal. Happiness is a byproduct of the achievement of goals. Concentrate on the achievement, and the happiness will follow; conversely, focus on the happiness, and watch it slide through your fingers. And, to be sure, it wasn't an automatic switch -- I'm sure during those eight subsequent years you worked diligently to keep yourself on an even keel.

That's fine, fine work.

 

[Mike]

That quote resonates, because as I've gotten older and keep hearing the question, "But what about being happy?" Overtime I've developed the notion that some people are by default unhappy, and that there's nothing exactly wrong with that. Assigning unhappiness to a nebulous omission is a self-perpetuating mechanism; I have a friend who has labored to remind himself that he will suffer bouts of anxiety for no reason whatsoever. There's no solving it because it's not a problem, it just feels like one.

It's funny you bring up LOST. I've just gotten through reading quite a bit of Haruki Murakami. @Mike, do you like reading? Murakami wrote KAFKA ON THE SHORE, which I believe is the direct and major influence for the show LOST. Even though it's VERY different altogether, there are far too many bits and pieces that are similar for me to call coincidental. It's not obvious, apparently, because I've asked other people who've gone through both and they don't quite see the connection.

At any rate, I would recommend KAFKA ON THE SHORE and NORWEGIAN WOOD for you guys. The former deals with surrealism and magic realism, and it gets pretty nutty. NORWEGIAN WOOD is a more realistic story. Both are led by introspective male characters who have a lot to think about, so it's a bit of a slow burn. But I find the dramatization of introspective thought can sometimes be cathartic.

I used to read quite a bit, but these days I read forums more than anything else. I do want to get back into reading regularly though.

 

[IloveTHIS]

Hey guys. No idea why this thread has been dormant for so long. I cant be the only one left battling these demons can I? Lol

Today is one of those really, really, really bad days. One thing that makes it a little better is hearing from other sherbros that are in the fight with me. So how the hell is everyone?

 

[Social Distance Warrior]

Hey guys. No idea why this thread has been dormant for so long. I cant be the only one left battling these demons can I? Lol

Today is one of those really, really, really bad days. One thing that makes it a little better is hearing from other sherbros that are in the fight with me. So how the hell is everyone?

Feeling good homie, what's troubling you?