The more you need something, the less likely you are to get it.

[Goonerview]

I was watched a podcast and been reading a book the other day, it suggested that the more that you need something from someone, the less likely they are to give it to you.

Be it jobs, relationships, whatever. The more that you want it or need it, the less likely you are to get it.

The podcast suggested something like, the average person is powerless in their everyday lives, so that if you need something from them, you are giving them power and they are more likely to use that power, just because they are starved of power for most of their waking day.

So, being willing to walk away is quite powerful in creating attraction for the things that you want.

Isn't that a headf**k? To get what you want, you have to not want it, lol.

I remember going to job interviews when I was younger and being really enthusiastic about the job and never getting it. It was only when I got more qualified, less attached, had more self control, that I got the job I wanted.

I didn't change that much, though. They could have easily just given me the job earlier.

 

[KONG-D'SNT-TAP]

Stop watching podcasts. Problem solved

 

[Nimrod]

Does this apply to water and food?

 

[mb23100]

Desperation is a stinky cologne

 

[Horse Style]

The job example you provided is dumb. The difference between the time you didn't get the job and when you did has more to due with your qualifications, not how badly you wanted it.

No matter how much you pretend not to care, you still want the job otherwise why are you even applying?

 

[LATEXXX COMMANDO]

BS

The jobs I really wanted I got.

 

[Goonerview]

The job example you provided is dumb. The difference between the time you didn't get the job and when you did has more to due with your qualifications, not how badly you wanted it.

No matter how much you pretend not to care, you still want the job otherwise why are you even applying?

For this particular job I was qualified before. But gained more experience in the meantime.

The first time I applied, I didn't even get interviewed. I remember looking at the e-mail I sent to apply for the job and it was a little "needy" or over-enthusiastic.

 

[colby25]

I was watched a podcast and been reading a book the other day, it suggested that the more that you need something from someone, the less likely they are to give it to you.

Be it jobs, relationships, whatever. The more that you want it or need it, the less likely you are to get it.

The podcast suggested something like, the average person is powerless in their everyday lives, so that if you need something from them, you are giving them power and they are more likely to use that power, just because they are starved of power for most of their waking day.

So, being willing to walk away is quite powerful in creating attraction for the things that you want.

Isn't that a headf**k? To get what you want, you have to not want it, lol.

I remember going to job interviews when I was younger and being really enthusiastic about the job and never getting it. It was only when I got more qualified, less attached, had more self control, that I got the job I wanted.

I didn't change that much, though. They could have easily just given me the job earlier.

It's true in a lot of things. People want what they can't have. I know with woman it's true. Coming off as needy is a turn off to anybody.

There's a position in my job a while back that I really wanted- never got it. Then I said screw it didn't want it and of course then they asked me to take the position. Turned it down for a year until eventually one of the head bosses called me up and asked me to do it- so I took it. But it's quite the paradox that seems to hold true in a lot of things.

 

[Goonerview]

It's true in a lot of things. People want what they can't have. I know with woman it's true. Coming off as needy is a turn off to anybody.

There's a position in my job a while back that I really wanted- never got it. Then I said screw it didn't want it and of course then they asked me to take the position. Turned it down for a year until eventually one of the head bosses called me up and asked me to do it- so I took it. But it's quite the paradox that seems to hold true in a lot of things.

Yes, with women and relationships. The more detached from the result you are, the more likely they are to like you.

You have to detach, let go of placing expectations on people, give them the psychic space to like you.

It's a headf**k.

I'm pretty superficial and shallow, a girl "wanting" me wouldn't be a turnoff, she just had to be hot/physically attractive, and I'm pretty much in.

There has been cases where I met a girl, thought she was cute, asked her out and was building rapport ... she goes cold. So I back off, detach ... then she eventually calls me up, we meet for a date, but by then I genuinely just don't care anymore ... and just tell her I just want to be friends.

It's sometimes difficult to detach without completely detaching altogether.

 

[DC23]

So basically it's teaching you have to keep your expectations low and be grateful of anything anything given to you?

 

[Plutoburn]

I see this applies more in the dating world. Professionally, all else being equal, I'd hire the guy that want the job really bad over a guy that could take it or leave it.

 

[Goonerview]

I see this applies more in the dating world. Professionally, all else being equal, I'd hire the guy that want the job really bad over a guy that could take it or leave it.

Im the same, but I have had experiences of this in both the job and dating world. I'm still reading the book, basically, you have to be patient, positive and active in a positive way.

Without coming across as "needy". Perception is reality.

It takes a large degree of patience and self-mastery.

 

[MarloStanfield]

I think I’ll stick to reality rather than old wives tales

 

[tonysmasseuse]

So basically it's teaching you have to keep your expectations low and be grateful of anything anything given to you?

Hey, don't knock it. Entire countries are built and function on that mindset (Scandinavia).
Strange mix of protestant and soft socialism makes for the meek and easily controlled. Pro tip.

 

[Horse Style]

With women, it's one thing because coming off as needy is indeed a turn-off but you're not going to tell me employers would rather hire the less enthusiastic worker.

 

[Clear Winner]

I see this applies more in the dating world. Professionally, all else being equal, I'd hire the guy that want the job really bad over a guy that could take it or leave it.

This.

When I was single, I was always a little wary of the girls that were too keen and vice versa, when I was too keen I would find it harder to get anywhere with the ones I was, in hindsight, overly keen with.

With regards to work though, I'd 100% hire someone who is very keen, over someone who looks like they don't care. Training and interviewing is expensive and I'll be damned if I'm going to take the risk of hiring someone who might just leave after a month.

 

[Goonerview]

This.

When I was single, I was always a little wary of the girls that were too keen and vice versa, when I was too keen I would find it harder to get anywhere with the ones I was, in hindsight, overly keen with.

With regards to work though, I'd 100% hire someone who is very keen, over someone who looks like they don't care. Training and interviewing is expensive and I'll be damned if I'm going to take the risk of hiring someone who might just leave after a month.

Yeah, but you also don't want to be too "cool", where she just thinks you are not interested. You have to be positive, but not over-bearing. It can be a fine line sometimes. You have to be ok with not getting what you want and be strong enough to walk away.

Perception is reality. You can be not needy, but if you send the wrong text or a goofy text, and she perceives you to be needy, you're done.

From my experience, the first time I applied for the job I have now, I wasn't even given an interview. Two years later, I applied but with less enthusiasm, more self-control and confidence ... I got the job.

 

[DM1982]

It's an interesting notion TS, and it holds some weight in how we view how situations play out.

But, ultimately, what I think the reality is, is, the more you need something, the more you'll be dissapointed when you don't get it.

Think of how many times you don't get something and you're not really bothered about it. You don't think about those things, you dwell on the things you really wanted but didn't get.

Wanting something too bad, in itself, won't stop you from getting it.

This sounds like confirmation bias, inductive reasoning to me.

 

[Organic Damage]

It's sometimes difficult to detach without completely detaching altogether.

Fine line. I find if I pretend not to care effectively enough, I end up actually not caring.

But I think it's more the revealing your wants that causes the power dynamic to shift, not the having them. I guess lying was invented for a reason.