What is it like being married?

[Phr3121]

What is it like being married? Are you still going strong or are you looking for a way out?

Why do you ask?

 

[Sleestaxk]

Let me just go ask my wife how I feel about this....

Well played sir

 

[Otto!]

My wife and I have been together for 32 years, and married for 29. Still going strong and I look forward to retire and growing old together. And no, sex with the same woman doesn’t get boring.

 

[jx820]

Marriage is mostly paper work, your relationship doesn't magically change or anything. If you loved each other before, you should still. If you were a wreck before you still are.

It does change how other people treat your relationship, or how they see it. If you tell your boss/co-workers "I have to leave early because my wife needs X" you are less likely to get flak or pushback than if you say my girlfriend. Or if you tell someone "My wife is going to stop working and stay home to raise the kids for the next few years" they are way more likely to respect that and way less likely to get an unsolicited opinion than if you say girlfriend.

 

[Ogata]

Save yourself the hassle of getting married, just find a woman you hate and give her all your stuff.

Your comment matches the avatar. Badass looking kitteh.

I would love to develop a sincere and wholesome connection that is based on deep fondness and intense sexual attraction. A type of woman that you enjoy being around.

But damn it feels like that shit don't exist anymore or it's a fleeting moment. That and the dangers of idealizing someone to that level despite they not having the same feeling or quality of expectation.

 

[minute bull]

On good days it's like living inside a song. On bad days it's like entertaining a house guest when you're hungover, except the headache and general suckiness is on the outside of your body.

 

[Oeshon]

You basically give up your freedom and independence to get sex whenever you want. The plot twist is that you have no desire to have sex with that person.

I'd rather keep my freedom and independence and still have sex whenever I want (with more than 1 person too).

 

[Streeter]

You die a little every day.

 

[Thai Otoshi]

I love it. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have sex on the regular and have a best friend that I can laugh and have fun with, who also truly cares about my health and happiness.

The trick is to know the kind of person you're getting hitched with before doing the hitching.

If it's all storybook beforehand, with little in the way of adversity and being forced to tackle real problems together and growing as people, then you can totally get blindsided after marriage and if one or both of you aren't emotionally mature enough, then the marriage can be doomed to failure. If its NOT all storybook beforehand, and you both have been through some shit, both alone and together, then you have a strong foundation to have a lasting marriage, IMO. Marriage is not just about love, but compromise, partnership, and doing things that are mutually beneficial.

Can you get blindsided anyway? Sure, but that doesn't mean that going all in on that red pill incel shit is the way.

 

[Ogata]

I don't think I could have done much more.. I did everything for her.
She cheated on me with someone 15 years younger.. I was done.
I have recently found out she's a covert narcissist, I had my suspicions throughout the years but you just get blinded by other stuff that's more important, in hindsight knowing the person your with is the most important lesson to learn .. but if your with someone thats extremely good at manipulation and wears a mask your fucked.

I'm sorry to hear that. You are right in regards to your angel turning into a demon. I always say that an enemy can never hurt you because the distance doesn't allow them to deliver a cut.

The greatest stab on ones back comes from the folks who are close to you because they have your affection. They are the ones who can truly dish out a pain inducing strike that an enemy can never be close enough to deliver.

I am a little bit confused. How the hell did she find someone that much younger!? Did the guy know? Did you confront him?

It's scary scenario. There was a girl I used to run in to from the past. We first met at yoga over a decade ago but within 5 years we would right in to each other outside from far away and we would wave but would get separated because either I was on the bus and her outside or vice versa. Despite being strangers it was weird how she would wave, say hi or smile for those brief moments within the 5 year span which was 2007 to 2012.

Afterwards I NEVER ever ran in to her. To this day I can't stop wondering if I missed my chance to meet the love of my life or did I...dodge a bullet!

Hence your comment about how your angel turning into a demon.

 

[Nimrod]

I'm sorry to hear that. You are right in regards to your angel turning into a demon. I always say that an enemy can never hurt you because the distance doesn't allow them to deliver a cut.

The greatest stab on ones back comes from the folks who are close to you because they have your affection. They are the ones who can truly dish out a pain inducing strike that an enemy can never be close enough to deliver.

I am a little bit confused. How the hell did she find someone that much younger!? Did the guy know? Did you confront him?

It's scary scenario. There was a girl I used to run in to from the past. We first met at yoga over a decade ago but within 5 years we would right in to each other outside from far away and we would wave but would get separated because either I was on the bus and her outside or vice versa. Despite being strangers it was weird how she would wave, say hi or smile for those brief moments within the 5 year span which was 2007 to 2012.

Afterwards I NEVER ever ran in to her. To this day I can't stop wondering if I missed my chance to meet the love of my life or did I...dodge a bullet!

Hence your comment about how your angel turning into a demon.

She got to know this person though dog walking, from what I gather.. God knows how long it was going on, or what had gone on in the past, around 7 years into our relationship I found a couple of photos of her on a night out in the embrace of someone else, she was able to brush this off as a illusion/bad camera angle.. she was horrified that I would question these photos and turned it against me making her the victim .. typical narcissist behaviour..
My fault I should have read all the behaviour traits, she was also a thief .. she stole from shops all the time, in hindsight she was a fucking lunatic .
Later on in our relationship she became a teacher of young children, perfect for her to expand that need to control people .. even if it was just young children ..

 

[Ogata]

She got to know this person though dog walking, from what I gather.. God knows how long it was going on, or what had gone on in the past, around 7 years into our relationship I found a couple of photos of her on a night out in the embrace of someone else, she was able to brush this off as a illusion/bad camera angle.. she was horrified that I would question these photos and turned it against me making her the victim .. typical narcissist behaviour..
My fault I should have read all the behaviour traits, she was also a thief .. she stole from shops all the time, in hindsight she was a fucking lunatic .
Later on in our relationship she became a teacher of young children, perfect for her to expand that need to control people .. even if it was just young children ..

Damn this is twisted. I don't know if this makes you feel better or worse but this type of stories are becoming increasingly prominent and on the both side. People are angry these days and vindictive. I see the narcissism on their parts.

It's seems to be a modern human problem because I know a poster who has it out for me ( few other posters as well) for 3 years and has a need to shit on me. Of course in a thread he once expressed that his dreams have been shattered and thus his shittiness is taken out on other folks.

I also have a theory why folks are so vicious to each other on top of failed aspiration. I feel like we have no outside threat from a different country which would unite us for bonding and appreciation of each other.

My advice would be is to allow yourself grieve as much as you need and pick an outlet of expression. You can write an ebook and sell it on Amazon to share your experience. I say this because I notice your post is well written. That and I myself used to be a former incel and yet friends in relationship would be bitching about not being single. It seems happiness is scarce. Thus I recommend to you writing because I find content and fulfillment to come from what a person accomplishes and learns in life. Hope all is well with you and remember, your case is no rare anymore and don't let it get you down too much.

 

[sweetviolenturg]

Without having read through the thread yet, I can imagine that you're getting a lot of negative responses & I can understand where those guys are coming from because I was in a bad marriage for over a decade. And, it made me miserable. It was stressful, bleak & often felt like hell on earth. If I'd have been a smarter man I'd have divorced my first wife a lot sooner than I did.
Had you asked me back then whether I'd ever get married again I'd have insisted that I would not do so under any circumstances. But, here I am, just a couple of years later remarried & it's great. This time around I absolutely love being married whereas before, right from the start, I knew that it was a mistake.
So, as you can imagine, it all depends upon who you marry. My first wife & I should have never married in the first place & our relationship was doomed from the start. While my new wife & I are practically attached at the hip. Our marriage is great & only getting better by the day.

 

[TheJewBear]

Been married to my wife for 6 years in February. Total time together is 16 years. She's my favorite person on earth. Emotionally strong, takes care of herself physically, great cook, makes her own money. Pays her own bills. Has her own sets of friends.

And best of all....She doesn't need me 24/7. She likes her space, and so do I. And that is the key to a healthy long lasting relationship. Emotional and spacial independence and harmony with another human being...

No shortage in the non-bolded departments, but in the bolded areas, how do I find one with these qualities???

 

[The Talent]

No shortage in the non-bolded departments, but in the bolded areas, how do I find one with these qualities???

I just got lucky, buddy...I was no prince charming back then, but the universe hooked me up on this one.

Best advice is trial and error. Date as many people as you can and figure out what makes you happy. And then once you've identified what your happiness is, don't settle for anything less. May take a while, but it's worth it.

There's a pattern with people in unhappy relationships. Most times they dont know what they were looking for but got pressured into the next step (kids, marriage, debt) before they were ready. That happens to a lot of people I know. And then that compromise turns into regret, which then turns into blame. And then that's when the downward spiral begins.

But sometimes your perfect person will find you when you're not even looking. Like in my case. It does happen.

I'm sending you good vibes, whoever you are...

 

[TheJewBear]

I just got lucky, buddy...I was no prince charming back then, but the universe hooked me up on this one.

Best advice is trial and error. Date as many people as you can and figure out what makes you happy. And then once you've identified what your happiness is, don't settle for anything less. May take a while, but it's worth it.

There's a pattern with people in unhappy relationships. Most times they dont know what they were looking for but got pressured into the next step (kids, marriage, debt) before they were ready. That happens to a lot of people I know. And then that compromise turns into regret, which then turns into blame. And then that's when the downward spiral begins.

But sometimes your perfect person will find you when you're not even looking. Like in my case. It does happen.

I'm sending you good vibes, whoever you are...

There's a lot of wisdom in your post. Thank you.

 

[Nimrod]

Damn this is twisted. I don't know if this makes you feel better or worse but this type of stories are becoming increasingly prominent and on the both side. People are angry these days and vindictive. I see the narcissism on their parts.

It's seems to be a modern human problem because I know a poster who has it out for me ( few other posters as well) for 3 years and has a need to shit on me. Of course in a thread he once expressed that his dreams have been shattered and thus his shittiness is taken out on other folks.

I also have a theory why folks are so vicious to each other on top of failed aspiration. I feel like we have no outside threat from a different country which would unite us for bonding and appreciation of each other.

My advice would be is to allow yourself grieve as much as you need and pick an outlet of expression. You can write an ebook and sell it on Amazon to share your experience. I say this because I notice your post is well written. That and I myself used to be a former incel and yet friends in relationship would be bitching about not being single. It seems happiness is scarce. Thus I recommend to you writing because I find content and fulfillment to come from what a person accomplishes and learns in life. Hope all is well with you and remember, your case is no rare anymore and don't let it get you down too much.

Yeah they are much more prominent, i have been down the whole rabbit hole with this, learnt a lot on the way down.
The trouble is it can send you a little insane, not only having to deal with a traumatic experience but then having to second guess the other persons thoughts and intentions. It would have been easier to jump from a bridge and end it all.. believe me i was nearly there.. But then she wins and thats exactly what she wanted.
So fuck that, i will get on with my now much simpler life.
Thanks for the kind words by the way ..
Sherbros have a good way of helping everynow and then when a crutch is needed ..